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Old 06-24-2012, 08:42 AM
Location: Simmering in DFW
6,947 posts, read 18,695,185 times
Reputation: 7187


I would tell baby daddy that in one year I would be advising the grandparents about the child. So, on the baby's first birthday a photo and a note would go out. Be careful, however, for your safety. Sure would not do this or even tell baby daddy about the plan/ultimatum if I had a secret fear any harm would befall me or baby.

As a grandparent, I must say I'd want to know but I would also be suspicious about a strange woman alleging to be parenting my son's child. I would wonder if its true, and also wonder if this was a scheme to get money from me. So, I do think if you plan on advising his parents that you get a DNA test and let them know you want nothing in return. HOWEVER, I just told you what I would want to know as the grandparent. As the mother of this baby, I would NOT tell them because once they are aware, now these people may want to get to know the baby so you will have complete strangers asking to take your child away from your protective arms for visits. Since they are not in your local vicinity, this raises all kinds of complications. In short, as a grandparent I'd want to know but as the mother I think it would be best not to tell.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:46 PM
Location: Wisconsin
16,490 posts, read 15,932,856 times
Reputation: 38829
I know that your question was about telling the grandparents but please list contact an attorney about the legal rights for your child.

I know that you probably don't want very much to do with this jerk right now and probably think that you can support the child on your own but circumstances can change.

I have seen several situations where the mom wanted to go it alone and just get the baby's dad out of her life but it was the child who suffered in the long run. It's a long story but a dear friend of my son lived in poverty and sometimes didn't even have enough food to eat growing up while her biological dad "got his life together" and ending up with a job paying (perhaps) $200,000 a year. Mom had terminated his parental rights when his daughters were toddlers so he felt no obligation to help. ironically now that his children are adults he does have regular contact with them but has never contributed even a dime or given them one gift once his rights were terminated. Just don't do anything hasty.

Yes, I feel that the grandparents have a right to know about their grandchild. Don't just send them an announcement please contact them in another way. The suggestion that you give the baby's father a deadline to tell his parents is a good one. But he may spin the story in such a way to make you seem like the "bad guy" (ie. she was a stranger who raped me while I was drunk).

Good luck.
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Old 06-24-2012, 11:20 PM
Location: Richfield, idaho
97 posts, read 140,797 times
Reputation: 139
the way this missive is written I think you have other problems rather than grandparents. I have a problem with a 40 yrs old who says "My mom's gonna kill me!". I am sorry to say this but I think you may be raising this child by yourself. Please don't think that this is what I want or expect but this is what I fear. I will pray for you.
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Old 06-27-2012, 04:28 PM
12,430 posts, read 14,565,228 times
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prettywings...if I were the grandparent and you told me my 40 year old son was going to be a father I'd be singing HALLELULIA!!, and thanking my lucky stars that my son had finally found a woman to mother his child and my grandbaby...I think they would want to know...I hope you tell them...your baby should be given the chance to know them, and they should be given the chance to know the baby.......good luck, and congradulations..hope your pregnancy goes well.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:27 AM
11,896 posts, read 14,368,392 times
Reputation: 7526
I could see waiting until closer to birth so you don't have to worry about losing the baby. They have the right to know even in the (unlikely) even they choose not to get involved. If they are the closest grandparents they could be a blessing in the future.
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Old 06-15-2015, 05:43 PM
1 posts, read 914 times
Reputation: 15
I would want to know that I had a grandchild, regardless of what my son chose to do. I am a grandparent and because Florida does not have grandparents rights, I have suffered by the choices of others. I love my grandchildren and I feel I have a lot to offer them, because I care and want to leave them with memories similar to my own memories of my wonderful grandparents!
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Old 06-16-2015, 09:26 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
18,885 posts, read 12,490,390 times
Reputation: 24354
Don't send an announcement. You want to give them heart failure?

It is his responsibility to tell his parents. But you can't make him. You can insist he pay child support though. I imagine that his parents will eventually find out if he does this.

From your post, it seems to me that the issue with you is not , "should his parents know?" but "do I dare tell them myself?" The answer is no, probably not.
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Old 06-18-2015, 01:46 PM
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,978,305 times
Reputation: 10245
My stepson's girlfriend left a garbled message on our answering machine at 2am...woke me out of a sound sleep...that was how we found out...my husband was working and he heard the message when he got home.... His son was a sneaky lying 16 yr old that lied about anything.My husband wasted no time in calling this girl back and wanting to see the boy, now 10 mos old...THAT day. We were in shock... The baby looked just like the son and resembled my husband so we knew it was his....He is almost 9 now and the only grandkid...I don't like the way she sprang it on us but my husband is nuts over that little boy... Don't know how it would be if he hadn't found out until, like say now.... At least we built a relationship with him when he was little and have great memories...

He should be the one since he's a man...his mom isn't going to kill him...Can't even imagine a 40 yr old saying that.... But if he doesn't I would find a way to let them know they have a grandchild... Somehow...
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Old 06-19-2015, 09:26 AM
8,722 posts, read 8,927,230 times
Reputation: 12199
More than likely he's going to tell his parents. Let him absorb the news, reflect on it, and take it all in. What he does next is up to him.

I was in his shoes before. I was scared. I was embarrassed (not of child..of situation) and all I could think about was the huge responsibility and how I couldn't do it. I didn't tell my parents initially. Hell, I didn't tell anyone.

But I did tell them. And they were excited. And I came around and started to enjoy it. And my parents absolutely adore my child.

Was a rocky road, and i'm leaving out a lot of personal details here, but I can understand what he is feeling and his resistance. At the same time however, it's his responsibility to "man up" and deal with it sooner rather than later.

With that said, i'm gonna go have myself a good father's day weekend. Good luck OP
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Old 06-19-2015, 11:20 AM
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,330 posts, read 1,978,305 times
Reputation: 10245
Just noticed the date on this thread...wonder what ever happened???
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