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Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
Honk your horn the instant the light changes.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.
Learn to swerve abruptly. The Northeast is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.
Never use directional signals. They are a sign of weakness.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
Never drive behind a person whose head doesn't reach the top of the steering wheel.
The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
Honk your horn the instant the light changes.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.
Learn to swerve abruptly. The Northeast is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.
Never use directional signals. They are a sign of weakness.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
Never drive behind a person whose head doesn't reach the top of the steering wheel.
The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
Note to self: never get into a car with ^^this guy^^ behind the wheel.
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