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Old 08-19-2013, 07:55 AM
 
173 posts, read 416,984 times
Reputation: 148

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Let me introduce myself, I am forty four years old, grandma to one, mother to four adult children ages 17 through 29. I had my oldest when I was only 15 years old myself...before that of course I lived at home with my mother and yada yada, I did the whole taking care of baby brother while mom worked thing etc, etc.

I also have taken care of several other young children of relatives over the years and...occasionally taken care of and or babysat kids for other friends.

Bringing my whole taking care of children life story up to current day...I am single, happy, ecstatic about my life, happy to have raised my kids...and happy that I am now done raising them...I am looking forward to see what else good the Lord has in store for me.

My question is this...

Why do people seem to think I want to be around kids all the time?
Wherever I go...no one ever sees me with kids...mine are all grown up now, so they sure don't tag along with me and even if they did they are adults...

so why do people seem to think I want to be around kids...why do they seem enjoy being around kids, don't mind being around kids, want to babysit kids or do anything with kids.

I hope I am being clear, I spent thirty years raising MY OWN kids and much of my life and energy in some way caring for OTHER'S kids beginning at the age of 11...bear in mind as I stated earlier I am only forty four years old.

That being said, would it not stand to reason that I might be a little...maybe...just a tad bit...TIRED of taking care of kids.

If I go someplace alone and didn't bring any kids with me, does it not stand to reason maybe that's because I didn't want any kids with me...

so I most likely don't want to be seated next to any kids...or seated at a dinner table with them...

while THEIR parents sit several seats away peacefully...blissfully enjoying THEIR meals and and wonderful conversations while not having THEIR plates reached over by kids, while not helping kids put chicken legs on their plates, or forcing a smile as they ask them...”which piece do you want, honey?” Nooooo, that's what I am doing, while I am seated next to the little darlings...

I mean didn't raising my own kids to adulthood free me from these things...I realize since I started my family at such a very young age...I started my actual single adult and child free life a bit later than most.....sort of in reverse I guess...

But AM I wearing a rent a parent sign...or...Loves kids forever button...or do I have a (No empty nest) tee-shirt on?

I mean what gives?

Really...
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Old 08-19-2013, 09:56 AM
 
Location: NC
720 posts, read 1,480,390 times
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Your post made me smile. Having spent the last 35 years raising kids and grandkids, I hear you---and let me see if I can phrase this the way I want . There is a view that women forever want to spend their lives being nurturers and a "good grandma" devotes her time to babysitting and helping out with the grandkids (nieces, nephews etc).It's expected of you.
To break out of that mold takes some speaking out and will probably generate some negativity (what!! she wants a life of her own? she should WANT to be the perpetual child care-giver) because you'll be putting the responsibility back where it belongs. It's YOUR time to eat food while it's hot, and have adult conversation.
You must be very good with the kids, maybe people are assuming you prefer this role (my mother-in-law was like that) .
They won't like it, you're making their life easier, but you have to let them know you're ready for the"grown-ups" table!
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,884 posts, read 17,196,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poodlecamper View Post
Your post made me smile. Having spent the last 35 years raising kids and grandkids, I hear you---and let me see if I can phrase this the way I want . There is a view that women forever want to spend their lives being nurturers and a "good grandma" devotes her time to babysitting and helping out with the grandkids (nieces, nephews etc).It's expected of you.
To break out of that mold takes some speaking out and will probably generate some negativity (what!! she wants a life of her own? she should WANT to be the perpetual child care-giver) because you'll be putting the responsibility back where it belongs. It's YOUR time to eat food while it's hot, and have adult conversation.
You must be very good with the kids, maybe people are assuming you prefer this role (my mother-in-law was like that) .
They won't like it, you're making their life easier, but you have to let them know you're ready for the"grown-ups" table!
That has happened to me a few times (I'm a retired early childhood special ed teacher). I just politely say "There must be a seating mix-up, Joanie, sit here right next to your daughter." And, I'll think to myself "And, I'll sit over there with the fun loving childless people."

Sometimes, I have just gotten up and walked away from the child (after saying Good bye to him/her) if the parents are nearby or walk the child right over to the parent and saying, "Your Little Sweetheart needs your help/attention/diaper changed/etc." Or I'll read one story book then give another book to the child and say "Tell Daddy it is his turn to read to you."

If you don't say anything the problem may get worse and worse.

Good luck & be firm!

Last edited by germaine2626; 08-19-2013 at 04:48 PM..
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:16 PM
 
173 posts, read 416,984 times
Reputation: 148
Default You get it!

And also I think because possibly I do not "look" the age of the "stereotypical" grandmother, because I started my family so early, people do not look at me and SEE a woman that could be past the stage in life of knowing every G-rated movie, the names of all the characters in finding Nemo, when school starts, when school ends, what hours school is in session, how does one enroll their child into extend-a-care etc, etc.

And then when I tell them I have no idea about school, after school care, or anything like that...because my kids are grown and those things are not a part of my life anymore...they absolutely cannot believe that even with all my kids being grown now that there is any possible way that there could be absolutely no care, or concern, or knowledge on my part of the day to day goings on of the grade school down the street.

They simply cannot believe that I do not way, way....way deep down on the inside of me....where surely I truly live...have a deep, abiding and everlasting love for children...and that there could be nothing else I could possibly want to do more------Caring for children, must be my calling in life!!! Along with cooking, cooking, cooking and oh yeah....cooking. (I am a woman so I gotta love cooking! Right?) But that's another subject. :;

No matter all the years I have already spent raising and taking care of kids. Why...how could I possibly want my own autonomy...to be my own person...whoever I am without anymore children to raise...I have just begun to be reacquainted with childless and single me and I am just beginning to learn who I am...post childrearing.


And yet without meaning to...people would deny me this one thing I must have (autonomy).

I wonder if men have a similar experience.
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Old 08-23-2013, 09:37 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,977,838 times
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What is it that people are doing that makes you think that they think you want to be around kids? Do you think it could just be that your friends have kids now, and that's where they are in life, so their kids are with them all the time?
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Old 08-24-2013, 10:04 PM
 
173 posts, read 416,984 times
Reputation: 148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What is it that people are doing that makes you think that they think you want to be around kids? Do you think it could just be that your friends have kids now, and that's where they are in life, so their kids are with them all the time?

Most of the women I know that are my age have teens like I do. Not very many have younger kids than 17 or 18. Some of them enjoy taking care of younger children and spending time with them and I think they just assume that I would feel the same way, but I don't.

I love to laugh and smile, I love to do so many things with my family and my loved ones, I think people expect me to be just as easy going and open to spending time with children as I am with the adults in my life.



But I will from now on, very nicely tell them how I feel.
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Old 08-25-2013, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,664 posts, read 41,395,027 times
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Who are you going out with that seats their own children next to you as a de facto babysitter at the restaurant?
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Old 08-26-2013, 04:46 PM
 
173 posts, read 416,984 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Who are you going out with that seats their own children next to you as a de facto babysitter at the restaurant?

I am speaking of being invited to dinner in someone's home, where the seating has been prearranged by the hostess.
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Old 08-26-2013, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,884 posts, read 17,196,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvlee View Post
I am speaking of being invited to dinner in someone's home, where the seating has been prearranged by the hostess.
Oops! The hostess "accidently" seated you next to a child, who is not your child, so you sadly need to be moved someplace else.

Just asked to be moved.
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Old 08-26-2013, 08:11 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,977,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvlee View Post
I am speaking of being invited to dinner in someone's home, where the seating has been prearranged by the hostess.
IMO it is odd to have a dinner party where kids and adults are seated together at all.
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