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Old 09-24-2011, 12:31 PM
 
572 posts, read 1,110,230 times
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My Dh and I have been married for 14 years. We have two children. My mom and dad are great grandparents, and my ILs not so much.

My MIL and FIL are divorced. My MIL is very passive-aggressive, and she has, for lack of a better term, a crush on my husband. I understand that parents are supposed to be supportive and defend their children, but she takes to an extreme. An example, one time my DH ranted to her about my spending habits, and she called my mom and asked my mom what she thought of me spending $X amount of money when my DH is working his butt off-- failed to mention that I was working at the time. Or another example, we moved to the south with the military, she ranted and raved about how hot it is and how poor, poor DH would have to do the yard work in the heat. So far DH has worked outside in the yard maybe 3 times since we got here, otherwise, I'm the one doing the yard work. My son has autism, and often times that dictates where we go as far as the military is concerned. My MIL, however, thinks that my son is ruining my husband's career, and that he should go where it's best for his career rather than what's best for my son.

My FIL, on the other hand, has no interest in grandchildren whatsoever. He never calls them (they are 5 and 7), never visits (we only see him when we travel, and with my son, anything longer than 7-8 hours, requires a sedative, but FIL insists that it's easier and cheaper for us to see him), and only sends presents on birthdays and Christmases.

Neither MIL or FIL participate in school fundraisers, or when they come out want to spend time with the kids. My MIL is coming out in January, and she's already complaining that she will have to babysit (umm we have no intention of asking her to). That being said, every year for school pictures, dance pictures, and soccer pictures, my ILs expect us to buy them pictures and send them. It gets expensive. This weekend alone I have spent $80 on school pictures. If they want them, I want them to pay for them. Is this fair, given the lack of interest they have WRT my kids?
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Old 09-24-2011, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
2,392 posts, read 8,626,317 times
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Get the pictures you want or need, see if you can get the copyright to them then take the pictures to the store and make your own copies.
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Old 09-24-2011, 12:51 PM
 
572 posts, read 1,110,230 times
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The copyright is like $100... It's cheaper to just buy the pictures for them.
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
2,392 posts, read 8,626,317 times
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For school pictures the copyright (at least in my area) is about 10 bucks but its a large photo company that takes lots of school pictures around the state. Sorry its so expensive for you. if so don't worry about it. If they want a picture take one from your home camera and email it to them.
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:17 PM
 
13,813 posts, read 14,645,759 times
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you are being spiteful towards them, yes I can see where you would want to but, you should be the bigger person, buy 2 extra small pictures, give it to them and be done with it. at least you will have taken the "high road". just because they don't live up to your ideas of what a GP should be, doesn't mean you should use the excuse that it is expensive to be "punish' them.
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Old 09-24-2011, 03:54 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,075,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo61397 View Post
My Dh and I have been married for 14 years. We have two children. My mom and dad are great grandparents, and my ILs not so much.

My MIL and FIL are divorced. My MIL is very passive-aggressive, and she has, for lack of a better term, a crush on my husband. I understand that parents are supposed to be supportive and defend their children, but she takes to an extreme. An example, one time my DH ranted to her about my spending habits, and she called my mom and asked my mom what she thought of me spending $X amount of money when my DH is working his butt off-- failed to mention that I was working at the time. Or another example, we moved to the south with the military, she ranted and raved about how hot it is and how poor, poor DH would have to do the yard work in the heat. So far DH has worked outside in the yard maybe 3 times since we got here, otherwise, I'm the one doing the yard work. My son has autism, and often times that dictates where we go as far as the military is concerned. My MIL, however, thinks that my son is ruining my husband's career, and that he should go where it's best for his career rather than what's best for my son.

My FIL, on the other hand, has no interest in grandchildren whatsoever. He never calls them (they are 5 and 7), never visits (we only see him when we travel, and with my son, anything longer than 7-8 hours, requires a sedative, but FIL insists that it's easier and cheaper for us to see him), and only sends presents on birthdays and Christmases.

Neither MIL or FIL participate in school fundraisers, or when they come out want to spend time with the kids. My MIL is coming out in January, and she's already complaining that she will have to babysit (umm we have no intention of asking her to). That being said, every year for school pictures, dance pictures, and soccer pictures, my ILs expect us to buy them pictures and send them. It gets expensive. This weekend alone I have spent $80 on school pictures. If they want them, I want them to pay for them. Is this fair, given the lack of interest they have WRT my kids?
The part that is bolded and red has nothing to do with them being bad grand parents From your description, I don't see how your MIL is uninvolved or disinterested, although your FIL doesn't seem to care much.

Just buy what you can afford and send them what you can. You aren't obligated, but you shouldn't ask them to pay for them. I suggest scanning and e-mailing. Then they can print whatever size they want.
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Old 09-24-2011, 06:10 PM
 
572 posts, read 1,110,230 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
The part that is bolded and red has nothing to do with them being bad grand parents From your description, I don't see how your MIL is uninvolved or disinterested, although your FIL doesn't seem to care much.

Just buy what you can afford and send them what you can. You aren't obligated, but you shouldn't ask them to pay for them. I suggest scanning and e-mailing. Then they can print whatever size they want.
Bad example. Usually, she puts her son's needs above all others, including her grandchildren. My husband has had to do "odd" career moves, because the military will not place us where there are no services for my son. Every time we get an "off the beaten path" assignment, my MIL has a fit. She even went so far as to tell everyone that I was lying about not being able to return to one base (the base we were supposed to go to originally, but the assignment was denied because of my son's condition), because I wanted to ruin my DH's career. She got mad at me when we were assigned to FL, because I should be able to just "do" my son's therapy on my own. She said that literally. She also implied that my children were not my husband's, because the timing of my son was "off". Another example, my son can't have food dyes and colorings, so everyone in the family gave up M&Ms. M&Ms used to be my husband's favorite candy, but he was the first one to suggest giving them up. Want to know what my husband and son got for Christmas, a 5 pound bag EACH of M&Ms. When I told her, do you realize that this candy makes DS sick, she said, "well, M&Ms are DH's favorite, and he shouldn't have to give them up. You want more... She sent a card and a check on my birthday for DH, the check read-- "For Just You, Happy Birthday." She didn't call my son or my daughter on their birthday, but called my husband. She told my DD that we couldn't get any pets, because she's allergic to cats. Oh and here's the cherry, when my DH deployed for Iraq she gave my husband $10K to freeze his sperm. When we got pregnant, we put that money in a mutual fund for my DS, she had a COW. And then DH took a life insurance policy out before deployment, if he dies in combat, I get 1 million. She asked how much of it she gets, I told her none. She said, well why do you get all that money. I said, to help raise his child. She says, and I quote, "a 9 month old really does need a million dollars. DH needs to change that so that his sister and I get some." OH I have a poop ton.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 3,945,327 times
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Ummm...wow

Is he the only boy in his family (I saw that he has a sister)? Sounds like MIL is having a tough time letting go of her son. If she was controlling when he was growing up... that behavior isn't likely to end no matter who he's married to or where he's living. The fact that you (and your children together) have become more important to him and the choices he's making are for your benefit and not hers, seems to be hard for her to accept.

Sounds like FIL may show dis-interest because anything else would bring her wrath down on him. He has to live with her... can't say I really blame him. It's possible he would love to shower attention on your kids, but keeps his silence to keep the peace in his marriage.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:40 PM
 
572 posts, read 1,110,230 times
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He has 3 sisters and a brother. Mil and fil are divorced, bitterly so. Fil is disinterested, because like my mil, he is extremely self absorbed.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,541,349 times
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School pictures are a rip off. Head over to one of those mart stores or something similar and get the pictures there. As for asking relatives to pay for pictures because you feel they are uninvolved, or don't like them, don't. I'm sure if you thought this through you would see that asking for money is only going to create drama with the MIL and drive the FIL even further away. If you can't afford to send a wallet sized photo don't. If they ask, let them know your budget is not going to allow for extra photos, but don't insult people by asking them to pay for what should be a thoughtful token.
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