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Old 04-16-2007, 12:38 AM
 
Location: Tennessee/Michigan
28,220 posts, read 47,646,554 times
Reputation: 19730

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1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.


2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.


4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.


5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.




6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.


8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.


9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a LOT of water.


10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.


11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it's farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year.


12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.


13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.


14. We don't do "hurry up" well.


15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.


16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.


17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it? pig farms -- income -- money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.


18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.


19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.


20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?


21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators...and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.


22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.


23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.


24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.


25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there?


26. And no, down here we don't have an accent, you do.
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:50 AM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
1,806 posts, read 5,111,153 times
Reputation: 853
...........................................bump... ..........................................
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Old 04-16-2007, 01:13 AM
 
1,075 posts, read 3,247,498 times
Reputation: 1130
Purty darn good, i like it
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,582,075 times
Reputation: 13182
Funny!!!
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
32,404 posts, read 59,910,649 times
Reputation: 54063
Quote:
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them.
Amen to that!

Quote:
25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there?
That, too. I don't know how many people I've met who are "afraid" to visit the South because "they don't like Northerners." Well, I've discovered that Southerners like us Northerners just fine if we don't put on airs, be pleasant and friendly, and say "please" and "thank you."
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Old 04-16-2007, 10:30 AM
 
3,042 posts, read 8,093,644 times
Reputation: 1154
Dang, John, you are an awesome fellow southern--and yes northerners half of the south is black and we love it down here too, in fact even northern blacks love us so much they are moving down in droves.

we have bugs and we love it, we have snakes, we have heat, we have gators, we have fried food. Funny yankees go to the carribean and latin america and they love the heat, fried food, and there are even larger bugs, snakes and gators there but they dont complain.
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Old 04-16-2007, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Central Jersey - Florida
3,337 posts, read 12,656,400 times
Reputation: 2135
Quote:
Originally Posted by John1960 View Post
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.


2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.


4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.


5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.




6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.


8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.


9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a LOT of water.


10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.


11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it's farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year.


12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.


13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.


14. We don't do "hurry up" well.


15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.


16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.


17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it? pig farms -- income -- money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.


18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.


19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.


20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?


21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators...and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.


22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.


23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.


24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.


25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there?


26. And no, down here we don't have an accent, you do.
DANG!...........
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Old 04-16-2007, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped from Philly ;-}
1,182 posts, read 1,323,347 times
Reputation: 279
It's funny how northerners think everyone else is uneducated & backwards. But who has more common sense?!(& you can't buy that with a college education!)
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Old 04-16-2007, 10:58 AM
 
Location: in a house
3,574 posts, read 13,125,481 times
Reputation: 2341
Can I add something (my additions in bold) to this most excellent list:

17. They are pigs(cows). That's what they smell like (money). Get it? pig farms -- income -- money(milk)? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstate 85 (95 and 77)goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir," no matter how young (or what color)he is. Female officer? Her name is "M'am".

27. "Clogging" or "flatfooting" are dances, not plumbing or foot problems.
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Vero Beach, Fl
2,949 posts, read 12,186,413 times
Reputation: 2075
OMG - I could just grab you for a hug. I don't know you but I love you!!! :-) Keeping it real.
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