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Old 06-05-2009, 02:31 PM
 
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A lady in our office is from Newark New Jersey and she is always homesick. She wants to move back to Newark and live in a place where she is comfortable again. She always tells me that the people/culture/scenery and way of life is better back in Jersey than her new State of VA. She struggles with the people in the south and is always complaining about our culture and way of life.

It reminds me of many posts I have read on this board. People who say they could not wait to get out of their hometown and get to someplace different. But as an adult years later many move back because no matter how hard they try they can not get adjusted to the new towns culture, people, and way of life.

So, if you moved from the state you grew up in, do you feel more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life back in your home state or where you live now?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
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When I first moved from CT to NY, I definitely felt much more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life back home. I never really felt like I fit in. Then, moving from NY to NC, now I feel much more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life here.
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Sarasota, Florida
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I live in Florida now; but definitely felt more comfortable in Pennsylvania. People, in Sarasota at least, are "uppity" and unfriendly and crime here is outrageous relative to Pennsylvania.
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:33 PM
 
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I lived in Philly, Dallas and Phoenix.

I loved all three of those cities.

Now, I am in SC. I hate this place with a passion and want out
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:23 PM
 
Location: roaming gnome
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I've been in and out of the south my entire life, I've never felt particularly comfortable here nor do I fit in(but my divorced parents both choose to live in different locations by the beach in North FL)
I have lived in other cities and felt much more comfortable. Leaving in exactly 10 days, again...and hopefully this time will not return except to visit, and actually, I'd rather not visit and just fly them out wherever I am. Pretty much all my friends from those days got out as well.
I've felt much more comfortable in Chicago, Bay Area California and visiting cities like Paris/NYC/London etc..
My sides of the family are from Chicago and Boston originally so I was definitely not raised southern, but grew up all around it, somewhat sheltered, doing kids stuff... Being an adult in it living and working, esp after living 4 years in Chicago, in California, and abroad in Europe/Africa, then to small town south again..after one more shot at trying to be close to my family ...6 months of it and I have grown to hate it and not going to finish what I was planning on doing here, it is just not worth not enjoying life over.

I've seen about 25 similar stories on here and know many personally.

Last edited by grapico; 06-06-2009 at 12:38 PM..
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Old 06-06-2009, 05:45 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
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I grew up in Chicago and went to college in Indiana. I then moved to St. Louis, hated it with a passion, then went to Seattle. I was really missing Chicago, but ...

Oh. My. God. What a difference. Beautiful scenery (two mountain ranges and three major mountains all within sight of most of the Sound). Beautiful people (despite Seattle having a "chill" associated with it, unrightfully so). Wonderful public transportation (if a bit late at times). Due to many transplants living here, a great variety too (culturally and ethnically).

I would feel great in Chicago because that's where home is. But Seattle is more laid back, doesn't take itself as seriously, and you can go mountain climbing within 40 minutes. You can take a trip to Canada in 3 hours. You can visit a UNESCO World Heritage Site that is absolutely GORGEOUS within 5 hours. Or you can stay in the city and enjoy one of many artistic and cultural parties that happen every weekend in summer.

That and I found my wife here. So I'm putting my roots here.
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Old 06-06-2009, 11:08 PM
 
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A couple of things that may (or may not) be relevant to the situation faced by your coworker. How long has she been there? Moving from one part of the country to another, especially as different as Newark from some parts of VA, does mean cultural changes, so she could be facing a temporary culture shock (there are different stages; it doesn't necessarily hit hard right away). I think missing one's home state or town (especially if there are still family members there) can also hit during major life events - if she has had a child recently, or if her relatives back "home" are having kids, experiencing health problems, getting married, or otherwise doing things that highlight to her that she's living somewhere else. I would think that this especially has power if she's single, doesn't have kids, or otherwise maybe isn't feeling grounded or connected to where she is now (or if she's living there due to circumstances that feel beyond her control).

I moved away from home state after college. I eventually ended up in California, and felt more at home there than at "home." In the end, though, we'll be buying a home and putting down some permanent (or at least more permanent than ever before) roots in my home state, not because of feeling more culturally connected or not at ease in California (I feel very Californian), but because of more practical reasons, namely that we can afford to live a better life in MN, while in CA our cost of living is extremely high. We have family there, and if we live permanently in CA we'll have a tough time getting back to visit as often as we'd like, not only because of the high costs of travel (pet sitter or vet stay, airfare, etc.) but because of the hassles of getting time off from work, etc. MN is also a great place, and given the practical pros and cons of each place for us specifically we're choosing MN. I'm sure that there are others in similar positions. I also know others who have returned "home" due to their parents aging, a parent widowed, or other similar issues that led them to make a decision to return to live closer to family. (I also know others who have done the opposite thing, and convinced family to move closer to them)

There's also a bit of reverse culture shock moving back to where you grew up, especially if you left while still relatively young. People change, places change, and while you might be going "back" in terms of geography, you can't go back in terms of time.
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:37 AM
 
54 posts, read 268,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post

There's also a bit of reverse culture shock moving back to where you grew up, especially if you left while still relatively young. People change, places change, and while you might be going "back" in terms of geography, you can't go back in terms of time.
EXACTLY! I know so many people who loooong to go back to where they moved from, etc... I moved from MI and always wanted to go back when I was younger (although, I only moved to OH), but going back, everything looks smaller, all your friends have moved or moved on, places close, some other family lives in your old house... Needless to say, time does not stand still. I think many many people forget that, as I see so many people, especially on this board, complaining about where they moved to and how they hate it compared to where they are from.

I have always felt out of place living in OH and plan on moving a while after I get married (in 3 months.) I would love to go somewhere like Norcal, I have always just felt more relaxed out there and that there is so much more to do and enjoy. Hopefully I will make a good living so that I can fly our parents out to visit to ease that burden.
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Denver
692 posts, read 2,421,088 times
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Actually...no. I fit in well when I lived there but find the PNW
more livable and stimulating in a positive way.
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Old 06-10-2009, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Atlanta -Moved from Denver
131 posts, read 438,715 times
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I moved out to Denver for college and stayed for about 5 years after.

Neither DC (where I grew up) nor ATL (where I have lived for the last 3 years) is home to me.

Denver will always be "home" and where I feel most comfortable.
The people, way of life, values etc ARE different.
I will continue to wear on my wife to move back no matter how long it takes.
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