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Old 04-16-2007, 09:29 AM
Location: Tennessee/Michigan
28,215 posts, read 47,628,039 times
Reputation: 19724


Disclaimer: Poster not responsible for stuff reader might or might not snot out their nose or shoot out their mouth!

Moving South

Dear Diary:

May 30th:
Just moved to Montgomery, Alabama from up North. Now this is a city
that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather
upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like
Kibbles and ****s. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1, 500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th:
It's 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner
fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this
freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid
repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

August 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you
today?", I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to
work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I
smell like baked cat!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost two
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my
car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn
recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Ho t and sunny. It's been too
hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert??
Water rationing will be next, so might as well watch $1700 worth of
cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't
live in this damn heat.

August 15th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 105 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came
to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the
$1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking South . What kind
of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:45 PM
Location: Phoenix metro
20,005 posts, read 69,429,074 times
Reputation: 10115
Humourous post aside, why does everyone make it sound like the south is so "sunny" (outside of Florida), its really not sunnier than most cities, not by a vast percentage at least. Heck, I checked real quick and Montgomery only gets 4% more sunshiney days on average than Chicago. LOL Months upon months of relentless humidity. No thanks. LOLOL

Also, that post was aimed towards Arizona, I dont know why they twisted it and made it sound like it was a southern thing. A dead giveaway would be # 10 on the post, referencing the desert. The south is about the furthest thing from a desert. LOL
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:54 PM
48 posts, read 244,810 times
Reputation: 40
Yup. Pretty cute, except in the summer, it rains just about every afternoon in Montgomery. You can almost set your watch to it. Practically a tropical rainforest. Mold, not drought, is the big problem. But I can personally vouch for the leather seats part. OUCH!
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:34 PM
Location: Area 51
44 posts, read 33,387 times
Reputation: 12
Alabama, the heart of Dixie.Love it!.
In my childhood i had an english teacher from there.
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:07 AM
Location: The Bay State
331 posts, read 1,483,616 times
Reputation: 196

Absolutely what my experience was when I moved "down there." The first summer I couldn't even walk 15 yards from my front door to the mailbox without feeling like I was going to collapse. I did, eventually, sort of adjust though. And drank lots and lots and lots of iced tea!
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