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Children are a handful, but if you make it into fun and not a job it gets better, I take my wee one who just turned one down the park and sing songs along the road, and point out trees, birds, cars, colours to him, he loves it and so do I... Ive watched five of my eight grandkids to allow parents to work until nursery ages.. I think having an outside play area or back garden makes a difference too though.. as I hated when I lived in a flat and had to get up and down three flights of stairs with prams.. things like that can be very exhausting when we get older... Each of my grandkids other three grannies help out too...
Wouldn't you feel better about having someone you trusted, who was there to willingly watch your children? Rather than putting your children in a situation where they are not wanted? I had a situation similar come up...I desperately needed help, as I was trying to work full time, and finish my Masters degree, with four kids. I needed a babysitter for one night, as my oldest son was gone with his Dad...and I asked my Aunt to help me out, she agreed. I found out later from my kids, that they were told to stay in the kitchen, and sit at the table, while the rest of her family ate dinner in the dining room, I did not expect her to feed my kids, I had given them dinner earlier...basically, they felt like they had done something wrong to be treated this way. It was my Aunt's way of being passive aggressive, and taking it out on my kids.
(yes, there are people like that)...she did not let them in the family room to watch tv, or anything else. It was awful for them. She obviously had issues, and she should have just said no....I learned, never to ask family for help again.
I keep seeing comments on here about grandparents not being obligated to do ANY babysitting. If you break things down in a very simple way, that's true. But, barring any health problems, work obligations, etc, most loving grandparents actually WANT to watch their grandkids as long as they aren't being asked to do so too often. I do not at all think grandparents should give up their retirement years to be free daycare, but what is wrong with the occasional Saturday night? Every couple friend around us has grandparents who are EAGER to take kids for overnights/roadtrips, help a little buying school clothes. I can say that watching the grandparents shower the other grandkids with time, attention, and help buying stuff for them is frustrating. Especially when we have asked for next to nothing in the 11 yrs 9 mos since the oldest was born.
You're right. They should want to. Even though I know they aren't obligated, it is heartbreaking to think that some grandparents can so obviously play favorites.
[quote=Oedgar;25533696]I keep seeing comments on here about grandparents not being obligated to do ANY babysitting. If you break things down in a very simple way, that's true. But, barring any health problems, work obligations, etc, most loving grandparents actually WANT to watch their grandkids as long as they aren't being asked to do so too often. I do not at all think grandparents should give up their retirement years to be free daycare, but what is wrong with the occasional Saturday night? Every couple friend around us has grandparents who are EAGER to take kids for overnights/roadtrips, help a little buying school clothes. I can say that watching the grandparents shower the other grandkids with time, attention, and help buying stuff for them is frustrating. Especially when we have asked for next to nothing in the 11 yrs 9 mos since the oldest was born.[/
You should see what the grandparents do around here... Not only do they help w/back to school clothes, but they buy Communion dresses, pay for Summer camps or season tickets to nearby popular amusement parks ,etc...
My husband & I are amazed at what people get done for them!
We don't live near our family, but my parents couldn't & wouldn't do any of this.
My parents do what they can when they visit, maybe a movie & dinner with the kids, but that is pretty much it.
They have never offered to take our kids ( or my siblings) for a vacation anywhere and have never offred for my children to stay w/ them during the Summer....
They play w/ them & are loving grandparents but when people say how grandparents spoil their grandchildren, I have to say that my children are not spoiled- at all.
We have suggested that we all rent a beach home or something for a week & they don't want to, but, they go away alot w/ friends and other family ( cousins) , no children though...
Sometimes I have to admit, I wish my parents would do more, BUT, it is their money, their retirement and they are free to do what they want with it and their time.
Wow! That does sound a lot like what my friends around here have! I don't have so much of an issue with the money. Right now both of my kids are going starting extensive orthodontics at ages 8 and 11. Their problems go way beyond just having some crooked teeth. We have crossbite/narrow upper palate and underbite/crossbite that will cause bigger trouble if we don't fix it now. After what little our dental insurance pays, my out of pocket will be $9,000. I am fretting over all of this, but we will do without things (like replacing our 11 yr old truck) to do it. I just ache inside when I see my friends' kids get so much grandparent time and fun adventures. And my kids get a short playtime or a movie every few months.
While I enjoyed my grandchildren, I made it clear that I wouldn't watch them on a regular basis. I would watch in an emergency situations. My philosophy if you can afford a night out, you can afford a babysitter.
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
oh wow! I've never known anyone to have their kids in the room. I'm glad it worked out.
My oldest (who was 6) was in the birthing room with her dad and I when her sister was born. I was induced and had an epidural, so there was no pain or drama. We watched cartoons and played connect the dots (dad was asleep until the important part), then the nurse came in and said, "Time to push". She was the first one to hold her sister. The nurse practioner at my OB/GYN talked to her beforehand, though, to make sure she was mature enough to handle it. This was 21 years ago.
We had our 19 months old daughter in the birth room when her brother was born (no grandparents on both sides - some dead, some on the other side of the planet). As she was a toddler, we were thinking more of how to contain her, rather than how not to expose her to things. We brought a foldable crib (pack-n-play) where she fell asleep, after much talking to everyone (she was an early talker). She woke up during the commotion and a nurse led her away for a Popsicle during the 10 min or so of pushing. She was on my bed with her new brother after that, too, and it was a wonderful feeling - and wonderful family pictures!!
You're right. They should want to. Even though I know they aren't obligated, it is heartbreaking to think that some grandparents can so obviously play favorites.
When you start using the word "SHOULD" with relatives, you're going down a bad path. There is no "SHOULD". There is NOTHING wrong with a grandparent not wanting to baby sit. NOTHING. It's an individual thing. Some like to and some don't. It shouldn't be held against them either way. And yes, some parents see one child as more in need than another and may spend more time and money on that child's kids.
I have friends whose parents practically moved in when they had kids and I have freinds whose parents packed up and moved to a different state upon hearing they have a grandchild on the way so they wouldn't be used as baby sitters. Seriously, our parents did their time parenting. What they SHOULD do is what works for them.
I'm a very hands off grandma to dss's 6 kids. I'm still raising my own and working full time. I just don't have time. So I see them at birthday parties and Christmas. Her mom is retired and baby sits all the time. She takes one grandchild a week for an overnight stay. That's great but it's her choice. If she chose to spend her time playing bingo instead, that would be her choice too. People really need to not use the word "SHOULD" with grandparents.
Wouldn't you feel better about having someone you trusted, who was there to willingly watch your children? Rather than putting your children in a situation where they are not wanted? I had a situation similar come up...I desperately needed help, as I was trying to work full time, and finish my Masters degree, with four kids. I needed a babysitter for one night, as my oldest son was gone with his Dad...and I asked my Aunt to help me out, she agreed. I found out later from my kids, that they were told to stay in the kitchen, and sit at the table, while the rest of her family ate dinner in the dining room, I did not expect her to feed my kids, I had given them dinner earlier...basically, they felt like they had done something wrong to be treated this way. It was my Aunt's way of being passive aggressive, and taking it out on my kids.
(yes, there are people like that)...she did not let them in the family room to watch tv, or anything else. It was awful for them. She obviously had issues, and she should have just said no....I learned, never to ask family for help again.
My son and his cousins grew up in much the same situation that the OP described. Out of 9 grandchildren, only 3 got attention from their grandmother.
We never pushed the matter but never made excuses for her behavior either. They had lots of Aunts and Uncles that love them equally and luckily that was good enough for them.
Now that they have all grown, they are not close to her and even feel sorry for the three that were and still are being smothered by her.
This is how clueless she is...during my son's 1st deployment she called me angrily and ask me he hadn't called or written to her while he was deployed. I said....did you write to him? (I had provided the mailing address) She sputtered and said no....I just kinda shrugged and said that he's probably waiting to answer YOUR letter.
She then tried to make him feel bad for not bringing her something from Kuwait. I reminded her that he wasn't there on summer vacation.
My point being, some g'parents are just clueless. I understand what you're REALLY saying about the babysitting. You just want your kids to know that their g'parents love them.
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