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We live in SE Michigan in a nice, newer house in a safe, small town. Hubby has a good, secure job and I do very well working 1-2 nights/week as an RN. We are very happy here with no plans to move, but we have a 15yo daughter who acts like we live in the bowels of hell and constantly talks about how she can't wait to move to one of the western states to go to college as soon as she gets out of high school. She is of the opinion that once she goes to Utah, Colorado, or Arizona, her life will be perfect and she will have endless fun hiking, mountain biking, etc. and enjoying everything that they have there that she thinks that she can't have here. I realize that part of this is just the fact that she is a 15yo hormonal teenage girl, but it is really getting annoying, to say the least.
So, I thought that if anyone on this forum could share with me a story of how they moved to the place where they thought that their life would be so much better and everything would be perfect but then discovered that the grass was really not greener at all, it might help me to help her see that there is no perfect place and that all places have bad points as well as good points. It's not that we have a problem with the western states, it's that we really aren't okay with our 18yo daughter striking out on her own in this crazy and often dangerous world and ending up 1,800 miles away where she knows no one and has no support system. We live near some very excellent universities (U of M is 20 min. from us) and she is a 4.0 student, so it's not like she wouldn't have an opportunity to attend a good school here.
Thanks.
Last edited by canudigit; 04-03-2010 at 06:12 AM..
i dont regret i just accept that utopia is guna have a few bedbugs.
when the jews found the land of milk and honey there were 9 ft giants they had to deal with.
We live in SE Michigan in a nice, newer house in a safe, small town. Hubby has a good, secure job and I do very well working 1-2 nights/week as an RN. We are very happy here with no plans to move, but we have a 15yo daughter who acts like we live in the bowels of hell and constantly talks about how she can't wait to move to one of the western states to go to college as soon as she gets out of high school. She is of the opinion that once she goes to Utah, Colorado, or Arizona, her life will be perfect and she will have endless fun hiking, mountain biking, etc. and enjoying everything that they have there that she thinks that she can't have here. I realize that part of this is just the fact that she is a 15yo hormonal teenage girl, but it is really getting annoying, to say the least.
So, I thought that if anyone on this forum could share with me a story of how they moved to the place where they thought that their life would be so much better and everything would be perfect but then discovered that the grass was really not greener at all, it might help me to help her see that there is no perfect place and that all places have bad points as well as good points. It's not that we have a problem with the western states, it's that we really aren't okay with our 18yo daughter striking out on her own in this crazy and often dangerous world and ending up 1,800 miles away where she knows no one and has no support system. We live near some very excellent universities (U of M is 20 min. from us) and she is a 4.0 student, so it's not like she wouldn't have an opportunity to attend a good school here.
Thanks.
If she wants to branch off on her own, perhaps the military is an option for her. I'm not quite sure what has changed in the past 20 years. When I turned 18, it was pretty common for kids to move out and start a new life away from home, even if it meant out of state, etc. I understand your concerns and you sound like a great parent; unfortunately you cannot always shelter your kids to keep them safe. The world will only get crazier and if they do not get used to it now, it will perhaps only get harder later on.
We are very happy here with no plans to move, but we have a 15yo daughter who acts like we live in the bowels of hell and constantly talks about how she can't wait to move to one of the western states to go to college as soon as she gets out of high school. She is of the opinion that once she goes to Utah, Colorado, or Arizona, her life will be perfect and she will have endless fun hiking, mountain biking, etc. and enjoying everything that they have there that she thinks that she can't have here.
In other words, your daughter is like every teenager who lives west of I-81, north of I-40, east of I-35, and not in the Chicago MSA.
I see this is an older thread but I would suggest taking her on an extended vacation to one of those places to see what it would really be like to "live" there. Every place does have its downside though, even Los Angeles which seems perfect in many ways has cost of living that is sky high and securing employment out there is difficult if not impossible for someone out of state like me. One thing that I would suggest is showing her how much school out of state would cost compared to in state (it is a shocker) Michigan in state is around $12,000 a year for tuition which is possible with scholarships and grants that she would be getting. Time to compare to some out of state schools: University of Colorado is $30,000 a year for tuition alone along with room and board, and little to no state grant ( I got $75 a year while going to school out of state just to give an example) Another school out west is University of Arizona, a little cheaper at $25,000 a year for tuition along with room and board, but depending on the scholarships she gets taking on that kind of debt for school is extremely stressful, especially in an economy like this. I would personally suggest go to school locally, then use the money that she saves to take several trips out west, best of both worlds. Hope my input helps
I've lived in the rust-belt my whole life, and one common thread I have noticed is that young people, if they don't live in Chicago, want to move either there or south, far west, or to the east coast. I've always loved midwestern and rust-belt cities, so I've always felt like an outcast among people "dreaming of living in CA," etc. It's really just because young people are sold by the media that New York, CA, Chicago, DC, etc. are the places to be, and they haven't learned to think for themselves yet. Just my opinion, of course.
I do have one suggestion, though. Try to educate your daughter about cool cities, or places with great nature amenities (she seems to like hiking) that are closer to home than Utah or Idaho. Sometimes the place we want to be is right under our noses, and you don't have to move far away to find it. I would encourage your daughter to strike out on her own, but somewhere not so far away. That sounds like it would be more of a compromise for her than telling her to go to U of M. If she wants mountain scenery, tell her to check out WVU in Morgantown. It's a great town and she'd only be about 6 hours from home. Or how about Northern Michigan University?
Last edited by PreservationPioneer; 12-30-2011 at 11:46 PM..
Location: northern Vermont - previously NM, WA, & MA
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I wouldn’t count on her wander lust phasing out if it’s that strong. I say that because I can relate when I was a teenager back in the 90’s it was right around age 15 I took an interest in moving out west and started reading up on it. The more I learned, the more fascinated I was with it. After high school graduation I took a 2 week trip out to California which only fueled my desire. In the next few years following I explored Colorado and Seattle/Portland. I thought I wanted to live in all of them until I decided on Seattle but didn’t move there until age 22 when I had more of a foundation to build on with some stability.
In my late adolescence I thought growing up in New England was akin to being in the seventh layer of hell. As I grew up, and when I moved out west and discovered it wasn’t perfect nor utopia I started having more gratitude for my upbringing. After five years out there I came back east and I’m so glad I did as I feel I got a better grip on reality here again and mended some old scars. But seriously my love for the West and all its beauty and my fascination for the natural superlatives out there never died and always remained on the back burner. My soul feels at home in the West (perhaps I lived there in a past life). So I’m moving back out West again, this time to the Southwest, but with a better appreciation for my past and upbringing and this time not running away but rather just starting a new chapter.
Anyway that’s my story and I basically tell my story to make a point that it may be futile to try and quell her wanderlust. Perhaps there is a happy medium. I certainly understand the concern for her safety and 18 probably isn’t the best age to just up and leave (though many do for college, or even the wrong, or right reasons). There are certainly worse things for a teenager than to have a piqued interest in healthy activities like hiking, and who could blame her for wanting to explore the Rockies and be amongst the best if that's where her heart lies. She sounds like a good kid if she's into healthy activities like hiking, as opposed to chasing a superficial dream and running away to Hollywood or chasing hippy dreams in San Francisco. I’d encourage her to travel a bit more out there before taking the plunge, that’s what I did. Perhaps she can start college in Michigan and transfer to a school out there if it’s feasible.
Last edited by Champ le monstre du lac; 12-31-2011 at 12:32 AM..
In other words, your daughter is like every teenager who lives west of I-81, north of I-40, east of I-35, and not in the Chicago MSA.
You can add some that are east of I-81 too.
Also, good point alleghenyangel. There might be alternative options that are closer that she might appreciate or be interested in. Perhaps a place like Saratoga Springs, which has Skidmore College and is close to the Adirondacks. Skidmore is private though, but it might also allow for more aid as well. You have SUNY's like Plattsburgh state or Potsdam State that are also close to the Adirondacks and in the case of Plattsburgh, you are right on Lake Champlain. Burlington VT is across the lake and Montreal is an hour north. Lake Placid is close by as well.
You also have other options like James Madison University in Harrisonburg VA, Virginia Tech in Blacksburg VA, University of Tennessee in Knoxville, Clemson University in Clemson SC(near the Blue Ridge Mtns), Tennessee-Chattanooga, East Tennessee State in Johnson City and UNC-Asheville in Asheville NC, among others.
Last edited by ckhthankgod; 12-31-2011 at 06:38 AM..
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