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Old 11-23-2009, 06:09 PM
 
10 posts, read 21,918 times
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I am a single mom with three small children who is considering a move to another state with no family or friends. I moved to Columbus, Ohio about three years ago from San Diego, California after my husband died so that I could be closer to my sister. Well, after living in Ohio after three years, I realize that this isn't my cup of tea. I want to start over some place else and don't want to limit myself to just where family and friends are located. I've lived overseas and a few other places and know that I don't want to live in Ohio for the long term. Money and finding a job isn't an issue because even in death, my husband is still the breadwinner and I haven't worked in 7 years. I'm open to any place too. Currently, I don't rely on my sister too much to look after the kids, but having that security is nice (just in case). However, is this enough to stay in a place that I'm not happy? My children are in a great Christian school and that's the only thing that holds me back. The issue is...Am I nuts for wanting to do this solo? Are there any other single parents that have already gone (or are going) through this?

Thanks
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Old 11-23-2009, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Illinois
2,813 posts, read 2,255,063 times
Reputation: 5038
What is it that you are looking for? Are you looking for better schools? Warmer weather? Lower cost of living? Friendly (and kid-friendly) environment? An environment that is conducive to dating?

I guess you should first understand why you are unhappy. I do know that some people seem to think that a city should offer so many things to them and meet all their needs. However, I have found that a good city is one where you make a commitment to living there and carving out your own niche.
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Old 11-26-2009, 04:13 PM
 
771 posts, read 264,517 times
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What grade are your children in?

Id say gut it out until they graduate if the children are in advanced stages in their education. To start over socially in high school is incredibly difficult, and a burden on them they won't ever forget.

Third graders? Move. 9th graders? Wait.
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Old 12-04-2009, 11:15 PM
 
669 posts, read 793,790 times
Reputation: 271
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your husband. I have two 6 year olds and can only imagine how difficult it is to parent alone.

I'm betting that you're a trooper and can handle almost anything at this point.

I do agree that it's tough on kids to move. My parents moved when I was in 3rd grade, 6th grade and then I moved into a high school of course in 9th grade.

They had also moved several times before the 3rd grade move, but that didn't bother me at all at that age. But 3rd grade was a DRAG.

My husband and I are moving to Richmond, VA -- it looks like a great place to raise a family. Especially if you like history, museums, mild weather.

I also wanted to suggest Reno, Nevada. I lived there from 3rd to 6th and liked the Reno part. Not the school part. But Reno itself was very nice. Awesome proximity to Tahoe (an easy 40 min. drive). I'm not into skiing, but the Tahoe beaches are awesome.

Good luck to you!

Alley
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:47 AM
 
Location: In the woods
3,286 posts, read 5,262,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia64 View Post
My husband and I are moving to Richmond, VA -- it looks like a great place to raise a family. Especially if you like history, museums, mild weather.
I was thinking that the OP may like this area area too -- mid- to southern VA or NC.

OP, when you decide on a few possibly locations, I suggest that you look on the City-Data U.S. Forum and see what others have queried/posted in those possible locations. That may give you an idea about the location. And be sure to post any questions you have. I find that people are very helpful to those seeking to move on in their lives.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 12-25-2009, 10:21 AM
 
53 posts, read 85,822 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyseekingmore View Post
I am a single mom with three small children who is considering a move to another state with no family or friends. I moved to Columbus, Ohio about three years ago from San Diego, California after my husband died so that I could be closer to my sister. Well, after living in Ohio after three years, I realize that this isn't my cup of tea. I want to start over some place else and don't want to limit myself to just where family and friends are located. I've lived overseas and a few other places and know that I don't want to live in Ohio for the long term. Money and finding a job isn't an issue because even in death, my husband is still the breadwinner and I haven't worked in 7 years. I'm open to any place too. Currently, I don't rely on my sister too much to look after the kids, but having that security is nice (just in case). However, is this enough to stay in a place that I'm not happy? My children are in a great Christian school and that's the only thing that holds me back. The issue is...Am I nuts for wanting to do this solo? Are there any other single parents that have already gone (or are going) through this?

Thanks
No you're not nuts! I'm a single mom living in Columbus, Ohio since 2007. I'm headed outta here in two months while counting down the days. Most of my family (very abusive immediate family) lives an hour away also in Ohio and I wont miss their abuse one bit. Columbus didn't have what I was looking for neither. My issue here was getting a permanent job with benefits. I was only able to get jobs through temp agencies with no benefits the past three years I've been here. I had gotten sick while working through a temp agency after 7 months and gotten fired with no insurance to cover my medical costs. I can't wait to leave to here to start over fresh to get a permanent job in my desired work field to provide a better life for my kids. As I think about it, I have an aunt who relocated to California from Dayton Ohio 20 years ago with no friends nor family there, she became a single mom 3 years after moving there and still till this day, she is doing perfect and she's happy with tons of friends she calls her family.LOL! If leaving is what you really want to be happy, go for it! Good Luck to you!

Last edited by Ilovetheinternet; 12-25-2009 at 10:40 AM..
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Old 12-26-2009, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Illinois
2,813 posts, read 2,255,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkin about it View Post
What grade are your children in?

Id say gut it out until they graduate if the children are in advanced stages in their education. To start over socially in high school is incredibly difficult, and a burden on them they won't ever forget.

Third graders? Move. 9th graders? Wait.
I have to agree with this. I did wait until my oldest finished high school before picking up and leaving. It was best for her and I felt I at least owed her that.

Younger kids can and will be able to start over.
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Old 12-26-2009, 07:49 PM
 
3,439 posts, read 4,556,270 times
Reputation: 3221
You are not crazy at all. Do your research and then do it. In your heart you know what's best for your family and you - do it. If you pick the right spot you will make friends and enjoy your life. Good for you.
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Old 12-27-2009, 02:03 AM
 
43,017 posts, read 50,723,815 times
Reputation: 28797
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyseekingmore View Post
However, is this enough to stay in a place that I'm not happy? My children are in a great Christian school and that's the only thing that holds me back.
Happiness is 90% within yourself and only 10% location.

Sability for your children is the reason you should stay. It doesn't have anything to do with going solo. It has to do with providing stability for your children. Their father has died. They've established themselves in Ohio. Now you want to move them 3 years later. That's not stability. And stability is what children need the most.

Your happiness is irrelevant. You're a mother. Children come first. And, honestly, happiness comes from inside. It has little to do with location. You very well could go somewhere else only to find yourself 'unhappy' and wanting to move three years from now again and again. You shouldn't want to uproot your children.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to find happiness within yourself where you currently live.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Western North Carolina
3,295 posts, read 4,393,838 times
Reputation: 4745
I have some suggestions and experience on this subject. I am a single mother with two teenagers.

First of all, you don't sound like someone who has to take finances/working into account, at least not at this point. That is a big factor. I would not be able to survive if I did not live in housing I can afford on my low salary, and that determines where I live. Here in the outskirts of Charlotte, NC, I can afford a house and the utilities are low.

That being said, this is NOT a good area for single mothers in the sense that this area is geared towards those with traditional family structures. And I would venture so say that most of the South is like that, except within the expensive major city areas. I find it hard to meet other single mothers (or fathers), and there are few social opportunities for single people. That didn't bother me when my kids were little and needed me - I was content with working and caring for them. Now that they're older, I'm longing for a little "life" for myself and may have to move to another area to find it.

I agree with those who said don't move your children if they are over a certain age. My son had to leave his high school and move here (10th grade) and he is miserable. and is having problems adjusting. He feels I took him away from his friends in Montana. We didn't have a choice and I know he'll survive, but if I could have avoided it, I would have.
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