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Old 10-17-2019, 07:04 PM
 
1 posts, read 237 times
Reputation: 10

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Greetings,


I'm having some trouble determining where to move and thought maybe I could get some opinions and advice here. So here it goes...

I'm 40 years old and currently live in Charlotte County, FL. I hate it here. For many reasons - most of which I don't want to get into. I am originally from Missouri and miss my home state terribly. I miss my seasons, my friends, and the so-called quiet life that comes with living in a small midwestern town. I miss the woods, the trees, the changing weather, etc. Since I work from home I have the capability of living anywhere.... more on that in a few. My family is from Missouri, but I am not close to them and likely never will be. I am a big geek at heart - love tabletop and live-action role-playing games, but not so big on video games. I also enjoy board games, reading, fantasy, and science-fiction.

My wife is much older than me at 53. She is an elementary school teacher of 24 years. She was born and raised here in FL. We lived in Missouri for about six years before moving back here to FL in 2017. We moved back because she thought she wanted to be closer to her family, but she is treated like the black sheep at this point and is feeling hurt because of it.

She's the "go with the flow" type of person, but very straightforward and doesn't like to dance around things. She prefers crime shows, but like me she enjoys nature. We just have a different idea of what nature is. She likes beaches and mountains - I'm more a forest and lakes kind of guy.

Anyway, after discovering I was unhappy she told me to pick a place to move and we'll go. That's with the understanding that this will be our last move for a very long time, if not for the rest of her life. So she supports the idea of us moving 100 percent but wants this to be a final thing. A place to "settle down" and just "live life" so to speak.

We have no children. We tried to adopt, but it never worked out in our favor. We have hosted exchange students in the past and will likely do so again in the future, but we are very unlikely to ever have kids of our own at this point.

I know my wife very well, and she just wants me to ultimately be happy. Likewise, I very much desire the same for her. I'm just not sure our happiness is the same thing and that confuses me at times...

My problem is this: I feel bad about moving us back to Missouri. I know she will take a salary cut if we do that and even though she says she's okay with it as long as I'm happy, a part of me can't help but feel bad about it.

My debate going on in my mind is between Orlando (actually Davenport, FL) and somewhere back in Missouri. I even ask myself, would it be better to move somewhere else altogether different.

I do love the theme parks in Orlando and the many themed hotels. There also seems to be plenty of places to shop and eat and "have a night out on town." Likewise, I do love the idea of being season pass holders and able to go to Disney, Universal, etc whenever we want. I'm just not sure that having all that will make up for the lack of seasons, the loss of friends, and the kind of nature I enjoy.

Our combined income right now hovers right around $65,000 - and she makes the majority of the money. Hence the reason I feel bad about moving somewhere where she has to take a salary cut. I.E., I don't want to make our situation worse with this move... I want to improve it for both of us.

Look, we are active people. We thrive on being on the go - traveling. We just haven't been able to do it a lot recently. We enjoy eating out as opposed to in. Did I mention nature? We love being outdoors. We don't have many friends right now and those that we did have are mostly back in southeast Missouri. Yet, I don't want to put us in a situation where she's making less money and we feel "bored" all the time either.

Healthcare is also important for us. Insurance sucks here compared to what it was back in Missouri. But the quality of medical care certainly seems better here - at least compared to southeast Missouri. I have developed hypertension and she has type 2 diabetes...

I know ultimately this decision will be mine to make - and in truth we are headed back to Missouri in a few days for a couple of weeks so I can feel the state out again, to see if my feelings have changed at all.

But I digress, what do you all think?

Is it better to permanently live somewhere where you hate the climate, but life can always appear busy and money is flowing more freely, or is it better to be somewhere quiet and have strong friendships? That is, assuming the friendships can pick up after having been gone for two years.

What would you choose if you were in my shoes?

Would you say "screw it" and choose to move somewhere entirely different from Missouri or Florida? If so, where and why?

Thoughts, insights, opinions, and ideas are all appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

John
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Old 10-17-2019, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Landrum,SC
561 posts, read 269,682 times
Reputation: 435
Look at the Southern oregon coast, Western NC, the higher elevation of the southwest, maybe even the woodsy part of Texas. Or compromise for somewhere between FL and MO
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Old 10-17-2019, 08:26 PM
sub
 
Location: Up North
1,100 posts, read 514,551 times
Reputation: 1753
Between those two, Missouri easily.
Otherwise, someplace like Wisconsin or Michigan. Beaches, forests, lakes, etc. Also pretty good geeky culture for those board games.
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Old 10-17-2019, 09:10 PM
 
Location: East Coast
519 posts, read 311,551 times
Reputation: 660
Split the diff and go to Tenn, SC/NC, VA or GA.
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Old 10-18-2019, 12:06 AM
 
Location: SoCal, but itching to relocate
439 posts, read 241,890 times
Reputation: 574
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrScorpio25 View Post
My wife is much older than me at 53. She is an elementary school teacher of 24 years. She was born and raised here in FL. We lived in Missouri for about six years before moving back here to FL in 2017. We moved back because she thought she wanted to be closer to her family, but she is treated like the black sheep at this point and is feeling hurt because of it.
Word of advice: Don't emphasize her being "much" older than you...people can do the math!

Would she be able to get a comparable teaching job (or one she would maybe even like better) in MO? Even if the pay were less?

More importantly, how did your wife like living in MO for those six years? That's long enough to have formed an opinion. What does she have to say about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrScorpio25 View Post
...she told me to pick a place to move and we'll go. That's with the understanding that this will be our last move for a very long time, if not for the rest of her life. So she supports the idea of us moving 100 percent but wants this to be a final thing. A place to "settle down" and just "live life" so to speak.
That's a lot of pressure! I would agree to "pick a place" if she gave me a list of must-haves and deal-killers, and after narrowing down your top "picks," she agrees to check out those place(s) in person before the final decision is made -- together. You're a couple, right? Wanna stay that way?
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Old 10-18-2019, 12:33 AM
 
Location: The High Desert
7,347 posts, read 4,036,171 times
Reputation: 13972
Broaden your search. Missouri is in a death spiral. I left after 65 years and wonder why I stayed so long. A small Missouri town will not have many options for the things you say you both like. Someplace in Florida might be the answer but look around a little more. Your wife will be retired and healthcare will be increasingly important in a few years so a bigger place might be best. What will her retirement be like? There's no single place that has everything you want that you can afford. You might consider someplace in the Blue Ridge Mountains (Roanoke, Blacksburg, etc.) where you can reach the ocean beaches and lakes on weekends. There might be other places. At least you are not tied to family.
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Old 10-18-2019, 05:43 AM
 
4,053 posts, read 1,758,973 times
Reputation: 3398
My wife and I are in our mid-50's and are empty nesters. As you stated, it's ultimately up to you guys. My wife and I prefer relationships over climate/jobs/etc. So that will be up to you guys just how much of a draw that is. We LOVE the Orlando theme parks too. We've gone for decades and we had annual passes as a family for years (alternating between Disney and Universal/Sea World each year). Our schedules were where we could visit pretty much any time we wanted. We live in the Charlotte area and are blessed that all of our 4 adult children (24-28) are here, our 2 little granddaughters, and other extended family on my side. Plus we're blessed to live in a very desirable metro that we love. But, if we were to ever relocate anywhere, it would be along the Orlando/Tampa corridor. We lived in the Orlando area at one time for a year and really loved it. But the only way we could enjoy central FL would be if our kids/grandkids were there too. Taking everything you said into consideration, it sounds like Missouri will be the best overall fit. No matter where you guys end up, good luck!
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Old 10-18-2019, 06:38 AM
 
21,575 posts, read 31,239,488 times
Reputation: 20342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koji7 View Post
Split the diff and go to Tenn, SC/NC, VA or GA.
I agree, Virginia especially which has a much higher teacher salary than Missouri (40K to 32K) and a few thousand more per year than Florida. The cost of living is lower too generally speaking, offset by higher salaries (even with the 4% state income tax) and given your love of mountains/forests would suggest the I-81 corridor from Harrisonburg south to Roanoke or the western suburbs of Richmond.
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