Good places to live for the "Non-Stereotypical" Black dude (middle-class, best cities)

[yayoi]

Originally Posted by thepoint

He probably is fed up with the victocratic culture and blame game. He should be proud to be an oreo, you are human based on your personality, not skin color.

Ummm an oreo is a black person who hates anything related to the various black cultures w/in the states and around the world to the point where they would rather be white. Just so you know, black culture is NOT limited to the blame game and victimology, which btw is NOT limited to blacks. An oreo is someone who depises and downgrades anything related to black culture(s) which can include music (not just rap) , food, family, community, the people themselves etc. An oreo is someone who is so ashamed of their race and/or black culture(s) that they actively try to distance themselves from it sometimes even passing for other races. I most certainly would never be proud to be one.

Just to be clear an oreo is NOT someone who dates or marries outside of their race, votes republican, listens to certain types of music, talks a certain way etc. etc.

BTW I hear Minneapolis is good for interracial relationships. Or maybe Seattle? I would think Denver might be a good place too.

[carolinajack]

fairfax, i am with ya bro, I am in the same boat, between the two worlds--maybe the bay area of california is good, lots of hispanics and asians and accepting of blacks who do not fit the stereotype.

its hard to find and will never be perfect, you have to be strong and not worry about the social isolation--dont let yourself be a victim, get out and do things even if its on you own--i have learned to cope over the years

[carolinajack]

yayoi, we have alot in common but the definition of an oreo is not that they hate black culture but that black culture doesnt accept the black person who has been raised in white cultural settngs or doesnt fit the stereotype of a black person that is what an oreo is

[pwright1]

yayoi
An oreo is someone who depises and downgrades anything related to black culture(s) which can include music (not just rap) , food, family, community, the people themselves etc. An oreo is someone who is so ashamed of their race and/or black culture(s) that they actively try to distance themselves from it sometimes even passing for other races.

Yayoi had the best definition of an oreo except that 'someone' is a black person.

I have found here in Seattle a surprising number of blacks who absolutely refuse to associate themselves with blacks, from dating, friendships or anything else. Not all just some.

Carolinajack, its not black culture not excepting a black person raised in white culture. IMO its a black person not excepting his or hers own culture.

[The_Fairfaxian]

To set the record straight, I don't mind the positive aspects of the black culture (Jazz, Motown, family, religion, community, etc.). It's just that I'm tired of living in a place where being black and smart, proper, having common sense, and liking hair metal/arena rock will get an entire community of your own race (the so-called affluent Prince Georges County, MD) to hate you. Considering that many black girls and women in PG County tend to go for the gangsters and posers, I decided that I want to have an active social life during my twenties and eventually have a wife & family. I am fed up with the victocratic mentality and “blame the man” gig of most blacks and have no interest in the militant black lifestyle, but at the same time, I have no specific interest to defect from my race; my philosophy is simply that I’m black and that’s that, no shame or pride based off my race. There are plenty of reasonable black girls in my university, but many of them are what you would consider oreos, flocking to any white dude they see for social advancement - at the expense of avoiding even the most subtle of black dudes. As for females of other races, there’s just something about dating a girl outside my race that makes me feel more like myself. The problem is that in the University where I am, black men have a very terrible reputation. I realize that I could find what I'm looking for in nearby Northern Virginia, but transferring to a NoVA college (i.e. George Mason University) isn't as easy as it was during the nineties. As for the thread itself, which was originally created in December, I was looking for a place to possibly reside when I graduate from college (with a degree in Journalism). There were cities that I wasn't surprised to see (SF, Seattle, San Diego), cities I thought were totally against it (Charlotte, Dallas) and cities that I thought were just plain neutral (Minneapolis, Cambridge/Somerville, MA). Thanks for the results so far, but if anyone knows cities that have a great reputation of accepting interracial couples and a high population of people in college and their twenties, feel free to post it.

[carolinajack]

As a black male, and an OREO(a name given to me and other blacks who do not fit into a stereotypical behavior of blacks). Maybe OREO definitions change from place to place but in the South where I grew up and in the suburban northeast it is the definition given.

That other definition given would not apply to 99% of the accused OREOs that I know--i dont know any OREOs who downgrade black food or culture, music, family or community. They are accused of being OREOs because they dont like rap or hip hop, but they like jazz, blues and gospel. They are accused of being OREOs because they dont dont talk in slang, dont like the thug culture, dont live in ghettos and dont relate to that life, because they dont vote a certain way, or because they happen to have a different economic status that the mainstream of the black community.

so i am not invalidating the experience of others definitions of OREO, it just isnt the definition we use where I come from or what I experience everyday.

The people i know accused of being OREOs dont give themselves that label, but rather other black people who dont like that those people dont conform to the mass culture. the Oreos accept their culture but are often rejected by the larger black community.

[carolinajack]

fairfax, i hear ya bro. I was raised in an upper middle class black southern family. We love our african american history and heritage and culture, but there are different kinds of cultures. I grew up playing golf and tennis because that was the sport the black men in my neighborhood did on a saturday morning or doing our summering in Marthas Vineyard-where there are many black families. We loved jazz, blues, and classical and rock music and even country. Charlie Pride is a wonderful country singer and black, he is no OREO but because someone listens to country they are considered OREO. Now a days there is a segment of the black community that thinks it is cool not to act or be smart and so we have an epidemic of black men not getting educations, not having job skills and not marrying their girlfriends and yet having out of wedlock births, but if you do the proper thing of getting an education, a job, and having the family responsibilities you are somehow NOT black enough and called OREO.

The mass black community made up the idea of Not black enough, this didnt start by the OREOs, but by others criticizing people for not "acting black"enough.

try Charleston SC, but go to Mt Pleasant. Look at Albany New York, Madison Wisc, Austin Texas, Tucson AZ, Boulder Colorado, San Jose California, Portland Maine and Portland Oregon, San Diego CAlifornia, Montclair NJ, Columbia Maryland, Virginia Beach VA, Raliegh Durham NC, North Atlanta Ga,

[callsnap]

…..you are perfectly stereotypical. There are numerous blacks who attend private schools, pursue higher education, enter lucrative professions, join middle/upper class, and listen to everything from classical to alternative. Black people such as this sometimes find themselves socializing primarily outside their race. That’s a class issue, not a race one. I’m in my 20s and have lived in TN, IL, MO, NY, FL as well as S America, W Europe, Africa and the Mid East. I have a diverse network of friends across these locations.
Quite frankly, I think you are perfectly stereotypical. Ask every black parent who ever had a child enrolled in tennis and golf lessons. All of those children didn’t grow up to be Tiger and Venus. They grew up to be carolinajack, yourself, and plenty of other black folks living everyday lives in communities across this country.
Thing is, most everyone is going to prejudge you. We all make initial judgments based on personal experience. Once people get to know you, your character speaks for itself.
Move anyplace you want, just be willing to work at establishing meaningful relationships….whether it be with a skeptical white person who initially expects you to be “more black” , a skeptical “stereotypical” black person who initially expects you to be “more black” or anyone in between who expects everything and nothing. You can’t control peoples’ assumptions of you.
Bottom Line: Don’t think that because you move to what you perceive to be a more liberal location that you will not have to overcome the “stereotype” you so clearly are “not”.

That said, I do hope you find the sense of community you are looking for. I see how feeling like an outsider within your own race can be difficult. Maybe you are the one who is too quick to judge, and there are more people with just a little something in common with you than you perceive.

[GAisGreat]

Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian

To set the record straight, I don't mind the positive aspects of the black culture (Jazz, Motown, family, religion, community, etc.). It's just that I'm tired of living in a place where being black and smart, proper, having common sense, and liking hair metal/arena rock will get an entire community of your own race (the so-called affluent Prince Georges County, MD) to hate you. Considering that many black girls and women in PG County tend to go for the gangsters and posers, I decided that I want to have an active social life during my twenties and eventually have a wife & family. I am fed up with the victocratic mentality and “blame the man” gig of most blacks and have no interest in the militant black lifestyle, but at the same time, I have no specific interest to defect from my race; my philosophy is simply that I’m black and that’s that, no shame or pride based off my race. There are plenty of reasonable black girls in my university, but many of them are what you would consider oreos, flocking to any white dude they see for social advancement - at the expense of avoiding even the most subtle of black dudes. As for females of other races, there’s just something about dating a girl outside my race that makes me feel more like myself. The problem is that in the University where I am, black men have a very terrible reputation. I realize that I could find what I'm looking for in nearby Northern Virginia, but transferring to a NoVA college (i.e. George Mason University) isn't as easy as it was during the nineties. As for the thread itself, which was originally created in December, I was looking for a place to possibly reside when I graduate from college (with a degree in Journalism). There were cities that I wasn't surprised to see (SF, Seattle, San Diego), cities I thought were totally against it (Charlotte, Dallas) and cities that I thought were just plain neutral (Minneapolis, Cambridge/Somerville, MA). Thanks for the results so far, but if anyone knows cities that have a great reputation of accepting interracial couples and a high population of people in college and their twenties, feel free to post it.

I hear what you're saying. I remember seeing this a lot in high school. Despite whatever the 'official' Oreo definition may be, black kids in school who weren't acting like wannabe gangsta's were called Oreos by the kids "keeping it real". It always cracked me up to no end to see some black kid who lived in a 1/2million dollar home, parents were successful professionals, big pimpin' in mommy and daddys Mercedes while blasting hardcore gangsta music, with his hat sideways, "keeping it real". But a black kid actually from a crappy neighborhood and living w/a single parent, who didn't act like a wannabe gangsta' had to be more accepted by white kids.

Anyway, I think Austin, TX would be a perfect fit. Can't really say about Dallas or Houston, but I met more black people like you describe yourself in Texas than I've met combined everywhere else. For the most part the impression I had of Texas, people don't feel a need to have to act a certain stereotype, it's all about being yourself. I used to see black men and women at the country bars all the time, or driving down the street in old beater pickups wearing cowboy hats, etc. It's more about being proud to be a Texan first and foremost, as long as your that, most people are going to accept you regardless.

[Bhaalspawn]

I haven't seen anyone mention Portland, Oregon yet. I can't speak to how black people are treated there, but since it's a liberal progressive city on the West Coast I would imagine that you'd receive decent treatment. By choosing Portland you'd avoid California's problems while also avoiding the huge population in Seattle.