Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My in-laws frequently went against our wishes and bought our children things that we expressly did not want them to have. The biggest issue was when they bought our daughter a TV for her room despite our rule against having TVs in the bedroom. The most frequent issue was when my mother-in-law would buy clothing for our daughter that we thought was inappropriate. I am very conservative about some things and believe that women should cover their shoulders inchurch. Her grandmother was consistently buying her outfits for church that were one-shoulder or strapless. It did not help matters to argue with them about it, but it definitely tinged my relationship with my in-laws.
Have you tried asking your daughter why she is reluctant to let you get what they want? There may be more to the story than just a power struggle with you. In any case, they are her children, not yours, and you should respect that boundary.
If we had a family rule against TVs in the bedroom (oh wait, we dohave that rule) and someone bought our child a TV for their bedroom not only would we be angry but it would stay in the box as our child would never be able to use it. Our house, our rules.
If the grandparents let our child watch TV at their house in a bedroom that would be different. My husband and I wouldn't be happy but would understand that it would only be for a brief period of time.
Just so you know, you don't have to be "very conservative" to want your daughter to cover her shoulders in church. Buying strapless or one shoulder outfits to wear to church, that is really crazy. Who does that?
There are many beautiful clothes that are appropriate for church, I suspect that your in-laws were doing that deliberately to make you angry or to get your child angry at you or to try to prove a point (that your rules were wrong).
And this is not about what you think. This is not about me wanting to give gifts that are unwanted or inappropriate. That's not what I am asking.
What is happening is that my daughter deliberately does not tell me what my grandkids want, so that she can get them the gift. In other words, if my grandkids want iPads and have iPads at the top of their Xmas list, I am not allowed to buy that, only the parents are. I am only allowed to buy the gifts that they want less, like pajamas or a board game.
I will ask my daughter, "Oh what does Cindy want for Xmas." Her reply is "Oh get her shorts, she needs shorts". Meanwhile what Cindy really wants is Legos and my daughter goes and gets her all the Legos in the whole store.
Methinks this is some kind of power trip coming from the parents. I find this disturbing.
This is a very normal thing for parents to do and I don't get what is hard to understand about this. Parents want to buy their children what they want most because they are the parents and want to please their kids. Most children have a whole list of things they want, so there should be at least a few things to choose from. I have done this with my children their whole lives. I get them what they want most and if anyone wants to know what they want I give them ideas from what I am not going to buy.
This does not seem complex to me. They are the parents. You are not the parents.
What we usually did once we had a list is we removed the things we were planning to get them. Our parents generally woudl call us if they were planning on getting something significant to make sure we were not getting it or they did not already have it. Sometimes we did dictate gifts. We sent out notes like 'Please no more toys, especially no more legos and stuffed animals. If yo want to get them gifts, clothing and books are great. They have too many toys"
In my opinion if someone asks you "What do the kids want for Christmas?" and you tell them "Pajamas" when you know that what they really want is an iPad or Legos or what have you, THEN THAT IS CALLED LYING.
Also known as being deceitful, disingenuous, duplicitous, etc.
But if people want to call it "parenting", that's just the society we have created today.
This is a very normal thing for parents to do and I don't get what is hard to understand about this. Parents want to buy their children what they want most because they are the parents and want to please their kids. Most children have a whole list of things they want, so there should be at least a few things to choose from. I have done this with my children their whole lives. I get them what they want most and if anyone wants to know what they want I give them ideas from what I am not going to buy.
I agree.
Now, how many kids have pajamas on their wish list? The OP's point is her daughter is telling her to get something the kids need (actually, what the kdis' mom would buy any old day of the year), not what they want and what they would enjoy receiving. Let's face it, the kid opens a Xmas present with pajamas in it, and just how sparkly are those eyes going to be? And watch how quickly that gift is tossed aside for the next one.
But the OP said that what she finds bothersome is the deceit. A lie of omission is still a lie.
I see a lot of justifications here for being dishonest, and I can't imagine that kids won't pick up on these kinds of things.
Not a good lesson to teach.
In my opinion if someone asks you "What do the kids want for Christmas?" and you tell them "Pajamas" when you know that what they really want is an iPad or Legos or what have you, THEN THAT IS CALLED LYING.
Also known as being deceitful, disingenuous, duplicitous, etc.
But if people want to call it "parenting", that's just the society we have created today.
and what happens when the kid ends up with 3 ipads/
to give the grand parents some items from the list and not all items is not lying. i can't believe this is even an issue. the grand parents are not owed a full and all-inclusive list.
And why the hell would anyone be wringing their hands about this in June?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
