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My Grandparents pretty much raised me, not due to having a bad Mom or anything she was just always at work. I was always the favorite.
A few Bad (negative) things happined during my younger to teenaged years.. Not Bad like one may think, But they babied me.
Babied me to the point of I was never taught as a younger person to fend for myself.
Grandpa was a Carpenter and Painter..yet tools were to dangerous for me to use, paint had fumes.. I just might cut my foot off mowing the lawn.
Hell he cant fix a car he will screw it up.. that type stuff. Thing is.. He taught all of his own kids this stuff.
All of them have feet and none are missing fingers or huffing paint thinner..
As I grew up it made me have this mentality that I simply could not do these type of things.
While he took pride in having the best yard in the neighborhood..I simply did not have the knowledge or the will to do such..
It basicly gave me a Handicap, A fixable one.. But still.
He was in his younger years an abusive alcoholic Bas**tard.. Not once to me though. Not abusive..Verbal yes...
Now on to Grandma.. The most awsome woman I have ever Known, to put up with him it's a old time for richer or poorer thing I guess.
She also sheltered me but also helped me a litte bit deviant as I got older. She taught me how to hide my Booze and Pot better.
I learned from her what An old timer might say "womans work"
Cooking, cleaning..Just things a woman born in the 1920's are "supposed" to do.
I eventually of course moved out got a life of my own, it was a good thing
A few years ago I got laid off and they were there for me..They asked me to move in.
That old comfortable feeling set in, I had money saved and Helped out (dont think me a freeloader)
I got tired of the verbal abuse stuff from him after a little while, I Had the chance to Move out again.
I jumed at the chance, it was working for a Gay woman, Caring for her kids and doing household chores..
As always I called Grandma everyday to see how she was doing and how her life was going..
She started to hit me with stuff like.. You are the only reason I kept going all these years.
I may as well be dead without you here...
The gulit set in.. I tried to be assuring and steadfast, It didnt work for me.. I went back..
So now I feel stuck here, the rest of the family put me here because I was the person They got along with..
They dont say I feel ya man.. they dont come to visit because they pretty much cant stand the man..
I learned to ignore the verbal abuse, I hide in my room or go out. Even that I stopped doing.
She will never ever think of leaving his side..
Grandma's let your kids...GO..
Way to go. Blame it all on good ole Grandma . . .nope, it's YOUR life . . . you make your decisions. We were all dealt hands, some good, some bad. Quit whining and do what you know is right, despite your training or how hard it is. No one can do it for you, and I guarantee, it is not Grandma's fault. You have a brain. Use it!
I agree, but just because there's no outright emotional blackmail doesn't make it any easier. We're about to take the only grandson away from both grandparents for my husband's job (not an essential move, just a good opportunity), and we've struggled so much with the decision and I'm just heartsick about it. My parents in particular live 5 mins away and see our 20 mos old son every day and they adore each other, and while they're obviously trying to be supportive and have never once told us not to move outright, I still know how much the move will break their hearts, and I'm just hurting so much both for us and for them. We're lucky enough to have grown up in wonderful supportive families, so it's always strange for me to hear of blackmail, guilt trips and other crap between parents and kids. In fact, I think if I felt any negativity from them, it might've been easier to leave. It's when everyone's being loving and supportive but yet clearly hurting inside that just makes me want to curl up and cry...i would never have left if it was up to me, but it was my husband's call as he's the provider in the family and thinks it'll be for the best...
This is so weird. Parents push for their kids to "fly" and when they do leave the nest, they want to saddle bag them with guilt for flying.
I think it's important to accept that some (or all) of our kids may decide to move away someday before we even think about having kids!...In the "old days" kids could find great jobs right in their hometown. (Or closeby.) But this isn't usually the case anymore. Society has changed. Our adult kids could wind-up anywhere!...It's sad when our kids and grandkids live far away from us. I do think that we can "miss" a lot...But what can we do? Guess we just have to face reality about modern life. Our kids need to "spread their wings" (as you mentioned) and "fly off" to an area that suits their needs and desires! Trying to "hold them back" is selfish! We had our "shot at life" and our kids need and deserve "their shot" too!
As a parent who deliberately moved back after flying the coop, I would like to contribute that the grandparent/grandchild relationship can be a beautiful thing and sometimes it's worth it to stick around.
The OP has a fair enough request....just remember things like this goes both ways.
Sometimes it's the grandparents that need to move and it's the kids that put the guilt trip on the grandparents.
OR..the kids make the decision to move away (no matter what the reason) and then whine and complain that the gp's don't drop everything at any given moment to come see the gkids not understanding that the gparents have more in their lives than being at their kids beck and call.
My son is currently deployed and his wife and girls are stationed 8 1/2 hours away. sometimes our DIL makes little comments about how hard it is for her to make the trip to see us.
We understand that but right at the moment my husband is going thru cancer treatments and it's not feasible for us to travel that far any time soon.
We don't need the guilt trips either.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it would be wonderful if everyone took others into consideration before making comments that could render a rift go great that it can't be mended.
Granny Sue, First and most importantly, kudo's to you and the hubby for raising such a fine young man who's willing to give his life for our country. Please thank him for me.
Now, on to the bolded part of your post. Please.. PLEASE, don't read anything negative into her comments. The bottom line is she does bring the g'kids to see you. She obviously wants to see you, and she wants the g'kids to see you.
I"m sure it is difficult for her to get those kids ready for a long car trip. I had a hard enough time getting mine ready just to take them to school.
Next time she makes a comment about how hard it is for her to drive down to you, try thanking her for making the effort and tell her how much you appreciate it. Ask her if theres anything you can do to make the drive easier for her? Maybe buy the kids a handheld video game for the drive? Does she need gas money?
You've both got a lot to deal with right now, please don't make the situation worse by reading into what she says.
I think you feel somewhat guilty about not being able to visit them at this time, and I think it's coloring your judgement when you hear her say how difficult it is to bring the kids to you. She's probably not trying to make you feel guilty, she probably just wants someone to listen to her.
I'm a grandma many times over too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue
The OP has a fair enough request....just remember things like this goes both ways.
Sometimes it's the grandparents that need to move and it's the kids that put the guilt trip on the grandparents.
OR..the kids make the decision to move away (no matter what the reason) and then whine and complain that the gp's don't drop everything at any given moment to come see the gkids not understanding that the gparents have more in their lives than being at their kids beck and call.
My son is currently deployed and his wife and girls are stationed 8 1/2 hours away. sometimes our DIL makes little comments about how hard it is for her to make the trip to see us.
We understand that but right at the moment my husband is going thru cancer treatments and it's not feasible for us to travel that far any time soon.
We don't need the guilt trips either.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it would be wonderful if everyone took others into consideration before making comments that could render a rift go great that it can't be mended.
The OP has a fair enough request....just remember things like this goes both ways.
Sometimes it's the grandparents that need to move and it's the kids that put the guilt trip on the grandparents.
OR..the kids make the decision to move away (no matter what the reason) and then whine and complain that the gp's don't drop everything at any given moment to come see the gkids not understanding that the gparents have more in their lives than being at their kids beck and call.
My son is currently deployed and his wife and girls are stationed 8 1/2 hours away. sometimes our DIL makes little comments about how hard it is for her to make the trip to see us.
We understand that but right at the moment my husband is going thru cancer treatments and it's not feasible for us to travel that far any time soon.
We don't need the guilt trips either.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it would be wonderful if everyone took others into consideration before making comments that could render a rift go great that it can't be mended.
I hope things go well for your husband. I know it must be a rough time for you. You don't really need to hear complaints from your DIL right now.
Lauriedeee...My husband "battled" cancer last year and it took every "drop" of strength we had to stay hopeful and keep going despite the negative "odds" and prognosis. (My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 13 months later. Sad!)...My husband's 3 kids (from his first marriage) live far away in other states. My husband's son was the only one who came out to visit him. (One time with his wife.)...The other kids stayed in touch once in awhile through phones calls or text messages. They asked about their Dad (briefly) but most of their conversations were "about themselves." One time my husband's daughter just wrote to brag about getting an iPod!...I don't think they really took in the fact that their Dad might die. Maybe it was just hard for them or ???...My older son passed away a few years ago but my younger son lives closeby. My son took care of his "real" Dad (my first husband) when he had cancer a few years ago. And it was sad that he lost "another Dad" to cancer too!...Anyway I can really "feel" for Granny Sue. I wish my husband's kids would have exhibited a little more empathy and compassion for what we were facing here.
Lauriedeee, I do appreciate you defending her...and don't get me wrong, she's a great mother to my gkids....She's a good wife to my son and I tell her that every chance I get. But the fact of the matter is she's a bit self-centered on certain subjects.
But I'm not reading anything more than what's there. She feels that WE should come THERE to see the gkids at a drop of a hat. Because she's busy and it's hard for her to do it alone.
We understand that because we've been there done that.
But she doesn't seem to understand why we can't. We have my husband's illness to deal with and I still have to work.
We've alway been sympathetic to her needs and before my husband got sick we were the ones that made the drive because we knew it was easier for us to pack up and go.
No I'm not feeling guilty for not being able to go...I have too many other emotions to deal with.
I just feel that if she would show us the same empathy we've always given her things would be better.
I was also pointing out that it's a two way street
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) and then whine and complain that the gp's don't drop everything at any given moment to come see the gkids not understanding that the gparents have more in their lives than being at their kids beck and call.
