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Old 08-17-2015, 10:05 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,524,755 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tonimaloney View Post
I'm a SAHM now with a 2 1/2 year old, a 15 month old and I'm 7 months pregnant, my husband is incredibly supportive and we have a great relationship. My children are not ill behaved in any way, they are very well mannered (for being toddlers) and listen to what you tell them. The problem lies in our families.
My parents both drink way too much and we don't feel comfortable with them watching our kids. Also, neither of us have any close friends or relatives that are available to watch the children... We have thought about care.com, etc. but would hate to leave the kids with a stranger.
My sister in law has 5 kids who have no sense of discipline and refuse to listen to anyone. My husbands parents will watch her kids for 2-3 days at a time, with a moments notice. They always buy them clothes and shoes, bikes and toys (just randomly, not for bdays or anything).... When wesk them to watch my 2 kids (2 weeks in advance even) I always get a answer that eventually leads to a "no". They never think to buy our kids anything... etc. They obviously favor my sister-in-laws kids. The few times they have watched them, they call us at exactly two hours saying we need to pick them up. I am stressed out of my mind because I just want to be able to have a date night where we're not limited to 2 hours on the dot. Now, recently, with having the new baby due in a couple of months, we're worried about who we can leave the kids with while we're giving birth in the hospital. (They watched my first child when I had my second but and everything was okay....)
I need some serious advice but I don't know how to approach it with his parents and my husband doesn't feel like he can say anything either (I think he doesn't know how to go about it). We deserve to have some time together and I take it extremely personally that they won't watch our children. How do I handle this? Our kids LOVE my husbands parents and when we're all together everything is perfect so I don't know what the issue is...
I think they feel they have to for children's good with sister in law even to providing for things parents normally would, I think that taxes them ;so seeing your kids are getting good care they have to refuse more sitting. I'd sit down and discuss it with them as surely your husband can do that. Reality is they do not owe watching nay of the grand kids ;so why feel you are owed it.
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Old 08-18-2015, 10:02 AM
 
491 posts, read 594,379 times
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I keep my 4yo niece over night about once a month. She is my brothers daughter born when he was 50 and I was 58. I also occasionally keep my sisters daughters child during the day. I am much more comfortable caring for my nieces child. That child is being raised with values etc much more in keeping with my values. My niece always is grateful that I babysat for her. They reinforce behavior limits at my house etc.

On the other hand, my brother's wife has never once thanked my when she picks up her kid. The child is very naughty and that is seen as cute and reinforced. They are always late when they pick her up and then I can't get rid of them. They might spend the whole afternoon at my house watching TV, reading the paper, surfing the net while I continue to care for their kid. I find it annoying.

Perhaps in a non confrontational manner you should ask them what would make their times with your kids more positive and then really listen and take to heart what they say. Being a good DIL might go a long way to getting what you want.
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Old 08-22-2015, 08:04 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,547 posts, read 23,051,194 times
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When I was a teenager, my parents told me that they had their own life and were not going to be built in baby sitters.

Grandparents have no obligation to babysit. Some like to, Others do not.
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:31 AM
 
10,361 posts, read 8,324,888 times
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Just a heads-up: this thread began in 2012, so the OP's then-expected baby is now about three years old, while , while her older children are now five and a half and four and a half. I expect the OP, who has not posted for a long time, has resolved her babysitting issues by now.
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Old 08-27-2015, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Middle of the Pacific Ocean
11,343 posts, read 6,120,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
I disagree that the OP should discuss the issue with her parents-in-law. In my experience, these types of conversations never go over well coming from a DIL. Her husband should be the one to have a talk with his parents. Perhaps they don't see the problem and he can let them know it hurts his kids to have so little time with the grandparents they love.

I agree with all the other posters that a good sitter will help fill the gap. I didn't have parents or PIL nearby when mine were little. We found an older sitter who came a half day every week so I could run errands with out the kids and every other Saturday night for date night. She was a sanity saver!
I agree. I'd have the husband talk to the parents. The wife/DIL going may be setting off a grenade.
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Old 08-28-2015, 05:32 AM
 
109 posts, read 102,680 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Just a heads-up: this thread began in 2012, so the OP's then-expected baby is now about three years old, while , while her older children are now five and a half and four and a half. I expect the OP, who has not posted for a long time, has resolved her babysitting issues by now.
Agreed, but the thread may be relevant to others currently going through a similar situation and give ideas on how it could be handled.
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Old 08-28-2015, 10:14 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,547 posts, read 23,051,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Just a heads-up: this thread began in 2012, so the OP's then-expected baby is now about three years old, while , while her older children are now five and a half and four and a half. I expect the OP, who has not posted for a long time, has resolved her babysitting issues by now.
It doesn't really matter. This is an age old discussion. And it is obviously still relevant. The OP may be long gone, but the issue still survives.
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Old 08-28-2015, 10:29 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,547 posts, read 23,051,194 times
Reputation: 48427
Since the OP is gone, why don't we focus on the topic of grandparents and babysitting.

I never ever felt entitled to babysitting services from my parents or in-laws. They never offered and I never asked. It was known that they were not interested.

They took my children skiing, to cultural events, paid for pre-school, and spent time with them.

They babysat exactly once, when they gave us tickets to a Broadway show. It was part of the anniversary present.

This was fine with us. I did not expect baby sitting services from my parents. In my personal situation, I had waited so long to have a family that leaving them with anyone else was not an interest of ours.

When we had date nights, we used teenage girls from our church.
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Old 08-29-2015, 02:21 PM
 
2,254 posts, read 1,545,600 times
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I am very much looking forward to our first grandchild in late October. I have told my daughter we would very much like to baby sit on occasion for them.. I also express that we had no desire to become a daycare center.
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Old 09-01-2015, 12:56 AM
 
9,933 posts, read 4,537,737 times
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Quote:
We deserve to have some time together and I take it extremely personally that they won't watch our children.
yes, because they should have planned ahead before having kids... sounds like poor parenting to me, tired of kids so they get mad at other people for not playing "parents" when the parents don't want the job anymore...

how would OP feel if the grandparents just "dropped" themselves off at their doors saying, we are here to live with you for a bit because we wanted to "get away"? And treat their house as a night off? Not that they wanted to see the grandkids/parents but just because they felt like a vacation away from home? I feel like this is the same as dropping grandkids off at grandparents for a night off just because the parents wanted a few days away from their responsibilities.

Sure plan together to get them together so they can spend time together, but expecting someone else to take care of kids just because the parents want "alone" time?
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