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Old 09-28-2010, 07:42 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 19,095,064 times
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I hear about stuff like this all the time. Your are in-laws have no respect for you and I can imagine this was well in place before your child was born. Now it is only magnified as they take over your child. This will not end until you speak up and yes sometimes you have to cut the in-laws off. My husband had to cut his father off a few times because my FIL did not respect our wishes when it came to how we handle our son. Like the one time he wanted to take our 5 month old for a car ride with no car seat or how he wanted to hold our son in his lap with a cigg hanging out of the corner of his mouth. OP-start standing up for yourself. It wont be pretty but this is your life and your child.
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Old 09-28-2010, 07:53 AM
 
1,424 posts, read 5,325,202 times
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Jlow, your feelings are hurt and you feel damaged, right? I would be irritated if I felt someone had violated my rights, too.

But why not acknowledge that it felt bad and you disagree with what happened and let it go? Just move forward now and stop ruminating about the MIL. You are working yourself up into an increasingly angry state by dwelling on this. For your own sake, divert your thoughts elsewhere.

If she tries to take the baby, say "no, I have him just now." When you and your wife establish boundaries (e.g., no visits on week nights, stop going to their place so frequently, etc.) things can start to change. But poisoning your child against the grandmother hurts everyone and isn't healthy.
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Old 09-28-2010, 07:53 AM
 
251 posts, read 416,404 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Why do you keep giving her those inches, then? I think the person you're really angry at is yourself, for continuing to allow yourself to "acquiesce" and probably even for moving there in the first place. Now you're whipping yourself into a spiteful froth and gleefully awaiting some big showdown this weekend. Have you thought about what will happen after that, with your wife (is she on board? it doesn't sound like it), with your relatives (do you think that teaching your mother-in-law a "hard lesson" is going to make her respect you?), and living in a country where you don't know anyone but them?
My wife's words to me were "I know my mother is crazy, we all know it." Yes she's onboard. Her mom has done the same thing to her too, snatching the baby away.
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Old 09-28-2010, 07:54 AM
 
251 posts, read 416,404 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by didee View Post
Jlow, your feelings are hurt and you feel damaged, right? I would be irritated if I felt someone had violated my rights, too.

But why not acknowledge that it felt bad and you disagree with what happened and let it go? Just move forward now and stop ruminating about the MIL. You are working yourself up into an increasingly angry state by dwelling on this. For your own sake, divert your thoughts elsewhere.

If she tries to take the baby, say "no, I have him just now." When you and your wife establish boundaries (e.g., no visits on week nights, stop going to their place so frequently, etc.) things can start to change. But poisoning your child against the grandmother hurts everyone and isn't healthy.
Thanks for your thoughtful words. I am just venting. But I am also angry
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:04 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,510,800 times
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Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
My wife's words to me were "I know my mother is crazy, we all know it." Yes she's onboard. Her mom has done the same thing to her too, snatching the baby away.
You need to change the locks on your doors and make the MIL start knocking and calling ahead.
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:06 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,487,980 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
Man how I would love to say this to my mother in law. If there are grandparents in this forum, you need to know that you DONT own your grandchildren. They are not your property and the wishes of your children come first. If they dont want you to see the grandchild, you have to deal with it. If they set boundaries, you have to observe them. You are on the periphery, you are not the child's parent. If the parents choose, you can have absolutely NO SAY in the upbringing of the child.

Be mindful of this.
What is up w/ your posts? There is a debate forum to garnish attention.
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:14 AM
 
251 posts, read 416,404 times
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Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
What is up w/ your posts? There is a debate forum to garnish attention.
zzzzzzzzzzz
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Old 09-28-2010, 08:27 AM
 
556 posts, read 796,470 times
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I understand how you feel, my MIL tried to take over my oldest when he was born. She even hurried up and gave him a bottle one night when I was taking too long getting down the hall (I had a csection and wasn't moving as well as I normally would). Anytime she was around she was saying and doing things against what I as the mother wanted. Once she tried to stuff a bottle nipple with cotton and give it to the baby as a binky (after I told her not to because he was colic and even the tiny bit of air he would get in his tummy from it would cause him pain for hours). She once fed my younger (when he was 5 months old) 5 jars of baby food in a row because "he was licking his lips and enjoying it" instead of the cereal and baby food mixture I had made, labeled, and put in the fridge. The baby had the dia-ra-ras so bad for days that his little but was actually bleeding!

My advice would be to calmly but sternly just tell her what she is doing that is bothering you. Tell her your expectations and then stick to it. If she tries to snatch the baby, tell her no. If she gets mad/unreasonable just leave or ask her to leave your house and come back when she can is ready to do things in a more civil way.
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Old 09-28-2010, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,421,908 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlowkey View Post
Man how I would love to say this to my mother in law. If there are grandparents in this forum, you need to know that you DONT own your grandchildren. They are not your property and the wishes of your children come first. If they dont want you to see the grandchild, you have to deal with it. If they set boundaries, you have to observe them. You are on the periphery, you are not the child's parent. If the parents choose, you can have absolutely NO SAY in the upbringing of the child.

Be mindful of this.
Just wondering...does ANYONE in your daily life live up to your standards??

And secondly, how many threads complaining about all the people in your family who don't do you plan to start exactly?

I feel really sorry for your newborn - it's only a matter of time before he disappoints you and suffers your wrath too
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Old 09-28-2010, 09:32 AM
 
251 posts, read 416,404 times
Reputation: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Just wondering...does ANYONE in your daily life live up to your standards??

And secondly, how many threads complaining about all the people in your family who don't do you plan to start exactly?

I feel really sorry for your newborn - it's only a matter of time before he disappoints you and suffers your wrath too

thats your opinion, and you're entitled to it. Plenty of ppl in this post have sadi they understand how I feel and that's good enough for me!
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