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Old 11-30-2010, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Edmond, OK
4,037 posts, read 8,838,411 times
Reputation: 4153

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I've watched it in my own family for the last 20 years. My parents have basically raised both of my sisters kids, especially when they were young. She and her husband just couldn't be bothered. They were always too busy with their business, gambling, partying etc. My parents did almost everything for them, especially with her oldest. They helped with the homework, science projects, the back to school shopping, doctors appointments, everything. For many years, until the kids were old enough to stay home alone, they spent every weekend, from the time school got out on Friday, until late Sunday night, as well as several nights a week at my parents home, so my sister and her husband were free to enjoy themselves. If they ever came to visit us, we live in another state, they had to bring my nephews because it was too much for my sister to actually care for own children for a couple of days. They still drive carpool for her youngest. My mom still does their laundry. My parents are in their late 70's and retired, but they still can't do anything because they have to take care of my nephew.
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Old 12-01-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
196 posts, read 151,173 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
I have a cousin that has had about 5 children with various women. He is 32 and has never lived with any of them...only "Dated" them. His parents are raising 4 currently.. probably have #5 soon. It is a shame. He don't support any of them, his parents do. Now his 2 brothers do great. Have stable families, good wives and well behaved children.

In my Girl Scout Troop there are more grandparents raising girls than parents. Or Aunties, older sisters, someone besides mom and dad.
I have one family with 7 grandchildren under the age of 10. The mom's parents are raising all the kids she has had. She is a drug user in our local largest town and they are all by different men. Several of them were born addicted to one thing or another and are damaged by it. What do you do with that? They feel obligated to take them in or they would go to DHS. Of course, no one can make her stop having children either...so they are stuck.
A slacker guy with custody from all 5 kids from multiple wives? I cannot even imagine the kind of women he dates.
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Old 12-01-2010, 05:45 PM
 
144 posts, read 244,044 times
Reputation: 162
I see this, but not a whole lot.

Some reasons I think:

- More single moms out there that cannot do it on there own and need help of grandparents

- Some parents dont want to cramp their lifestyle so they dump kids on grandparents and continue to have the lifestyle they had before kids.

- Even for some 2 parent families, now a days both parents have to work to make a decent life so they have to depend on the grandparents for free or cheap childcare.


Personally I dont think it's right to lean on grandparents a lot for taking care of your kids. Grandparents spent almost 1/3 of their lives rasing their kids. They should get to enjoy themselves, enjoy retirment, not spend the latter part of their years taking care of their grandchildren.
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Old 12-01-2010, 08:32 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,432,996 times
Reputation: 1957
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
well at least the child is being well taken care of---that child can grow up knowing this fact. as for her relationship with her parents, that remains to be seen later on in life.
I think this is important to keep in mind. Grandmother is taking care of the child.

I was raised for several years by my grandparents before going back to live with my mom when she remarried after having been divorced from my dad early on.

I never saw anything odd about it growing up, though as an adult I will say my relationship with my grandmother was different from the typical grandparent-grandchild relationship. We also were quite alike so who is to say our relationship would not have been very close anyway?
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Old 12-01-2010, 08:44 PM
Status: "Mom of twins plus one" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: J-ville, FL
218 posts, read 372,428 times
Reputation: 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by raggy491 View Post
I see this, but not a whole lot.

Some reasons I think:

- More single moms out there that cannot do it on there own and need help of grandparents

- Some parents dont want to cramp their lifestyle so they dump kids on grandparents and continue to have the lifestyle they had before kids.

- Even for some 2 parent families, now a days both parents have to work to make a decent life so they have to depend on the grandparents for free or cheap childcare.


Personally I dont think it's right to lean on grandparents a lot for taking care of your kids. Grandparents spent almost 1/3 of their lives rasing their kids. They should get to enjoy themselves, enjoy retirment, not spend the latter part of their years taking care of their grandchildren.
Single moms, yes, my DH had a single mother, and her parents were a great help to her, now DH has a great relationship with his g-parents and his mom, he always has. His grandfather was his father figure (biological father was a "disney land dad").
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:03 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,577,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slambango View Post
A slacker guy with custody from all 5 kids from multiple wives? I cannot even imagine the kind of women he dates.
HE doesn't have custody of them..his parents do. He just lives there also. No court in it's right mind would EVER give custody to him. But yes it reflects the quality of women he dates.
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Old 01-16-2011, 01:18 PM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,717,149 times
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The OP's question was if this type of situation happens often... I'd have to say this might depend on the education level and income level of the parents - but not always.

For example, a relative of mine chose to leave her kids behind to work in a foreign country because "the money was too good to pass up" and the money is tax-free, to boot. She and her husband had gotten themselevs into a bad financial situation with their overspending and bad financial choices, so to her making more money was more important than raising her own kids.

So, I think whether or not you raise your own kids just depends on your own personal priorities. What's more important to you? Your family? Your kids? Material wealth? Your paycheck? Partying?

People sometimes aren't willing to make lifestyle changes when they become parents, and so often this means that their kids suffer. It's sad.
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Old 01-18-2011, 04:01 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,236,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saywha View Post
I just want some perspective on this.

Now, I understand that sometimes things happen to the parents (death,illness, prison, ect.) and the g-parents take over, and when that case arrises, thank God they are there to do so.

To my point. I know this lovely lady, who has her grandaughter more than the parents, she clothes her, feeds her, takes her to school, helps her with homework, takes her to the doc, fills the perscription, basically everything the child's parents should do.

The child's parents are not together, and they are married to other people. The grandmother says that the parents are just too busy with work and whatever.

Does this happen often, where parents just dump their kids on g-parents because they're "too busy"? I think it's horrible, here she has raised her kids (although I'm questioning how well she raised them due to the fact the her own child is the one doing the dumping). I think she should give them a reality check!

What are your thoughts......


Yes they may think they are doing their kids a favor by raising their grand kids.
If the parents are able too then they should
I see nothing wrong with family helping, but when you eleviate the parents from doing their job, who are you really helping?
My sister gave her kids away and they were raised by their grandmother on their dads side
So now her daughter tells her, my grandma is my mom she raised me.
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:26 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
It is also very cultural. In Asia it is not uncommon for parents to depend on their parents to take in kids while they may even go to another country for work. I try not to judge.
It's definitely cultural. Here on the border, you stop thinking twice about a kid saying how he decided to live with the grandparents or some other relatives. Often the kids themselves will decide and at very young ages that they prefer some relative's home over their parent's home and everyone is fine with it, and often these kids will spend a number of months with grandparents and then decide to move back with parents.

And it's even more common when single mothers are involved who may have a boyfriend the child doesn't like, or a new husband, the child decides to stay with grandparents instead. In those cases, I think it's better because there doesn't seem to be much drama or hurt feelings and the child always has a refuge.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:03 AM
 
613 posts, read 807,510 times
Reputation: 711
Quote:
Originally Posted by saywha View Post
I just want some perspective on this.

Now, I understand that sometimes things happen to the parents (death,illness, prison, ect.) and the g-parents take over, and when that case arrises, thank God they are there to do so.

To my point. I know this lovely lady, who has her grandaughter more than the parents, she clothes her, feeds her, takes her to school, helps her with homework, takes her to the doc, fills the perscription, basically everything the child's parents should do.

The child's parents are not together, and they are married to other people. The grandmother says that the parents are just too busy with work and whatever.

Does this happen often, where parents just dump their kids on g-parents because they're "too busy"? I think it's horrible, here she has raised her kids (although I'm questioning how well she raised them due to the fact the her own child is the one doing the dumping). I think she should give them a reality check!

What are your thoughts......
I think it depends on the situation. These days most parents do not have the luxury of staying home to care for their kids or even the luxury to have a part-time job. Full time jobs these days are longer hours than they were say 10 or 20 years ago, coupled often with longer commute times and the parents are away from home for upwards of 12 hours a day, sometimes longer.

For many they are stuck between a rock and a hard place, faced with the decision to either work so they can give provide their kids with the necessities of clothing, food, and a roof over their heads, or taking a lower paying job or staying home where they live paycheck to paycheck and it is a daily struggle to provide for the kids, but now are able to be there for school and homework and doctor appts., etc.

When there is a grandparent who is willing and able to help with the kids, those are the parents AND KIDS who are extremely lucky!! This enables the parents to provide financially and the children to have a loving family member who is there for the little things!

I think grandparents that are helping to raise their grandchildren understand this and are more than willing to help.

I truly envy those that have this type of situation!
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