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Old Yesterday, 10:15 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,031 posts, read 457,077 times
Reputation: 477

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NJ has the highest number of young adults living at home where that statistically counts as age 18-34, but when I am asking about this, I am talking about any age past 23. The traditional American concept is that you move out at 22 or 23 once you graduate college, but no later than that.

It frustrates me to hear that many people in NJ and outside NJ move out later than 23, because I really don't like living with my parents anymore and I feel like I am the only person that is not madly in love with my parents.

Yeah this is a high cost of living state, but every successful younh adult had a superior resume, drives an expensive car (mainly old people drive expensive cars here), and there are no jobs out here unless you were a Baby Boomer where jobs were easier to get in NJ's old days, so now seondary cities are the new "Millennial trend"/ "Gen Z trend".

It seems like every person my age group who was born and grown in NJ loves their parents to death and has no problem living with them forever so they wouldn't have to pay bills (like my brother's friends), while people like me never liked my parents at all and I have no desire to live home after 23. I am 21, senior in college, and have a lot saved up, I want a job out West and to be out of here right after this school year ends. I feel like I am the only person that never liked my parents (and my state too).

Throughout American history, the West was always a "transplant" friendly place where people move

Where you live, do young adults these days "love their parents to death" and how common is it for them to be living on their own?
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Old Yesterday, 10:42 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,126 posts, read 416,117 times
Reputation: 2099
The US has one of the most individualistic cultures on the planet. Part of that is the belief that it is good for young people to become independent as early as possible. In actual fact only very wealthy cultures can support this. Living independently requires a certain amount of money and in most of the world that is not easily available. Most cultures are enmeshed, where families support each other financially out of necessity. It does not mean that they love each other all the time. They generally have little choice.

In Australia, even though our culture is quite individualistic too, young people generally live at home while at university unless they are from the country. Increasing numbers stay at home for much longer periods than in the past. Reasons are that they are being educated for longer, housing prices are very high in much of the country and custom now enables people to live more as they wish in the parents house ( in the early seventies you did not bring your boyfriend/girlfriend home to sleep in your room, it was not generally done here. You got married or at least lived together somewhere else) Also we have an increasing proportion of our population who come from these enmeshed cultures, such as various Asian and in the past Mediterranean cultures. When our Anglo kids see their Chinese or Italian friends getting all the financial benefits of staying longer with the parents some think it is a good idea and decide to as well.

Perhaps all or some of these factors may apply to where you are. But if you are wanting your independence, go for it. I got married in my last year of university as I very much wanted to start my own life. My husband's family are from one of the enmeshed cultures and were horrified. But we did anyway. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing.
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Old Today, 02:11 AM
 
18,033 posts, read 4,323,797 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by potanta View Post
NJ has the highest number of young adults living at home where that statistically counts as age 18-34, but when I am asking about this, I am talking about any age past 23. The traditional American concept is that you move out at 22 or 23 once you graduate college, but no later than that.

It frustrates me to hear that many people in NJ and outside NJ move out later than 23, because I really don't like living with my parents anymore and I feel like I am the only person that is not madly in love with my parents.

Yeah this is a high cost of living state, but every successful younh adult had a superior resume, drives an expensive car (mainly old people drive expensive cars here), and there are no jobs out here unless you were a Baby Boomer where jobs were easier to get in NJ's old days, so now seondary cities are the new "Millennial trend"/ "Gen Z trend".

It seems like every person my age group who was born and grown in NJ loves their parents to death and has no problem living with them forever so they wouldn't have to pay bills (like my brother's friends), while people like me never liked my parents at all and I have no desire to live home after 23. I am 21, senior in college, and have a lot saved up, I want a job out West and to be out of here right after this school year ends. I feel like I am the only person that never liked my parents (and my state too).

Throughout American history, the West was always a "transplant" friendly place where people move

Where you live, do young adults these days "love their parents to death" and how common is it for them to be living on their own?
Hi potanta,
I am in a similar situation as yourself.I am 29 and still live with my folks.I would be able to live by myself if could of been or engineer or roughneck.I love my parents but I am so tired of it but housing is hard to come by where i live due to the oil boom.You either have to work in energy or medicine where i live to live on your own but its not a sure thing even then.Im moving out once i get married or after i get my families oil company off the ground whichever comes first..I am living at home because my families company hasnt gotten off the ground yet but once it happens im gone.

I have a lot of money i could use for rent and be independent but id rather use it for retirement.I love my parents to death but i would of moved over a decade ago if i could of.I can only get McJobs because i dont have any relevant job experience.I cant get a 9 to 5.All my cousins but one have moved out.Id say its less common here in Midland,Texas because of high school grads can afford to live on their own if they can do physical labor.Lots of STEM jobs too where i live so that helps. I am thinking of living with my parents as long as possible since i dont have expenses.I have a bachelors degree but I dont know if i can work because i have a physical disability so i might wind up living with mom and dad forever ugh.

Last edited by C24L; Today at 02:38 AM..
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Old Today, 05:43 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,866 posts, read 9,249,773 times
Reputation: 11494
Quote:
Originally Posted by potanta View Post
NJ has the highest number of young adults living at home where that statistically counts as age 18-34, but when I am asking about this, I am talking about any age past 23. The traditional American concept is that you move out at 22 or 23 once you graduate college, but no later than that.

It frustrates me to hear that many people in NJ and outside NJ move out later than 23, because I really don't like living with my parents anymore and I feel like I am the only person that is not madly in love with my parents.

Yeah this is a high cost of living state, but every successful younh adult had a superior resume, drives an expensive car (mainly old people drive expensive cars here), and there are no jobs out here unless you were a Baby Boomer where jobs were easier to get in NJ's old days, so now seondary cities are the new "Millennial trend"/ "Gen Z trend".

It seems like every person my age group who was born and grown in NJ loves their parents to death and has no problem living with them forever so they wouldn't have to pay bills (like my brother's friends), while people like me never liked my parents at all and I have no desire to live home after 23. I am 21, senior in college, and have a lot saved up, I want a job out West and to be out of here right after this school year ends. I feel like I am the only person that never liked my parents (and my state too).

Throughout American history, the West was always a "transplant" friendly place where people move

Where you live, do young adults these days "love their parents to death" and how common is it for them to be living on their own?
I think people leech off their parents until they're about 40 virtually everywhere in the U.S.
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Old Today, 06:44 AM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
17,686 posts, read 19,931,574 times
Reputation: 13642
Quote:
Originally Posted by potanta View Post
Where you live, do young adults these days "love their parents to death" and how common is it for them to be living on their own?
I grew up in the DC area and I lived with my parents while attending college, after I got a job and nearly until the time I got married.

Some people say that you don't learn "social skills" living like that. On the other hand, I will say that it helped a lot in saving up money to put a down payment on a house when I was ready to buy. As with everything, there are trade-offs.
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Old Today, 07:38 AM
 
1,301 posts, read 1,078,683 times
Reputation: 1859
Most people that live with their parents beyond 22, even though they may love them very much, are typically doing it out of not being clear on what they want out of life yet. They haven't met a life partner, are still figuring out their career, and might be paying off school debt. In other words, it's somewhat independent of their love for their parents. Even if you dearly love your parents, at some point you're going to be bothered by some of their ways if you are an adult living in close quarters.
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Old Today, 10:51 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
30,568 posts, read 55,604,844 times
Reputation: 32341
I moved out at age 19 while still in college and it was to get away from my parents. Two of our 3 (millennial) kids also moved out at age 19 with good jobs to pay the rent. I have never known anyone that stayed at home because they dearly loved their parents. That seems like a good excuse to avoid admitting to a lack of financial ability to move out.
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Old Today, 11:20 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,031 posts, read 457,077 times
Reputation: 477
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarisaMay View Post
The US has one of the most individualistic cultures on the planet. Part of that is the belief that it is good for young people to become independent as early as possible. In actual fact only very wealthy cultures can support this. Living independently requires a certain amount of money and in most of the world that is not easily available. Most cultures are enmeshed, where families support each other financially out of necessity. It does not mean that they love each other all the time. They generally have little choice.

In Australia, even though our culture is quite individualistic too, young people generally live at home while at university unless they are from the country. Increasing numbers stay at home for much longer periods than in the past. Reasons are that they are being educated for longer, housing prices are very high in much of the country and custom now enables people to live more as they wish in the parents house ( in the early seventies you did not bring your boyfriend/girlfriend home to sleep in your room, it was not generally done here. You got married or at least lived together somewhere else) Also we have an increasing proportion of our population who come from these enmeshed cultures, such as various Asian and in the past Mediterranean cultures. When our Anglo kids see their Chinese or Italian friends getting all the financial benefits of staying longer with the parents some think it is a good idea and decide to as well.

Perhaps all or some of these factors may apply to where you are. But if you are wanting your independence, go for it. I got married in my last year of university as I very much wanted to start my own life. My husband's family are from one of the enmeshed cultures and were horrified. But we did anyway. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing.
See the problem with me is that I don't want to ever get married to move out. That's another issue. Also, moving out of state means I won't have trustworthy friends to roommate with unless I search for roommates on Craigslist.

Yes, as somebody mentioned in City-Data and Reddit, living at home is an "ethnic undertone" thing too. New Jersey has a lot of Italians, Jews, Asians, and Indians where those cultures believe in living at home forever.

Am I the only New Jerseyan who doesn't like my parents and doesn't want a marriage?
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Old Today, 11:26 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
7,083 posts, read 3,908,666 times
Reputation: 13376
What's love got to do with it? You find a job, get a roommate if you have to and move out. In the 1970s I stayed at home until about 23 then found a roommate (school friend from 4th grade) with a similar situation. My gross pay was well under $450 a month and his was about the same so we managed -- rent was only about $130 for 2 bedrooms in a four-plex, bugs included. Car payments, gas, food, utilities, and other stuff ate up the rest of the money. It was a pay as you go world for the most part. That salary sounds crazy but it would be almost $30K gross per year today. That rent would be $800 in today's money.

It's different today but the plan should still work for many young people. Today the dollar numbers are a lot higher and there are many economic and financial barriers getting in the way for some. School loans are crippling young people and the jobs are not what was expected or not where they live. The dynamics of entry-level job seeking is a bit different now. In some parts of government, these are often contract workers with little security and few benefits. There's a lot of competition for jobs in the private sector in some places and not in other spots. Being mobile helps. Parents can drive you crazy but so can your boss or coworkers so suck it up. I've seen a few cases where a young person is so precious that they won't take the job that is available and would rather live at home until they get the job they want. There is something to be said for experience and a solid work record even if it is not the desired job.
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Old Today, 11:29 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,031 posts, read 457,077 times
Reputation: 477
Quote:
Originally Posted by C24L View Post
Hi potanta,
I am in a similar situation as yourself.I am 29 and still live with my folks.I would be able to live by myself if could of been or engineer or roughneck.I love my parents but I am so tired of it but housing is hard to come by where i live due to the oil boom.You either have to work in energy or medicine where i live to live on your own but its not a sure thing even then.Im moving out once i get married or after i get my families oil company off the ground whichever comes first..I am living at home because my families company hasnt gotten off the ground yet but once it happens im gone.

I have a lot of money i could use for rent and be independent but id rather use it for retirement.I love my parents to death but i would of moved over a decade ago if i could of.I can only get McJobs because i dont have any relevant job experience.I cant get a 9 to 5.All my cousins but one have moved out.Id say its less common here in Midland,Texas because of high school grads can afford to live on their own if they can do physical labor.Lots of STEM jobs too where i live so that helps. I am thinking of living with my parents as long as possible since i dont have expenses.I have a bachelors degree but I dont know if i can work because i have a physical disability so i might wind up living with mom and dad forever ugh.
Texas got a lot of jobs (but white collared) depending on which part.

If I was super disabled, like on a wheelchair, then I would be fine living with my parents forever. Sadly, I can only get McJobs in NJ, because you have to have the most prestigious resume to get a job here and that's why most people in NJ drive BMWs as the standard cars here or luxury cars (I'm not even kidding).

If I love physical labor, life would be so much easier with the job hunt since America needs more blue collared workers.
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