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Old 03-11-2014, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Savannah GA/Lk Hopatcong NJ
13,098 posts, read 24,822,863 times
Reputation: 11131

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I don't see how accepting what has already happened is the same as "encouraging" it. And why are some posters assuming all out of wedlock children are born to teens? Hardly.
Kibbie I agree. Many professional women want children with out what they see as the headache of marriage.

I can't believe it's 2014 and this question is even being asked.

In the case of "young" unwed parents you do what you need to do to be close to your grandchildren and hope the parents learned a lesson and stopped at one child
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Old 03-11-2014, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,217,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Having a child out of wedlock statistically reduces the possibility of ever marrying.
Did your husband not have a child out of wedlock, a child that you/he are estranged from? I find your hard-line position on this topic curious considering your life experience with it.

Last edited by Jaded; 03-15-2014 at 02:39 PM.. Reason: Removed deleted post
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,984,374 times
Reputation: 32387
Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
Whether they are born to teens or older women, one key fact is that a very high percentage of these births are paid for by medicaid. That is "welfare". There are hospitals in some locations where 70% to 80% of the births are paid for by medicaid. Its not fair to the public and its not fair to children who are born in such circumstances.
I'll ask again... how is accepting what has already happened encouraging it? If my 20 or 30 something year old son or daughter has a child out of wedlock, I will love that child like any other grand child. That doesn't mean I actively encouraged my kid to go have a child without a spouse. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Or teen for that matter. I wouldn't encourage it, but I wouldn't shun them if it happened. See the difference?

Last edited by Jaded; 03-15-2014 at 02:39 PM..
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Old 03-12-2014, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,765,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
Sheena, please share with us any data you have whatsoever, on pedophiles being especially attracted to unwed mothers with children?!? I would love to see the details of that study!
I do not know of any studies. But stop and think about it.
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:26 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,984,374 times
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I think we're talking about 2 different things. the op is about out of wedlock grand children. i would 'accept' my out of wedlock grand child like any other grand child. no one said the kid was on welfare or the parents were teens. you assume all of that. the thread is not about how to reduce teen pregnancies. it is about how to treat grand children whose parents are not married. if i accept a grand child born out of wedlock that doesn't mean i encouraged it before it happened.

Last edited by Jaded; 03-15-2014 at 02:40 PM..
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:30 PM
 
9,140 posts, read 9,220,068 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I'll ask again... how is accepting what has already happened encouraging it? If my 20 or 30 something year old son or daughter has a child out of wedlock, I will love that child like any other grand child. That doesn't mean I actively encouraged my kid to go have a child without a spouse. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Or teen for that matter. I wouldn't encourage it, but I wouldn't shun them if it happened. See the difference?
Was that grandchild's prenatal care and delivery paid for by medicaid? Did you offer to step in and pay those expenses? Before the child was born did you ever attempt to talk to your child about placing the grandchild for adoption?

Acceptance in this case isn't something you do on one day. A pregnancy last nine months and a grandparent is aware of it for most of that time.
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,984,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
Was that grandchild's prenatal care and delivery paid for by medicaid? Did you offer to step in and pay those expenses? Before the child was born did you ever attempt to talk to your child about placing the grandchild for adoption?

Acceptance in this case isn't something you do on one day. A pregnancy last nine months and a grandparent is aware of it for most of that time.
why is no one capable of distinguishing between accepting and encouraging? and why are you asking me? i'm not the op and my oldest child is a pre-teen. apparently this discussion is over the heads of several people. i don't have time to attempt to explain it again.
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Old 03-12-2014, 09:55 PM
 
9,969 posts, read 6,265,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guineas View Post
It seems like our society is becoming more and more permissive of having children outside of marriage. For mothers under 30 years old, over 50% of children are now born outside of marriage. What used to be mainly a "minority problem" is now affecting much of the country. We all know the dreadful statistics for those children born outside of marriage: more likely to stay or fall into the lower socioeconomic classes, more likely to have fractured families, more like to perform poorly in school or go into crime.

How should the grandparents who raised their own children under marriage approach this? Many just shrug it off as a sign of the times and try to be supportive. But is it really that inevitable? Among the rich (non-celebrity) and upper middle class, the out of wedlock birth rate is still very low. It's almost like the lower and middle classes are self-destructing and easy-going attitudes of tolerance from the grandparents may in fact be worsening the situation.

How do you not approve and yet be supportive so you don't lose your children and grandchildren?
Like it or not, things are just different these days. I'm seriously wondering if my adult children are ever going to get married and have kids. At this point, if one of them turned up being a single parent, I'd take it in a heart beat .
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
2,748 posts, read 3,323,635 times
Reputation: 6467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Did your husband not have a child out of wedlock, a child that you/he are estranged from? I find your hard-line position on this topic curious considering your life experience with it.

No. I did not have a child out of wedlock. I was married once before and had a son. He lives on the West Coast and we are not in contact. He's in his mid 20s and he's in touch with his mother's side of the family. They are very ethnic and he identifies with their strong ethnic ties, and not with our rather lose ones. He also was abusive to our two children when he visited us, making ethnic slurs about my daughter who was adopted from an Asian country, and calling our son "Gay" because he was a virgin at 12.

Many of his friends in HS had out of wedlock children or looked up to that lifestyle.

He stole from us, when we refused to give him money.

He refused our offer of psychotherapy. Our last offer was when he was 19. He wanted money and we said we would help him if he would enter a drug treatment facility. He refused and told me to "F* off".

My position is just as hard line as my wife, sheena12. We have no interest in being out of wedlock grandparents to grandchildren and hosting parades of baby mamas and baby daddies at holiday dinners.

There are legal considerations when having a child. Marriage covers that. So we support planning children within marriage.

I have no problem with older single people adopting or planning a pregnancy. None. Gay or straight.

I have a huge problem with children raising children. Enormous. I see no good coming out of it.
Especially considering the crowd that my son fell into under the care of his mother and her family.
He was just lucky that he didn't get anyone pregnant.

I'm a political liberal and most other progressives hold the same ideas as I do. Education comes first. Parenthood when you are prepared and in a commuted relationship. Usually marriage.

I'm in no rush to be a grandfather. Again, I think this is a class issue. Grandparent hood is not an accomplishment for me.

Thank you for your continued interest in my family, Zimbochick.

Last edited by Jaded; 03-18-2014 at 04:29 PM.. Reason: Language
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Old 03-18-2014, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,217,889 times
Reputation: 14815
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
No. I did not have a child out of wedlock. I was married once before and had a son. He lives on the West Coast and we are not in contact. He's in his mid 20s and he's in touch with his mother's side of the family. They are very ethnic and he identifies with their strong ethnic ties, and not with our rather lose ones. He also was abusive to our two children when he visited us, making ethnic slurs about my daughter who was adopted from an Asian country, and calling our son "Gay" because he was a virgin at 12.

Many of his friends in HS had out of wedlock children or looked up to that lifestyle.

He stole from us, when we refused to give him money.

He refused our offer of psychotherapy. Our last offer was when he was 19. He wanted money and we said we would help him if he would enter a drug treatment facility. He refused and told me to "F* off".

My position is just as hard line as my wife, sheena12. We have no interest in being out of wedlock grandparents to grandchildren and hosting parades of baby mamas and baby daddies at holiday dinners.

There are legal considerations when having a child. Marriage covers that. So we support planning children within marriage.

I have no problem with older single people adopting or planning a pregnancy. None. Gay or straight.

I have a huge problem with children raising children. Enormous. I see no good coming out of it.
Especially considering the crowd that my son fell into under the care of his mother and her family.
He was just lucky that he didn't get anyone pregnant.

I'm a political liberal and most other progressives hold the same ideas as I do. Education comes first. Parenthood when you are prepared and in a commuted relationship. Usually marriage.

I'm in no rush to be a grandfather. Again, I think this is a class issue. Grandparent hood is not an accomplishment for me.

Thank you for your continued interest in my family, Zimbochick.
1) People in glass houses.......

2) If you don't want people knowing or commenting on your family business, then don't post all the gory details for the world to see.

3) Really poor attempt at sarcasm.
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