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Old 09-29-2010, 10:34 AM
 
251 posts, read 253,172 times
Reputation: 104

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
You too. Have a wonderful day. Go have a coffee with your MIL. No make that a chamomile tea no caffeine LOL
I am going to respond to you how I really want to respond to you, without sarcasm.

I am hurt. I moved my butt all the way from america for the comfort of my wife, and because her family missed her. I moved far far away and left ALL of my family behind. When I discovered that her mother was a really rude, controlling person, I was hurt, and it was annoying because when we lived with her, she acted like a dictator, excluding me from family meetings, slamming the door in my face, etc.

the anger I express here, when I said I would poison my son against her, is just venting, and the way I release anger. I would NEVER poison my son against her. i cant stand her, but she loves him and he is her "blood." i come here to vent and some of what I say needs to be understood in the context that I am really venting. The title of this post and content is "i would LOVE to say this to my MIL." But I DONT because even though she is a creep, I still respect her (though I did lose control a few months ago).

The entire family has trod on me at various times, and it hurt me. When her mother slammed the door in my face when I was trying to talk to my wife, I lost it and got angrier than I have ever been. I apologized to her, bought her flowers, etc, but she still is rude.

that's my story. And yes ppl have given advice that I have rebuffed, but I know this woman better than any of you. I have tried to mend fences with her, but the only way to get along with her is to allow her to do what she wants and I cannot do that.

That's my story.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Illinois
8,524 posts, read 3,965,388 times
Reputation: 14762
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
My son has a grandma, my mother. Unless my wife's mom starts acting right, I may just poison him against her. Plus, in five years we may move back to america...problem solved. She wont get to see him that much. I also hate that she gets drunk every night and talks bad about people over the dinner table, doesnt believe in God and mocks those who do. I just dont like this woman.
Grow up. You are using your son as a pawn. YOU have to be the bigger person and set the rules, and if she doesn't want to abide by them, THEN, she would not be allowed visitation.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:44 AM
 
251 posts, read 253,172 times
Reputation: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by nan5623 View Post
Grow up. You are using your son as a pawn. YOU have to be the bigger person and set the rules, and if she doesn't want to abide by them, THEN, she would not be allowed visitation. Are you still living with her?
See my post just above your post. It answers the "poison" question
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 1,264,010 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
I am going to respond to you how I really want to respond to you, without sarcasm.

I am hurt. I moved my butt all the way from america for the comfort of my wife, and because her family missed her. I moved far far away and left ALL of my family behind. When I discovered that her mother was a really rude, controlling person, I was hurt, and it was annoying because when we lived with her, she acted like a dictator, excluding me from family meetings, slamming the door in my face, etc.

the anger I express here, when I said I would poison my son against her, is just venting, and the way I release anger. I would NEVER poison my son against her. i cant stand her, but she loves him and he is her "blood." i come here to vent and some of what I say needs to be understood in the context that I am really venting. The title of this post and content is "i would LOVE to say this to my MIL." But I DONT because even though she is a creep, I still respect her (though I did lose control a few months ago).

The entire family has trod on me at various times, and it hurt me. When her mother slammed the door in my face when I was trying to talk to my wife, I lost it and got angrier than I have ever been. I apologized to her, bought her flowers, etc, but she still is rude.

that's my story. And yes ppl have given advice that I have rebuffed, but I know this woman better than any of you. I have tried to mend fences with her, but the only way to get along with her is to allow her to do what she wants and I cannot do that.

That's my story.

Thank-you for responding without any sarcasm. That's what I was hoping you would do. I really was just trying to help you. Believe me I understand about horrible MIL's. I have a horrible MIL. She upsets me everytime I see her but I let my husband deal with her. I have learned that the best way to deal with her is to ignore her comments. Its a behaviour modification technique that I have been using on her. If she sees her comments can't get a rise out of me then there is no pay off for her and eventually she will stop.
I am trying to get you to understand that she really does seem to love your son.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:55 AM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 8,700,069 times
Reputation: 3336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
See my post just above your post. It answers the "poison" question

Really would the earth stop revolving if you just said no?
Not going over there.
They are not coming over here.
Simple
Take your power back.

Your number one job is the care and safety of your family. If you are not doing this then you are not doing the job of the head of the home. Stand up. Stop complaining and do something about it.

Did you have a good relationship with your father? I ask this because you are very female in your problem solving.
(again with the unrep points my way)
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:01 AM
 
251 posts, read 253,172 times
Reputation: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Thank-you for responding without any sarcasm. That's what I was hoping you would do. I really was just trying to help you. Believe me I understand about horrible MIL's. I have a horrible MIL. She upsets me everytime I see her but I let my husband deal with her. I have learned that the best way to deal with her is to ignore her comments. Its a behaviour modification technique that I have been using on her. If she sees her comments can't get a rise out of me then there is no pay off for her and eventually she will stop.
I am trying to get you to understand that she really does seem to love your son.
thanks. I cant tell you how much it pleases me that we are now really communicating, and I mean that without any sarcasm. I know I can be frustrating, and its usually when I am feeling emotionally charged. The thing that bothers me is, for the sake of my son I try to make peace with this woman. Also, I dont even know if she REALIZES how annoying she is, that taking a baby off of me and my wife might upset us. I know she loves him, but it borders on obsessive. When I was living with them, when I had to go to work TWO DAYS after my son was born, because I had just gotten a new job in a new country, and was not entitled to paternity leave, when she saw me come in from a hard day's work, she ran into the garden with my baby to prevent me from holding him, so she could hold him longer. Those kinds of things HURT me and when I hurt I say very mean things.

I do appreciate your help, and I feel your good intentions. its calmed me right down!
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:03 AM
 
251 posts, read 253,172 times
Reputation: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
Really would the earth stop revolving if you just said no?
Not going over there.
They are not coming over here.
Simple
Take your power back.

Your number one job is the care and safety of your family. If you are not doing this then you are not doing the job of the head of the home. Stand up. Stop complaining and do something about it.

Did you have a good relationship with your father? I ask this because you are very female in your problem solving.
(again with the unrep points my way)
"female in my problem solving?" please explain as your comments have the ring of truth.
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 1,264,010 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
thanks. I cant tell you how much it pleases me that we are now really communicating, and I mean that without any sarcasm. I know I can be frustrating, and its usually when I am feeling emotionally charged. The thing that bothers me is, for the sake of my son I try to make peace with this woman. Also, I dont even know if she REALIZES how annoying she is, that taking a baby off of me and my wife might upset us. I know she loves him, but it borders on obsessive. When I was living with them, when I had to go to work TWO DAYS after my son was born, because I had just gotten a new job in a new country, and was not entitled to paternity leave, when she saw me come in from a hard day's work, she ran into the garden with my baby to prevent me from holding him, so she could hold him longer. Those kinds of things HURT me and when I hurt I say very mean things.

I do appreciate your help, and I feel your good intentions. its calmed me right down!
I am glad I was able to calm you down LOL. Anyways I am saying that I understand you. I have been married for 9 yrs but have known my MIL for 14 yrs. She is not going to change. She is set in her ways. The best I can do is to not let her comments affect me. Its hard to do but I'm trying. My MIL doesn't even miss my 3 kids when she doesn't see them for a few days. My mother on the other hand can't go two days without seeing them.
The best thing you can do is tell her "My son has not been sleeping well so I'd rather you not pick him up when he is sleeping." Simple as that
Hand him over to her right away when he is fussing or needs a diaper change
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:20 AM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 8,700,069 times
Reputation: 3336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
"female in my problem solving?" please explain as your comments have the ring of truth.
Lots of talking and no action.
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 1,264,010 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
Lots of talking and no action.

Better than male problem solving which basically entails letting the woman solve the problems for you.
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