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This is my first time posting in an online forum (sad, right? lol) and also my first time ever having to consider leaving the NJ/PA area in my life. I am truly hoping that someone takes the time to read this and maybe offer me some advice that perhaps as an outsider will be less biased than that of those closest to me. That being said, here goes:
I am born and raised in the NJ/PA area and have never had to leave this vicinity in my life. I am 28 years old and 100% Italian.....which means I live, and always have lived with my gigantic NJ Italian family literally right next door to me. I live (happily and closely) with my mother and father, my uncle and grandma both live next door. My entire extended family is either a 5 minute drive or at the most 1 hour away. I can't stress enough that I am incredibly close with my family.
I have a job that I can't stand but opportunities are limited around here. Employment is both scarce and competitive out here. I absolutely can't stand my job. It is a mind-numbing "Office Space" type of nightmare filled to the horrific brim with mundane and downright simian level activities. Actually, at this very second I should probably be doing something work related but....I'd rather talk to you guys. HA. But it's a job and I do it to support myself and to help support my aging parents. Such is life.
I have a boyfriend of 3+ years who I love more than anything. I honestly could see myself spending the rest of my life with him and he has expressed the desire to marry me when our finances are in order. He and I have been friends for almost 10 years and dating seriously for a little over 3. He is my rock, he is my best friend and he is everything I've ever wanted. I have been blessed to find that elusive "one" that I would do absolutely anything for. Not to get all mushy on you, but it needs to be said for the following reason:
My boyfriend recently went through some pretty traumatic experiences IE: kicked out of his apartment due to disagreements with roommates, his mother (who he's not overly fond of and was quite negligent and abusive in his upbringing) was in a natural coma for over a week and just recently woke up (now with brain damage) which regardless of his personal relationship with her took an incredible toll on him, his father recently asked him to leave his house because they just don't get along, he's got nowhere to go. Long story short, he has nothing to keep him in this area except for me. He has the opportunity to move to Georgia and live rent free with a few friends that he has out there while he works and saves money to move into a place of his/our own with a job that he already has set up for his arrival. He cannot stay here nor do I think he should because he is miserable and genuinely wants (and deserves) a chance at a better life that life out here will not afford him. Due to the aspect that he currently has nowhere to live, he is looking to leave within the next 2 weeks to begin his life anew in Georgia.
He has asked, begged and pleaded with me to come with him. He does not at all want to end our relationship and neither do I. His plan is for us both to work as hard as we can to save money living in separate states and sustaining a long distance relationship until he can sustain a home for us and then bring me down to live with him when he has a place for us to start our lives.
I have not given an answer and in fairness it is not selfish of him to want to know within the time that he is still here (albeit incredibly short) to have an answer from me as to what we plan on doing for the rest of our lives. I have been crying for 3 days straight, and even as I type this am unable to stop crying at work. I am losing sleep at the thought of losing him and even at the thought of him being away for an absolutely unknown period of time and having to try a long term relationship. The thought of even a day without my soul mate crushes me let alone having that constant heart wrenching fear that something may go wrong, even if it is for a greater good of being together long term in the long run.
This all being said, the only thing that tethers me to my home here is my incredible love for my family. I have nothing else keeping me here. I am terrified at the thought of being far away from them and in the event that something were to happen (with aging parents and grandparents in bad health) that I would not be able to get to them and God forbid the worst should happen I would never be able to live with myself knowing I wasn't there for them.
My mother has encouraged me to go, aware that I am miserable with everything in this area EXCEPT for my family and boyfriend. But I cannot help but worry.
I hate heat for one.....I can't stand bugs, my allergies are atrocious, I hate the outdoors in general lol. I am a city girl through and through and have never imagined that I would end up in Georgia for any reason. But love is a powerful...and life changing thing. From everything I've researched online, GA doesn't sound particularly like a place I would ever enjoy. I fear not being accepted in a slower paced southern environment. I fear settling in a place that I may hate without even so much as visiting it once. I fear......failure. I don't know what to do and my heart is absolutely broken. He cannot stay and I must stress that I love him so much that I want what is best for him....even if it's not the best for me. I cannot and will not ask him to stay in a place where he feels like he "doesn't belong" but I don't want to end up where I don't belong either...even if it's the man I belong with. But GA is the only place he feels he can go and a place he's always wanted to visit/live in. I just want him to be happy and I do not want to wake up with regrets which I fear I will do no matter what decision I make.
So I am humbly asking the readers of this forum to please help me. Please give me some outside advice to help me in this incredibly difficult and frightening time for me. I appreciate your time and input. Thank you.
Hi there! First let me start by saying. Some of the best advice you get is from people that don't know you or your situation.
I can sympathize with what your going through.
I'll explain .... 5 years ago I moved from California to Virginia, in a similar situation such as yours. My fiance got a job offer Virginia and begged and pleaded with me to move, I such as yourself struggled with the decision to up and leave my family or leave everything I know and take a chance on love.
Well my dear, here's how it all happened..... I moved for the greater if my heart. We were in complete bliss... For a month. I couldn't find work, our finances struggled with only one income, we fought constantly because we were all alone with outside friends or family to talk to or man on. He became verbally abusive, drank constantly and unfortunately for addicted to drugs. I had every intention on leaving immediately but not only did we lose our home, he lost his job, our vehicle and basically all hope.
I had no money to fly back to my ailing mother whom might I add passed from a debilitating disease which I couldn't afford to even go see her in her final days. The man I knew and loved was a completely different person. I was lost depressed and confused. I finally made it back home with the help from lonely father and moved back in to care for him. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. My once soul mate turned monster had fathered a child I didn't want to have. ....
Long story short jersey girl, tread lightly. Your family should be your everything. If its meant to be allow it to come at no cost to your happiness. Again this us just one story of many... But I regret EVERY minute of the choice to choose love quickly over myself. Good luck to you doll. If there's any more help I can offer please message me back.
Thank you, gigimommy. I appreciate your response and you offering me your own personal experience to help in mine. I am so sorry that things worked out so terribly for you and I hope that since then you have found some peace. My family is and always will be my everything...it just sucks when the person you love becomes family as well because differentiating becomes a blurry chore. I have much to think about and hope that other responders are as open in their responses as you have been. Thank you again.
Important question for the OP (the Original Poster, jerseygirl1012): Where in Georgia (or which part of Georgia) is your boyfriend moving to?
Georgia is a relatively large state geographically (Georgia is the largest state in land area east of the Mississippi River) that has some degree of cultural, social, political, geographical and topographical diversity....Though the state most often tends to be dominated by the geographically very large, fast-growing and fast-paced greater Atlanta metro region were almost 65% of Georgia's population lives.
Will your boyfriend be living in or near the Atlanta metro region? Will your boyfriend be living in very hilly-to-mountainous North Georgia? Will your boyfriend be living in Middle Georgia? Will be boyfriend be living on the Georgia Coast? Will your boyfriend be living in the lower and flatter lands of South Georgia below the "Gnat Line" (or the "Fall Line"...the point that separates the Piedmont Plateau from the Gulf and Atlantic coastal plains where rivers become navigable)?
If your boyfriend will be living in, near or around the heavily-populated, heavily-developed, extremely-diverse and expansive Atlanta metro area, you likely may not necessarily experience as much of a culture shock as you likely might if he were to be living in another location outside of the Atlanta metro area....There will likely be somewhat of a culture shock but not as much in Metro Atlanta as you would likely experience in a much-smaller metro area and/or rural environment.
Though, in your particular situation, what might potentially be best for you is for you to let him live in Georgia for a period of time while you stay in constant communication with him and occasionally visit him before you make a decision on moving to Georgia permanently (or semi-permanently)....This way you can let him see how he likes living in Georgia while you if your relationship is strong enough to last over a very long distance for an extended period of time.
Hi Born2Roll - thanks so much for taking the time respond with my dilemma. As far as I know the town/city his friends are in is "about 20 miles outside of Atlanta." (I love him, but he has the memory of a sand flea sometimes lol) So I'm waiting for him to get out of work to sit down and figure out exactly what this place is called because I myself am itching to Google it to at least get a visual of where he's going. Would you say that an area within that radius may be comfortable? Or at least have the possibility of being less of a culture shock? as you so eloquently put it. It's nice to hear that I stand a chance at not being completely blown away by something that is so alien to me.
Your advice on visiting prior to making a decision to move is one of the forerunning absolute MUSTS in my head right if I am considering going. I must must must must MUST visit before I decide. It would be unfair to myself to move somewhere blindly like that. That would just be even more nerve wracking for me. But I must allow myself to go down with an open mind, lest I hate it for no reason other than me being my own worst enemy.
Hi Born2Roll - thanks so much for taking the time respond with my dilemma. As far as I know the town/city his friends are in is "about 20 miles outside of Atlanta." (I love him, but he has the memory of a sand flea sometimes lol) So I'm waiting for him to get out of work to sit down and figure out exactly what this place is called because I myself am itching to Google it to at least get a visual of where he's going. Would you say that an area within that radius may be comfortable? Or at least have the possibility of being less of a culture shock? as you so eloquently put it. It's nice to hear that I stand a chance at not being completely blown away by something that is so alien to me.
Your advice on visiting prior to making a decision to move is one of the forerunning absolute MUSTS in my head right if I am considering going. I must must must must MUST visit before I decide. It would be unfair to myself to move somewhere blindly like that. That would just be even more nerve wracking for me. But I must allow myself to go down with an open mind, lest I hate it for no reason other than me being my own worst enemy.
LOL! "About 20 miles outside of Atlanta" most likely places him comfortably within the confines of the expansive Atlanta metro area/region which extends as far away as about 40-50 miles from Downtown Atlanta in some places (particularly on the heavily-developed north side of the Atlanta region).
Would you happen to know which county he will be living in? That is kind of important because there are some distinct differences in the cultures of the various counties (and radial corridors) that make up the Atlanta metro region.
Fulton, DeKalb and Clayton counties are the most urban counties in the Atlanta metro area/region.
Cobb and Gwinnett are two very heavily-populated counties that are in the middle of a massive transition from being sparsely-populated predominantly-white outer-suburban/exurban counties of 30-40 years ago to being much more intensely-diverse heavily-populated inner-core urban counties of the 21st Century Metro Atlanta.
(...Gwinnett County is already reported to be one of the most-diverse counties in the entire nation with a population that has gone from being over 90% white 25+ years ago to being only about 40% white today and is projected to be less than 30% white within the next 10-15 years with exploding minority populations (Hispanic, Asian and Black).)
Out beyond those five aforementioned urban core counties (Fulton, DeKalb, Clayton, Cobb and Gwinnett) is a ring of about 10-15 outer-suburban counties that could likely be defined as typical suburbia.
One key thing that should probably be noted about the Atlanta area is that there are A LOT of native Northeasterners living in the Atlanta area who were born and raised in Mid-Atlantic/Northeastern states (particularly NJ, PA, MD and ESPECIALLY New York) and relocated to the Atlanta area as adults for various reasons (jobs, lower cost-of-living, milder winters, etc).
The Atlanta area has an extremely (if not exceptionally) transient population where most of the people living in the Atlanta metro area were born and raised in another state (Northeastern states, Great Lakes/Midwestern states, other parts of the South, California) and/or another country (Latin America, Asia, Africa, Europe).
Metro Atlanta is NOT the traditional South that many people from states who are unfamiliar with the area may picture in their minds.
Though the farther that one gets away from Atlanta, the more that one is more likely to get into the small-town/rural-dominated more traditional South that some may picture.
The thing that you might have some trouble with being a born-and-raised Northeasterner is that the Atlanta area is home to an extreme car-culture (not as extreme as Texas and/or California) where public transportation is extremely (if not exceptionally) inadequate for a very large metro area of Atlanta's size and population.
The Atlanta area has too many people driving too many cars in an area with not enough roads and not enough public transportation.....A situation that forces almost all Atlanta-area residents to have to drive everywhere they have to go (work, errands, school, social outings, special events, shopping, etc) through very heavy traffic and even gridlock throughout much of the day (sometimes even on weekends).
You will not find the type of very-extensive public transportation infrastructure that you will find in an area like New Jersey/Pennsylvania at this time.
Public transportation is extremely inadequate here in Georgia and it will likely be many years before it improves and becomes much more prevalent in availability.
Other than that, winters are generally extremely mild compared to the winters of the Northeast, but the summers likely may not necessarily be much more hotter and humid than they are in the South Jersey/Philly area.
High School and College football is the dominant thing here during the late-summer and fall months (August-November/December).
Farther-out from Atlanta, the church is a dominant thing in many (but not all) quarters, though the cultural and social environment is much more secular within the 5-10 county urban/suburban zone that surrounds Atlanta.
The politics of the Atlanta area and Georgia are generally much more conservative and conservative/right libertarian then they are in the urban Northeast (...the gun culture is dominant in Georgia, but not necessarily as dominant as in Texas)....Though, due to ongoing massive demographic changes in Metro Atlanta that are pushing Georgia's population from 'majority-white' to 'majority-minority', Georgia appears to be at the beginning of a massive long-term political transition from being a more conservative state to being a more politically-moderate/politically-centrist state.
I will just say this...be wary of people who keep "getting kicked out of" their living situations and don't get along with their parents. to the point where their parents kick them out.
I certainly wouldn't drop everything to move, especially with no job of my own lined up. (One that I could afford my own apartment on )
Born to roll, I found out that the town he'll be in is Tyrone, GA. Any words of wisdom on this particular place? I plan on googling like crazy but your information has been incredibly helpful. Anything is appreciated!!
Tryska, thanks for the input. I've never understood the concept of not getting along with your parents because I've been blessed with a very close knit family but in his case I can truly say he's better off without them. As for the employment issue, I absolutely agree and refuse to do anything until I know I can continue to have my own financial independence. Even though he's offering to support me if I go until I find a job, I would definitely not allow that until I was positive I could support myself if needed. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that jobs are incredibly hard to come by and it's always best to have the means to rely on yourself for the unpredictable.
Born to roll, I found out that the town he'll be in is Tyrone, GA. Any words of wisdom on this particular place? I plan on googling like crazy but your information has been incredibly helpful. Anything is appreciated!!
Tyrone is a small, but fast-growing outer-suburban community of detached single-family homes in affluent outer-suburban Fayette County in Atlanta's southern outer-suburbs.
There is very little crime in Tyrone and a fast-growing minority population (particularly a fast-growing affluent black population...whites make up 65% of the town's population as of 2013...but whites only make up about 27% of the enrollment of the very high-quality football-mad local high school (Sandy Creek High School) as of the 2013-14 school year).
In general, the population of Fayette County is made up predominantly of affluent whites but the affluent and middle-class black (and minority) population is on the rise in the county, particularly across the northern third of the county.
Traffic (while still very heavy) is generally not as heavy between a South/Southwestside suburban area like Tyrone and Central Atlanta as it is between Central Atlanta and Atlanta's much more heavily-developed and heavily-populated Northern suburbs where unfortunately gridlock occurs much more frequently.
Fayette County is home to Pinewood Studios, a large United Kingdom-based major film/TV production studio that is known for producing the James Bond films. There is also a major film school that will be opening up on the grounds of Pinewood Studios (...Film and TV production is a really large and fast-growing industry in the Atlanta metro area to the point where the Atlanta/Georgia film/TV scene has started to rival the legendary Southern California film/TV scene in recent years).
Fayette County also enjoys the very unique luxury of being only minutes away from the world's busiest airport (in terms of passenger traffic) at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport (...since about 1998, more airline passengers have passed through Hartsfield-Jackson than have passed through any other single airport on the entire planet).
There is some good 'bricks-and-mortar' shopping nearby in close-by Southside suburban areas like Peachtree City, Newnan, McDonough and Locust Grove....Though for the best 'bricks-and-mortar' shopping in the area you will have to drive north into Atlanta on I-85.
Also, being that Tyrone and Fayette County are a heavily-residential outer-suburban area, there really is not much nightlife, except for maybe the occasional local sports bar and grill, which means that you will also have to drive north into Atlanta if you want a better nightlife and/or social scene.
Overall, Tyrone is just generally a nice, quiet generally affluent outer-suburban community.
You need to stay where you are until he gets a job, savings, his own place, a vehicle and everything is settled.
You already have a job, you have a good support system, you do not need to be moving with him to stay with his friends.
I seriously doubt his "free home" will be free for very long. It may work out great but it may crash and burn within a couple months.
Do not give up your current job, stability and life for a man.
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It's nice to hear that I stand a chance at not being completely blown away by something that is so alien to me. 
