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I get what you guys are saying. However, even when my husband ask them for anything they say no to him as well. However, no matter what my sister-in-laws ask they are there. Even for Christmas my son was upset because his cousin got a bunch of gifts and he got only one. My parents always made sure everything is even between us and my siblings kids. I also find my parents are offended when i don't spend holidays with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Sorry to be sarcastic but how old are your parents?
Even most preschoolers realize that to be fair everyone needs to take turns.
Or do your parents expect you to spend the holidays with them and your husband to spend the holidays with his parents and your children to go to a homeless shelter?
Quote:
Originally Posted by quakerchick
None of the grandparents want to hear that the kids wont be with them my parents and his parents.
I was obviously being silly and sarcastic, but I wanted to illustrate my point. Of course, the grandparents want to see their grandchildren.
Although, my husband and I never had any problems with our parents "sharing" holidays (my parents lived a 4 hour drive away and DH's parents lived a 1,000 mile plane ride away) I know many couples who had problems. Some of the grandparents were absolute bullies about it so please be careful about why and how you and DH make the decisions that you make about who to visit. Don't let either set of parents bully you into a poor decision.
I think you and your husband just have to work out what seems fair to the two of you, and then explain to both sets of parents that this is what you have decided to do going forward.
I agree with those who said to separate the 2 things. Split holidays evenly. Do you part to keep things fair. If one set of grandparents is more hands-on, your kids will figure it out on their own.
I get what you guys are saying. However, even when my husband ask them for anything they say no to him as well. However, no matter what my sister-in-laws ask they are there. Even for Christmas my son was upset because his cousin got a bunch of gifts and he got only one. My parents always made sure everything is even between us and my siblings kids. I also find my parents are offended when i don't spend holidays with them.
That's pretty selfish. They need to understand that you have 2 families now.
Half wrong. Your parents should have your priority and your husbands parents should have his. YOUR parents raised YOU not his and HIS parents raised HIM not yours so I hope that helped. Im not saying ignore your in laws but your paents should come first to you whoever you are.
Half wrong. Your parents should have your priority and your husbands parents should have his. YOUR parents raised YOU not his and HIS parents raised HIM not yours so I hope that helped. Im not saying ignore your in laws but your paents should come first to you whoever you are.
Oh, good gracious. This attitude will get you nothing but trouble. I think we naturally favor our own parents, but to have this as a stated attitude is wrong. What I take from your post is that the husband would be the advocate for his parents and their expectations, and the wife is the same for her parents. What a bunch of arguing that would result in.
It is better to try to make sure that everybody gets time together, especially if kids are involved. I feel that these issues should be approached from the standpoint of reasonability and practicality. If the in-laws aren't around by choice, and seem to resist efforts to include them, then you just have to accept this. People will make choices. But assuming that the parents take on their parents as their "clients" in their own marriage is just too much. Both parents need to be able to see the point of view of both grandparents, if at all possible, for the peace in the marriage and the benefit of the kids.
When my DH (first) were together, we split holidays. After an acrimonious (?) divorce and his subsequent death, I took my children to the in-laws on certain holidays, dropped them off and picked them up afterwards. After a couple of years, they began asking me to stay. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. Some years, we stayed at home, some years we spent it with my parents. It all works out if you
stay calm and use good judgement. Trust me, it will.
By the way, did I resent their attitude after my ex passed away ? You betcha, but I didn't make a big deal of it and believe me, there were some bad feelings.
I have a son and my parents are always there for my husband and I. Anytime i need help she there if she believes im stressed shes there. I never have to ask. However, if i call my in-laws they are always busy going somewhere. I also believe they play favoritism with my sister in-laws kids. When Christmas or thanksgiving comes around they want us there. I think my parents have priority. Am i wrong?
Yes, I believe this is the wrong hill to die on. I think it's unfair to ask them to "buy" holiday privileges through free babysitting for you. Both sets of grandparents should be treated equally. What we do is spend Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas with the other. You can alternate who gets which one every other year. Trying to see both for every holiday will make you crazy and you want your children to have good memories of the holidays, not just always being in a car rushed from this place to that.
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