40% of US births are now out of wedlock (wedding, to live)

[terrence81]

I can see both arguments but this stastic is not the gospel proving the end of days.

I think it just shows that marriage just isn't a priority like it was once. That's not neccesarily a bad thing. Maybe if we got away from the idea that marriage is the be all that ends all and let marriage be about love there would be fewer divorces because maybe people wouldn't just blindly feel the need to get married. But for many they don't care if you're happy or not but rather or not you're married that alone makes you a good person. Nobody actually says this but boy oh boy that seems to be implied sometimes. Less so with the younger folks but the older folks from my parents' generation. Don't be alone just find SOMEONE. I know I should take my frustrations up with my mom but geez Louise.

I realize the history. I realize that marriage being about love is a relatively new thing. So we should go back to the days of marriage being a life long business transaction? A wife is bought and sold to the highest bidder? Yeah that sounds like something I'd like to go back to.

Also let's get away from these blanket statements. Maybe I take offense becasue I was raised by a single mother and I'm not a bad guy. Yes the same single mother who's now remarried and presurring me to get a wife and stepdad is no better get a wife or a husband just move in with someone. I'm educated and don't cause trouble isnt' that what matters?

At the same time there are way too many people having children that aren't prepared to raise them. There are too many girls who think that a guy is going to stick around and he doesn't.

I remember I was talking to an old neighbor. He was about 22 at the time. Hadn't seen him since high school. So what are you up to? "Oh got a few mini-mes running around." "Really?" "Yeah I got 3 kids working on the fourth." He then points to his pregnant girlfriend standing by her car. She hears all of this how he's got 3 kids by 3 different women all over town. He's got no job and he's a high school drop out. Yet she still has a baby with him. Sigh.

So yeah on one hand. Marriage needs to be de-emphasized and more focus should be placed on being happy and fulfilled with or without a spouse. At the same time more people need to think before they act (especially without birth control).

[midwesterner guy]

40% of US births are now out of wedlock

Just think of the money they’ll save over the course of their lives not having to buy a Fathers Day card every year.

[missymomof3]

Originally Posted by skrazzle

Me and my gf have been together 7 years.... we will get married some day i'm sure, but not anytime soon, its just not a priority.

Being married does not mean we love each other more, our parents are both married and never divorced which seems almost rate, but we have grown up and seen people marry and divorce among our friends, etc...

point is, we will probably have kids soon, and it will be out of wedlock, but it doesn't mean we aren't a family and that its anything bad.

I don't understand why you want to commit to having kids with her but not marriage first?

[missymomof3]

Originally Posted by TANaples

many, many years ago who had been together for 25 years and had 4 kids. They owned a business together, owned property together, refered to each other as husband and wife, etc., but had never set foot in a courthouse or a church. The majority of people who knew them thought they were legally married, which is what they appeared to be. They only told a very select few people. The husband told me one day. He said they were married before each other and no government or church could say anything different in their eyes.

How many people today, who step before a judge or clergy, can say the same after 25 years?

My Grandparents who have been married 63 years this year, my sister who has been married 13.

[missymomof3]

Originally Posted by PurpleLove08

The majority of prisoners were Christians before they committed their crime...want to explain that?

Now how do you know that??

[terrence81]

Another thing that sucks about marriage is that divorce can wreck such havoc on one's life. It's super expensive a guy can really get screwed with outrageous alimony payments or lose what he worked hard for. Meanwhile for a woman her credit gets screwed or a mean husband can run her name through the mud. They are also expensive for both parties and involve private information being divulged.

I used to work for a credit card company and remember several instances of angry spouses taking another spouses credit card during a nasty divorce and running up the bill. I talked to a guy whose ex-wife or soon to be ex-wife spent like $3K in one weekend at the mall. Unless he wanted to file charges to get his wife arrested he just had to pay that bill. Another soon to be ex-wife found out not only had her husband been running her credit bill into the thousands again over the course of maybe two or three weekends but his mistress was in on the action.

There's too much emotional and financial risk to get married in this day and age. If you're not married but are just dating even for many years then there's less damage if there's a breakup particularly financially. It's nice to think that a marriage will last forever and those that are married for that long I applaud them.

Again I'm still simultaneously saying shame shame on those that foolishly have children that they can't care for. So if the woman can take care of their child that's still more important than marital status alone. Hate to say it but a child will love you forever, a man or a woman probably won't.

[TomDot]

Originally Posted by TANaples

simply because women today are educated and independent. That horse left the barn decades ago. Ever here of Murphy Brown?

Ask the kid who is intentionally denied a father whether he/she gives a crap whether his/her mother is educated and independent.

[EclecticEars]

This fact is very sad, but I'm surprised it's not even higher.

[city_data91]

Originally Posted by terrence81

Another thing that sucks about marriage is that divorce can wreck such havoc on one's life. It's super expensive a guy can really get screwed with outrageous alimony payments or lose what he worked hard for. Meanwhile for a woman her credit gets screwed or a mean husband can run her name through the mud. They are also expensive for both parties and involve private information being divulged.

I used to work for a credit card company and remember several instances of angry spouses taking another spouses credit card during a nasty divorce and running up the bill. I talked to a guy whose ex-wife or soon to be ex-wife spent like $3K in one weekend at the mall. Unless he wanted to file charges to get his wife arrested he just had to pay that bill. Another soon to be ex-wife found out not only had her husband been running her credit bill into the thousands again over the course of maybe two or three weekends but his mistress was in on the action.

There's too much emotional and financial risk to get married in this day and age. If you're not married but are just dating even for many years then there's less damage if there's a breakup particularly financially. It's nice to think that a marriage will last forever and those that are married for that long I applaud them.

Again I'm still simultaneously saying shame shame on those that foolishly have children that they can't care for. So if the woman can take care of their child that's still more important than marital status alone. Hate to say it but a child will love you forever, a man or a woman probably won't.

And that's why I don't want to get married. My parents try to persuade me to get married using their marriage as an example. I just tell them I would be just as likely to have a failed marriage.

[TANaples]

Originally Posted by missymomof3

My Grandparents who have been married 63 years this year, my sister who has been married 13.

this August, but so what? My parents were married 50 years and fought every single day, AND made my life miserable as kid. So which is better? A loving stable relationship, with or without marriage, straight or gay, or just longevity? I will go with the former.