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Old 06-26-2013, 01:57 PM
9,592 posts, read 7,476,258 times
Reputation: 25437


Good lord, my mother never told my grandparents everything I wanted. They told them the gifts they weren't going to buy me themselves so there was no duplication. It wasn't deceit or a power play or some sort of psychological "cloak and dagger" - it was common freakin' sense. If my grandparents wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas (rather than what they should buy me), they would ask ME, actually. We would have, you know, a conversation. And if they wanted to know what they should buy me, they'd talk to my parents.

OP, if this is something you want to make a stand on, well, that's your right Moderator Cut.

Last edited by Jaded; 06-27-2013 at 01:05 AM.. Reason: Argumentative
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:09 PM
11,245 posts, read 15,733,677 times
Reputation: 11043
Originally Posted by nolij4 View Post
I was just reacting to all the people in this thread who have said "yes, parents get first dibs on the big gifts, too bad"

There is no excuse for deliberately lying about what the kids want

no excuse whatsoever
Why can't you ask the kids what they want and then ask your daughter what she is getting? You can avoid the drama by just asking the kids first.
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:14 PM
Location: Colorado
4,303 posts, read 9,559,653 times
Reputation: 4309
Originally Posted by nolij4 View Post
I am going to have a little chat with my daughter. The chat is going to go like this:

"Why do you feel the need to lie to my face when I ask you what the children want or Christmas?"
Yes, I'm sure verbally attacking your own child, calling her names and accusing her will work out brilliantly for you. I've got a feeling the conversation is going to go something like:

"Mom, mind your own #$@!ing business! And don't ever talk to me again."
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:21 PM
9,592 posts, read 7,476,258 times
Reputation: 25437
Yo, OP, not for nothing, but you might want to take a long look at this thread. You came here for advice and opinions. Presumably you think the collective knowledge here is worth something. It's overwhelmingly of the opinion that you have gone down an unhealthy path. Perhaps that is a useful nugget of information you should take into consideration.
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:24 PM
2,720 posts, read 1,500,288 times
Reputation: 7937
Are you sure these arent your kids? You're sure acting like it. Back off before you lose any rights to those grandkids at all. THEIR kids, their rules. Period.

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Old 06-26-2013, 03:31 PM
10,003 posts, read 11,375,768 times
Reputation: 17686
I'm old, but I used to get crocheted slippers and embroidered pillow cases as gifts from my grandmothers and I loved both the gifts and the grandma's. I still have a dime store (now it would be a dollar store) resin cat my grandmother gave me when she was in her 80's and I was in my 20's. I love it because she gave it to me.

So, OP, like everyone is saying, the gift isn't all that important. If you love your grandchildren, act like it and they'll be happy with whatever you give them.
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Old 06-26-2013, 03:56 PM
Location: Forty Fort
5,218 posts, read 5,145,266 times
Reputation: 12998
I have found that it's often best to ignore what my children say the grandkids Need or Want. Just watch what they play with or wear the most. Find out what the children are interested in and you'll get some ideas.

This past Christmas, I gave a 7 y.o. a pair of silver boots. The kid has a shoe fetish and I knew she'd love 'em. Her sister, 11 y.o., got a pretty hat box with an I.O.U. inside. It was a promise to buy her first pair of Pointe shoes for ballet. (I bought the shoes last month - they were $80.00+ dollars!!)

Once they get to be teens, it's Cash, Babycakes. Teens have their own interests that only last about 20 minutes and then they move on, so what they said they wanted on December 1st. is soooo over by the 25th.

If the OP has been having this on-going problem with her daughter, perhaps she could re-think the whole gift idea and just take the kiddos to the Dollar Parlor and let them pick out $20.00 worth of "stuff". I guarantee, it will be one of the best memories they'll have. (And all that "crap" will drive her daughter nuts.)
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:10 PM
Location: Bloomington IN
3,466 posts, read 4,468,617 times
Reputation: 6493
Spoken like a REAL grandmother theatergypsy
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:22 PM
9,592 posts, read 7,476,258 times
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Great post!

My grandfather died when I was 4, and my most vivid memory of him is when he taught me to ride my bicycle. Those are special memories, I have no recollection of gifts he may have given me.
This is true. I couldn't tell you what my grandparents bought me, but I remember my grandmother teaching me to make paprikash and spaetzle. One of my earliest memories is me and two of my cousins trailing after my grandfather like baby ducks in his garden. He would make a furrow in the dirt and we would put the seeds in at the indicated intervals. A few months later, we ate the corn when it came up. Priceless.
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:22 PM
2,479 posts, read 2,026,307 times
Reputation: 1333
When the kids are old enough, just ask them what they want directly. Then you can pull the power trip and get the fancy gift. LOL. When your daughter looks at you in shock when you have the gift that he/she wanted, just poke out your tongue.

Originally Posted by nolij4 View Post
And this is not about what you think. This is not about me wanting to give gifts that are unwanted or inappropriate. That's not what I am asking.

What is happening is that my daughter deliberately does not tell me what my grandkids want, so that she can get them the gift. In other words, if my grandkids want iPads and have iPads at the top of their Xmas list, I am not allowed to buy that, only the parents are. I am only allowed to buy the gifts that they want less, like pajamas or a board game.

I will ask my daughter, "Oh what does Cindy want for Xmas." Her reply is "Oh get her shorts, she needs shorts". Meanwhile what Cindy really wants is Legos and my daughter goes and gets her all the Legos in the whole store.

Methinks this is some kind of power trip coming from the parents. I find this disturbing.
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