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We (as the parents) would get the "big ticket" gift, but I always told my mom what we were getting so she could get other items that went with it. (We bought the 3DS, but she gave a couple games and a case for it).
It can be a joint effort.
What has happened with your daughter that she would have a power trip against you like that?
It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
Sounds like your daughter is being too nice to you.
If you knew what was at the top of the list, and that your daughter was buying those items for the kids what would your response be?
It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get because I am their mother. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
The phrase "first-world problems" comes to mind right about now.
I am amazed that most of you don't think this deceit is wrong. I guess deceitfulness is just a part of your parenting these days?
Incidentally it's only my younger daughter who does this. My other daughter does not engage in these kinds of games. Nor do my husband's children from his first marriage.
With my other daughter the conversation goes like this:
"What does Jacob want for Xmas"
"Oh he wants an iPad" she replies
"Are you getting him that?"
"Yeah probably, but if you want to get it thats fine. Whatever" she replies
"No thats OK, I'll get him the train set"
"ok sounds good" she replies
Why is there a difference between "They need new pajamas" and "They want an iPad, so that's what we're getting them. They do need new pajamas, though, if you'd like to get them some."?
How about instead of asking what the child wants (which isn't getting you the response that you want), ask, "What are you buying for Johnny?" That way they will hopefully tell you what they plan on purchasing and you can still decide on what you want to get the child.
I am amazed that most of you don't think this deceit is wrong. I guess deceitfulness is just a part of your parenting these days?
Incidentally it's only my younger daughter who does this. My other daughter does not engage in these kinds of games. Nor do my husband's children from his first marriage.
With my other daughter the conversation goes like this:
"What does Jacob want for Xmas"
"Oh he wants an iPad" she replies
"Are you getting him that?"
"Yeah probably, but if you want to get it thats fine. Whatever" she replies
"No thats OK, I'll get him the train set"
"ok sounds good" she replies
Really? You want to tell your daughter how to converse? I would bet a dollar she is glad to be rid of you.
I am amazed that most of you don't think this deceit is wrong. I guess deceitfulness is just a part of your parenting these days?
Incidentally it's only my younger daughter who does this. My other daughter does not engage in these kinds of games. Nor do my husband's children from his first marriage.
With my other daughter the conversation goes like this:
"What does Jacob want for Xmas"
"Oh he wants an iPad" she replies
"Are you getting him that?"
"Yeah probably, but if you want to get it thats fine. Whatever" she replies
"No thats OK, I'll get him the train set"
"ok sounds good" she replies
Good grief. Buy the kids some pajamas and get the hell on with your life.
I am amazed that most of you don't think this deceit is wrong. I guess deceitfulness is just a part of your parenting these days?
Yes, there's quite a detailed chapter on it in "What To Expect When You're Expecting".
Quote:
Originally Posted by nolij4
Incidentally it's only my younger daughter who does this. My other daughter does not engage in these kinds of games. Nor do my husband's children from his first marriage.
With my other daughter the conversation goes like this:
"What does Jacob want for Xmas"
"Oh he wants an iPad" she replies
"Are you getting him that?"
"Yeah probably, but if you want to get it thats fine. Whatever" she replies
"No thats OK, I'll get him the train set"
"ok sounds good" she replies
"I'd love to buy Jacob pajamas for Christmas. What sport/tv show/characters does he like now? By the way I'd like to buy him something special to go along with the pajamas, what do you think he would like?"
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