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Old 07-08-2008, 01:35 PM
 
22 posts, read 76,316 times
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Hello All,

I am 29, married for almost 6 years. My husband is 34 almost 35... We live in MA. I have lived in this area my WHOLE life more or less... My parents live in this area also. Hubby and i have great jobs. I am an attorney working at a great firm... We have a nice house etc. We dont have kids yet... My husband has lived in different places. India, Australia, california, Minneapolis, NJ, and MA. So he has lived in different spots...

I am quite na adventurous person who loves to travel, meet new people etc... even thouigh things are overall fine here in MA, I constantly have this nagging desire to move to another state for a fresh start... I REALLY want that I think... I have felt that way for at least the last 2-3 years...

But I keep getting confused. Its that time of my life where we are considering having a baby. I dont know if I should move elsewhere and take a potential kid away from my parents (who are SOOOO lookingf forward to grandkids) but yet IIII SO have the desire for a new fresh start with my husband...

My husband may have the opportunity to move to Minneapolis through work in the next few months... I am VERY tempted to take it if it comes up, but then I am scared... But then I sort of feel suffocated at the thought oif just continuing to live in MA forever!!

Any advice on people who have moved to different states after they have grown up in one area their whole life??
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:39 PM
 
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If you're having a kid, being close to family is a good idea. Seriously, it's important that the kids get to form a relationship with their grandparents.

If you're really feeling the urge to move away, why not move to a state that's closeby? I'm sure you could find jobs in NY or CT. That may be the best option for you.

If you can't go to a nearby state, I'd honestly just stay. It's important to have a support network when you start having kids.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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I will also mention that the relationship with my parents was very bad from many years. They sort of made life pretty tough for my husband for at least the firsts 4-5 years of my marriage... Still sort of rocky but better... Thus another reason.. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...
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Old 07-08-2008, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Orange, California
1,573 posts, read 5,654,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGal View Post
I will also mention that the relationship with my parents was very bad from many years. They sort of made life pretty tough for my husband for at least the firsts 4-5 years of my marriage... Still sort of rocky but better... Thus another reason.. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...
Your situation sounds familiar. Sometimes, living near family has both postives and negatives.

I understand your desire to move out of your home state and I can tell you that it was a good move for me to move out of my home state of Virginia. I have lived in San Diego and Altanta since then and I have enjoyed both places. While I may someday move back to Virginia, I am not ready to do it at this stage in my life. And I certainly would have regretted things if I had never moved out of Virginia at all. You are young enough that if you moved to MN and decided to move back to MA in a few years, it would not be that big of a deal. If you have kids by that time, they wouldn't be in school yet so the move back would be easier than if your kids were older.
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Old 07-09-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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It just sucks when the kids only get to see their grandparents a couple times a year (which happened to me, when I moved half-way across the country from mine).
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Old 07-09-2008, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Ca2Mo2Ga2Va!
2,736 posts, read 5,957,328 times
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Do it, especially now before you have kids! I lived in San Diego till I was 34 and wanted something different. We ended up in Missouri and loved it! Ended up having twins there,lol, and my husbands work moved us to Georgia. Now we are facing another relo for my husbands job and that will be to Roanoke. We have all enjoyed our different experiences in all the places we have moved and are really excited to start our new adventure in Roanoke. In fact, tomorrow, the kids and I get to go to Roanoke for the first time to look at houses and see the area.
It's been fun with kids, but would definately be easier moving without kids! You can go where you want, not according to schools and always worried about their transistion. (I wouldn't change a thing though!)
Just do it! You can always move back. But one thing we decided with our first big move was to give our new home state at least a year before we could decide to move back home. Our year came and went and that was actually 7 years ago! Haven't been back yet! Good luck!!!
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Old 07-09-2008, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 15,521,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGal View Post
-- I constantly have this nagging desire to move to another state for a fresh start... I REALLY want that I think... I have felt that way for at least the last 2-3 years...
-- I SO have the desire for a new fresh start with my husband...
-- My husband may have the opportunity to move to Minneapolis through work in the next few months...
-- I am VERY tempted to take it if it comes up
-- I sort of feel suffocated at the thought oif just continuing to live in MA forever!!

Do you see you have answered your questions?...

Life is not about what anyone besides you thinks is an appropriate or desirable way to live. Nor is life about "practicalities", which are only the details of how we accomplish what life is really about: doing and being what makes our hearts sing. And life is often about having several options possible at one time, such as relocating and having children, not either-or.

For some people, the singing heart lives in new experiences, new sights, new smells, new sounds -- learning who we are from being someone we haven't been before. And since we've never been there before, we have no idea what fascinating aspects of ourselves will blossom, until we live there...

There is nothing to be "scared" of, unless you are planning to put yourself in mortal danger. But there is lots to feel excited about, thrilled about, giddy about.

You and your husband are grownups, so you're not likely to make foolish choices. And your husband has experience wandering; has the thought ever occurred to you that part of the reason you two chose to be together is so that he can introduce you to wanderlust?

If you have a child, or a bunch of children, you will be able to show them what flexibility and adaptability have to offer, and why variety is the spice of life, right?

And thanks to the industrial revolution, there are phones, email, planes, trains, busses, cars and RVs that can connect your present family with your birth family, right?

If your heart cries out "I MUST GO!", then you must go. The voice of your heart is the voice of your integrity, of your life.

I spent the first 30 years of my life in New York City, and was in a career that most people would have kept in NYC. The next 11 years I was in Tokyo. Then 1 on the road in the western states and B.C. with stopovers in Arizona and Oregon with tries at living there. Then 2 in Montana, and the next 20 in the Seattle area interrupted by a short period in Alaska. I would not trade a minute in any of those places for staying in one place, because I became so much more than the person I would have been if I had remained in one way of living, one perspective, one narrow vision. I had no idea, when I was in New York, that there was so much more of me to become. Experiencing blossomed me.

I wish you joy! Remember that no matter what paths you choose, Life will always show you the very best those paths have to offer you.
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Old 07-09-2008, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 15,521,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGal View Post
the relationship with my parents was very bad from many years. They sort of made life pretty tough for my husband

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...
Well, not exactly the way you might assume...

I had cruel parents. I would never have wanted their influence, their presence, their very breath, anywhere near a child of mine. A local network of people who diminish me is not a "support" network; it's just babysitters you wish you didn't have to be with. How nourishing is that for you, your child, your husband, your marriage, your values, your integrity, your life?

Distance made me feel relieved, free, able to breathe fully for the first time in my life. Distance gave me the space to learn why, and how, to love myself, and why they weren't able to love me -- and that what people do (like love or not love, criticize or praise, beat or hug) is always about who they are, not about who I am. That what people do and say expresses who they are, nothing more, so I am free to choose to be and express differently.

Being out of the air they lived in gave me clean, new air to breathe.

My distance from them made my heart grow fonder for ME -- and thus allowed me to become able to forgive them.

Then I was able to learn to understand -- not agree with, just comprehend -- them and their values and perspectives. So instead of pushing against them, I was able to flow with me and what I loved. And I was able to answer their letters, make brief phone calls to them on birthdays and such, and choose to live my life instead of theirs...

For some of us, we must choose distance in order to learn freedom.

Last edited by allforcats; 07-09-2008 at 03:45 PM..
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:37 AM
 
22 posts, read 76,316 times
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Thank you... I guess distance WOULD allow me to breathe... I DO need to live for ME at some point...It has been all about my mom etc.. My parents are not old...They are 55 and 63. Dad still works. Its not like they NEED me right now. Emotionally they do, but otherwise not...

I dont think its fair that they revolve their ENTIRE life's plan around ME and take it for granted that my job is to be near them all the time... Now they are revolving their life around their future grandchild. They never assume I WANT anything different.... I DO have a brother except he moved to the other side of the country!!! He is single. So they have like NO expectations from him... Just from ME.

I kind of wish it was a cooler place than Minneapolis though...! Like Chicago, or San francisco, seattle, or something...
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:59 AM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,085 posts, read 11,459,173 times
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If you're planning to have kids, I'd stay put or move to a nearby state so the kid could have a relationship with the grandparents. Been there, done that, and glad I stayed/moved nearby, considering my kid's grandmother died last year at age 67. Had we moved when and where I wanted they would have never gotten a chance to know each other. If you decide to move, at least be sure to help nurture their relationship with frequent visits. On the other hand, maybe you should go for it. You only have one life to live, especially if you've been stuck in one place your whole life... a fate I can't imagine; I know what the itch is like and have scratched it many times. Good luck in whatever you decide.
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