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Thank you! I think you are correct about that perception: Some Southerners think Northerners have never learned their manners, but just making that assumption is rude!! lol
Anyway, right on about the funeral procession. It's that way all over. No one breaks in, and if traffic backs up, it's ok because it's a sign of respect to the people who have lost some one. I have to add that when my mother died many years ago, the funeral processon went right by a man working in his front lawn. He saw the funeral procession, stopped working, and took his hat off and held it over his heart until the cars passed. It brings a tear of appreciation to my eyes even now. And that was in western NY in 1961!!
After living in both the north and the south it surely goes both ways and rudeness also goes both ways. The thread is about unspoken southern rules but I think we're finding out that there are unspoken rules in all communities north or south of the mason-dixon line. It comes down to people.
And to be fair, there are some nice differences about The South.
I went to Lowe's to buy some vegetable plants and had another customer, who wasn't even buying for herself, help me pick out plants for my garden. One time I was there and another lady helped me load up my car. I've seen more than a few cops on the side of the road changing ladies' tires. I've been in a lot of doctor's offices, lately, and the time goes quickly because there almost always is someone to chat with. My husband broke down on the side of the road and had to walk home - about five miles - to get some tools. He walked about a minute and someone picked him up and drove him to his door. Even told him "God bless you."
That sort of stuff didn't happen often up north and certainly didn't happen in Florida where people were not only rude but aggressive. It must be that heat.
You are so right! I lived for 11 years up north and learned their customs as well. And they definitely made an impression. I miss some of their etiquette and customs as some were really sweet. One thing to note on weddings: the area I was in (PA) had a custom where it was perfectly fine, and accepted, to bring wedding cards with checks/money inside of them, to the reception. There would actually be a white wishing well (usually adorned with greenery and flowers) at the reception for folks to place the cards in. Did you have anything like that where you were from up north Hik?
I'm from NJ - We have showers and give gifts and at the weddings we give money (a few will give gifts but they are the exception). The bride used to carry a satin bag for the cards but many of us hated doing that and have switched to either a cute wishing well or a decorated mail box for the cards on the gift table. I have never sent a gift to a brides house. Weddings in this area of the country are large elaborate things. I found other areas of the country keep weddings simplier.
When I first moved here I overheard several mothers at the local school talking about an upcoming wedding. They were very excited to attend because it was a Roman Catholic wedding and there was going to be an elaborate reception with alcoholic beverages. I was so surprised to find people that had never attended something like that when for me it is the norm.
Thanks Everyone, I really appreciate your perspectives on the social rules. After reading these I don't think I'll make any major blunders at funerals or weddings. Now making friends might get me in trouble, if someone is friendly and you have something in common that is about all it takes to start a friendship. At this point you might go on an outing and if the friendship is deepening you might invite that friend to your home. I might freak out if someone invited me over so to see if anyone wanted to be my friend. It's good to know that it could happen though. It seems politeness and good sense still prevails.
You'll be fine. These social rules might've prevailed in 1960 or if you're running in some ultra-high class social circle, but for the most part everyday people in Knoxville are like everyday people in Pennsylvania are like everyday people in Utah.
I am a florist in upstate NY and see the wedding gift issue come up all the time. I'd say it's a pretty even split between those that send the gifts to the house & those that bring them to the reception. Except for cards with cash, checks or gift cards. The wishing well and mailbox are still used, and now the big bird cages are becoming popular. I still like the wishing well the best; it's easiest to decorate and the cards pile up nicely, unlike the cages (grrrr).
I went to a wedding in NC last year and didn't know about the "bless your heart" thing until much later. Every time someone asked where I was from & got NY as the response, I heard "bless your heart". I cracked up when I found out what that really meant, .
I have an interesting question. Is bringing a "covered dish" to the grave site of a departed family member also practiced in other areas of the country or this custom mainly southern? I don't know how much this is still practiced, but I can remember when I was young we would bring food to my grandfather's grave site and eat it.
I've learned that means "I sympathize with you" or "you poor, dumb thing, I won't let you see me laugh."
I have very rarely witnessed this used in a derogatory sense. It is mainly a display of well-intentioned sympathy. Maybe you are constructing insinuations that are not always present? Just as one should not assume that a northerner is ill-mannered or rude, one should not assume that a southerner's friendliness has ulterior motives.
I have an interesting question. Is bringing a "covered dish" to the grave site of a departed family member also practiced in other areas of the country or this custom mainly southern? I don't know how much this is still practiced, but I can remember when I was young we would bring food to my grandfather's grave site and eat it.
That custom might be family or severely regional-specific, as I grew up just a few counties east of Knox county and I've NEVER heard of that. (Forgive me, but it even sounds a bit... gross.)
I think a much more practiced custom is bringing food to a specified home of one of the relatives of the deceased. When my great-grandmother passed, people from all over the community came by my grandmother's house. She (my grandma) has 12 brothers and sisters and the community itself is very close knit, so it was like a huge revolving party that lasted a couple days.
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Just as one should not assume that a northerner is ill-mannered or rude, one should not assume that a southerner's friendliness has ulterior motives.
