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Old 11-30-2010, 06:41 AM
Status: "Mom of twins plus one" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: J-ville, FL
218 posts, read 372,490 times
Reputation: 323

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I just want some perspective on this.

Now, I understand that sometimes things happen to the parents (death,illness, prison, ect.) and the g-parents take over, and when that case arrises, thank God they are there to do so.

To my point. I know this lovely lady, who has her grandaughter more than the parents, she clothes her, feeds her, takes her to school, helps her with homework, takes her to the doc, fills the perscription, basically everything the child's parents should do.

The child's parents are not together, and they are married to other people. The grandmother says that the parents are just too busy with work and whatever.

Does this happen often, where parents just dump their kids on g-parents because they're "too busy"? I think it's horrible, here she has raised her kids (although I'm questioning how well she raised them due to the fact the her own child is the one doing the dumping). I think she should give them a reality check!

What are your thoughts......
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:45 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,672,835 times
Reputation: 1711
Sometimes people have children without putting any thought into it. And she might of raised her kids well but one is just a bad egg. Sometimes no matter what a good job you do, with some people it just doesn't matter. For example on my fathers side my aunt and uncle raised 5 kids and all turned out great but one...they are all successful and while she does work she is a hot mess. Has had 3 different kids with 3 different guys...swtiches jobs all the time....moves and dumps the kids on her parents...etc etc etc.
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:06 AM
Status: "Mom of twins plus one" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: J-ville, FL
218 posts, read 372,490 times
Reputation: 323
That is so sad.
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,432 posts, read 3,266,661 times
Reputation: 2186
If the grandmother doesn't have a problem with it there is nothing that you can do about it. it is up to the grandmother not to let herself be taken advantage of.
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Old 11-30-2010, 08:28 AM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,464,939 times
Reputation: 4430
I've known many different situations.
One gal decided her young adult daughter-single mother-didn't parent well enough to meet her expectations, so she basically bullied her way into taking over parenting as much as she could and the daughter took the easy road by not battling mom. She wimped out and let her daughter live with her mom, let her mom handle pretty much everything.

Another raised 5 kids and one turned out to be horribly irresponsible. He has fathered 4 different kids with 3 different girls. This lady stepped up and not only is raising one of them, she was granted guardianship and then allowed to adopt her because the mother didn't want her and ended up in jail anyway. She took in another one of his children for a time, but ended up letting her go into foster care because she just had too many issues that needed specialized care she couldn't offer. Her son is now with yet another woman and they have a son together, but he still hasn't grown up and become a parent.

And yes, there are a few who prefer to live their own lives without the actual burden of raising children, but had them anyway, so the grandparents step up and take care of the innocent children because it's the right thing to do......for the kids.
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Old 11-30-2010, 09:25 AM
 
4,899 posts, read 16,248,434 times
Reputation: 3790
well at least the child is being well taken care of---that child can grow up knowing this fact. as for her relationship with her parents, that remains to be seen later on in life.
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Old 11-30-2010, 11:15 AM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,833,735 times
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I have seen this happen in several situations.

One was in my own family where my cousin had an out-of-wedlock child with a man she ran off with, came back home, remarried and had 3 other children with her new husband. Her husband was an abusive man especially with her older dd because the older girl reminded him that she had been with another man. Finally, she dropped the older girl with my aunt (her mother - the child's grandmother). Grandmother ended up adopting her and caring for her. By the time she was an adult, my cousin had divorced the creepy abusive husband and moved away taking the girl's half-brothers and sisters so the girl moved to the same city with her mom. I haven't had contact for a long time, but it did seem to work out in the end.

Another one is the case of an online friend whose youngest daughter is a drug addict and with a man who is also on drugs. In this case, grandma got legal guardianship of both children and they are being well taken care of. Unfortunately, their mother doesn't seem to care whether she ever sees them or has contact at this point.
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Old 11-30-2010, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
Reputation: 46995
It is also very cultural. In Asia it is not uncommon for parents to depend on their parents to take in kids while they may even go to another country for work. I try not to judge.
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Old 11-30-2010, 01:09 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,578,365 times
Reputation: 1080
I have a cousin that has had about 5 children with various women. He is 32 and has never lived with any of them...only "Dated" them. His parents are raising 4 currently.. probably have #5 soon. It is a shame. He don't support any of them, his parents do. Now his 2 brothers do great. Have stable families, good wives and well behaved children.

In my Girl Scout Troop there are more grandparents raising girls than parents. Or Aunties, older sisters, someone besides mom and dad.
I have one family with 7 grandchildren under the age of 10. The mom's parents are raising all the kids she has had. She is a drug user in our local largest town and they are all by different men. Several of them were born addicted to one thing or another and are damaged by it. What do you do with that? They feel obligated to take them in or they would go to DHS. Of course, no one can make her stop having children either...so they are stuck.
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Old 11-30-2010, 01:13 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,755,085 times
Reputation: 2524
Quote:
Originally Posted by saywha View Post
I just want some perspective on this.

Now, I understand that sometimes things happen to the parents (death,illness, prison, ect.) and the g-parents take over, and when that case arrises, thank God they are there to do so.

To my point. I know this lovely lady, who has her grandaughter more than the parents, she clothes her, feeds her, takes her to school, helps her with homework, takes her to the doc, fills the perscription, basically everything the child's parents should do.

The child's parents are not together, and they are married to other people. The grandmother says that the parents are just too busy with work and whatever.

Does this happen often, where parents just dump their kids on g-parents because they're "too busy"? I think it's horrible, here she has raised her kids (although I'm questioning how well she raised them due to the fact the her own child is the one doing the dumping). I think she should give them a reality check!

What are your thoughts......
The parents are responsible for their own kids but since this is not the case I believe the child is better off raising the child getting the love and attention she deserves, take care.
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