Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So my dearest friend is helping raise her 11 year old granddaughter. Her adult son is a single, custodial Dad and he leases a condo in the same community where my (retired) friend lives. Its a good situation. The girl is very sweet and Dad drives her to school, my friend picks her up after school and either brings her home or takes her to her after school activities (scouts, gymnastics, etc.). Its a good arrangement except the child is given lots of high calorie treats and meals. When they go out to eat, since this kid has been about 4 years old, the girl's food is ordered from the adult menu and this child eats the entire entree. Now, this sweet girl is being teased about being overweight by the "mean girls." My friend has always been very protective of her granddaughter and on the few occasions when "Gina's" weight have come up as topics my friend refers to the child as a bit pudgy and with "toddler chub."
Today when my friend told me about her recent incident of complaining to the school principal over the other girls' comments I did imply that this is a good opportunity to help Gina address her body image and come up with a plan to shed some of the weight. This girl is about 20 lbs overweight. My friend says she's 5-10 lbs. over and they should just be mindful of eating healthy. I was encouraging they actually come up with a plan, and chart the progress.
Any suggestions to help my friend with helping her g-kid? Ok, my friend is also overweight and has been chubby all her life and she's afraid Gina would become anorexic if they focus on dieting or charting weight in a structured fashion.
I doubt she will become anorexic but the sad truth is that unhealthy eating habits are hard to break, especially since this is all "Gina" has been accoustomed to. French fries and soda taste a lot better than steamed broccoli and water.
My advise is to start eliminating junk food and sodas in the home. If you can substitute veggies where fries would be, and water where soda or juice would be and have exercise as part of the routine (like playng outside, running around, etc) I bet the kid will lose the weight rather quickly. Half the battle is lifestyle change, but her daddy has to set the example and eat the same stuff himself.
I would tread carefully so as to not offend. Perhaps you could invite your friend and the granddaughter to start exercising with you. Maybe pick a regular night or two a week to walk a local track or trail, or sign up for a Saturday morning exercise class. Something simple like that would be a great start.
I agree with the above suggestions, and would like to add that an approach I used with my son was to maintain his weight rather than try to lose any weight, as he would grow taller and "even out".
I would tread carefully so as to not offend. Perhaps you could invite your friend and the granddaughter to start exercising with you. Maybe pick a regular night or two a week to walk a local track or trail, or sign up for a Saturday morning exercise class. Something simple like that would be a great start.
You can even approach it as "getting more fresh air" and "extra recess time" as most schools have cut down on recess and gym time to fit in more academics.
At 11 I'm guessing that the granddaughter is in elementary school. I hate to be a pessimist but if she is"being teased by mean girls" now, whatever behavior she considers "teasing" probably will double or triple in amount and greatly increase in intensity once everyone hits middle school. And, it also become much harder for schools to "catch and prevent" in MS verses in elementary school. So, now would be a great time to cut down on sugary sodas and treats and bump up the exercise.
All very good suggestions, but this child has no connection to the OP. The child in question is the granddaughter of her friend.
All good thoughts and ideas aside, the OP has no control over anything in this child's life. Evidently the friend has no intention of listening to any suggestions or help from either friends or the school.
Basically there is nothing the OP can do. To continually harp on it, will be a major turn off and will only make her friend become more defensive.
Might be better to work on the young herself. Perhaps the suggestion that when she tires of being called names, she can go to the OP for help on how prevent the name calling. This is one of those situations where I think the young child is going to have to want to change. Her grandmother is in a dream world and of no use.
And you're all right- if it's starting now, it will be a disaster when this child gets to middle / senior high school.
It's not a good idea to put an 11 year old on a weight-reducing diet. Her grandma should provide opportunities for exercise...swimming or bicycling would be good choices...and possibly offer healthier snack choices, but with the goal of maintaining weight rather than losing weight. At 11, she's still going to grow a few inches and her body will fill out in different ways, so she can grow into her weight.
You should only suggest this to the grandma if she asks for advice, though.
And keep in mind also that junior-high kids are mean. If they want to make fun of somebody, they find a reason, whether it's weight, hair, clothes, pimples, breasts or lack of breasts, etc. If she did lose 20 lbs, they'd just find another reason to pick on her until she learns to ignore it or stand up for herself.
It's not a good idea to put an 11 year old on a weight-reducing diet. Her grandma should provide opportunities for exercise...swimming or bicycling would be good choices...and possibly offer healthier snack choices, but with the goal of maintaining weight rather than losing weight. At 11, she's still going to grow a few inches and her body will fill out in different ways, so she can grow into her weight.
You should only suggest this to the grandma if she asks for advice, though.
And keep in mind also that junior-high kids are mean. If they want to make fun of somebody, they find a reason, whether it's weight, hair, clothes, pimples, breasts or lack of breasts, etc. If she did lose 20 lbs, they'd just find another reason to pick on her until she learns to ignore it or stand up for herself.
Good point about kids' hazing other kids for so many things. I will mention this to her, too, so she can share that with her gkid. Maybe will make her feel a bit less alone in the spotlight of targeted meanness. My own gkid tends to be in the mean girl mode, tho she's a bit younger. I am glad she doesn't seem to be a kid who will suffer the nastiness but I sure am working on helping her understand empathy.
It's not a good idea to put an 11 year old on a weight-reducing diet. Her grandma should provide opportunities for exercise...swimming or bicycling would be good choices...and possibly offer healthier snack choices, but with the goal of maintaining weight rather than losing weight. At 11, she's still going to grow a few inches and her body will fill out in different ways, so she can grow into her weight.
You should only suggest this to the grandma if she asks for advice, though.
And keep in mind also that junior-high kids are mean. If they want to make fun of somebody, they find a reason, whether it's weight, hair, clothes, pimples, breasts or lack of breasts, etc. If she did lose 20 lbs, they'd just find another reason to pick on her until she learns to ignore it or stand up for herself.
Great advice!
I agree about not putting her on a diet. I have experience here as the mom of a chubby girl. We have spoken with her pediatrician several times and we have been told to just feed her healthy foods and encourage exercise and physical activity but no "diet" and no harping on it or talking about it all the time. I was a chubby pre-teen and my mother made a huge issue out of it, I was even on diet pills for a time! It lead to some unhealthy behaviors on my part like sneaking food, binge eating, etc. Then I hit puberty, and by 13 I was 5'8" and "normal" weight and curvy and it was a non-issue. Well, until I had kids but that's another thread.
Our 10 year old girl has heard mean things about being chubby. My 15 year old boy has heard mean things about being skinny (and he was also chubby at the pre-teen stage). Then, my poor oldest son (now 20) had a hard time because he started getting facial hair at 10 or 11. Ya can't win because other kids are going to find something, it's a sad fact.
I totally agree with Grandma providing opportunities for fun exercise. Maybe if the child is interested, Grandma could offer to pay for an activity like soccer, gymnastics, dance class..?
Our daughter is not on any kind of strict diet but we DO keep the snacks to healthy options, no soda except for a treat, lots of fruit and veggies, and we involve her in cooking so she is much more eager to eat a home cooked healthy meal that she was part of creating.
Want to keep her as a friend,stay out of it.She knows the kid is obese and prefers to allow it to continue.I found this out the hard way with my friend.She got mad at me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It lead to some unhealthy behaviors on my part like sneaking food, binge eating, etc. Then I hit puberty, and by 13 I was 5'8" and "normal" weight and curvy and it was a non-issue. Well, until I had kids but that's another thread. 
