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Old 08-29-2013, 08:39 AM
 
24 posts, read 61,989 times
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My 3 1/2 yr old Grandbaby has lived with me for most of her life, & 90% of the time since Jan. She & her 1 1/2 yr old brother visit their mom for 2 or 3 days at a time. Each time they come back with suspicious bruises. My son moved here last week from where he was stationed in the Navy. They are currently married because she got on drugs & her drug habit almost bankrupted him while he was deployed (more than $30,000 with nothing to show for it). Started seeing her boyfriend in May of 2012. She left the family Jan 2013 to move in with her boyfriend & my parents (in their '70's) & myself have had the kids the mostly since then. They both have come back each time with bruises, black eye on the baby & handprint bruises on the inside of 3 yr old's thigh & bruise on her temple, etc etc. I have reported each incident to CS, they said they can't do anything because the kids live here. I have suspected sexual abuse in the 3 yr old since this time last year. Last week I asked her again if anyone had ever touched her down there but Mommy, & she said "Yes, ----Mom's boyfriend's name" I asked where she was when he touched her there & she said "In my bed asleep" (When I told the investigator this, he laughed at me & said "If she's asleep, how does she know what happened?"). So the Mom's Mother had the police take her to the hospital 3 weeks ago because she was so strung out on drugs, & it turned out her boyfriend had lied to her about having cancer & really had HIV, & had given her HIV, with 3 illegal drugs in her system. She gave birth to the 1 1/2 yr old addicted to narcotics. So my 3 yr old has been sexually abused for the past year (when I 1st saw bruises down there, but she had been with her Mom's Mom & I couldn't figure who did it, I didn't think the boyfriend would do it because he has a little girl almost the same age as her). She hasn't been tested for HIV yet, I know she has a infection. Investigator took the side of the boyfriend, saying he's a trucker & out of town, so he couldn't have done it. Even though the maternal Grandmother showed him texts where he was threatening to burn all of her clothing & toys (all at the Mom's & his trailer...long story). Stack of police reports from him hitting the Mom, tore the door off the hinges, bashed in the stove, coffee table, & TV. He impersonated my son & stole $1,200 out of his account, I couldn't do anything because the Notary had signed in the wrong place making my Power of Attorney while he was deployed not legal. Now it's been too long to press charges I think, it's a Federal offense.Just trying to think of a way to get him put away. The investigator threatened me "I'm getting a Warrant for your arrest for obstruction & lying if you don't have the child at the PD (JAIL) in 30 min"..no help there. CS said don't give the child back to her? My son's attorney (consulted, not retained) told him he couldn't keep the kids away from her. Of course they won't go back over there over my dead body. I had her for 3 mo without interruption and all of her anger, acting out, sexual behavior, cussing, was ALL gone, she was an angel. When my son got here, she decides 3 yr old is her meal ticket. She got her from her Mother, who swore to me she wouldn't let her take her to that place, but she's a Granny like me & has no legal right. 1st thing when she comes back "mommy said to tell you you're a f***ing B*tch" Filling her head with horrible things like she can't love her mom & me at the same time, which is still causing her anxiety (I wouldn't have let her go anyway). Mom's mother is totally aware that the abuse took place & doesn't doubt my word the child said what I said she said. She just let her take her because she said the boyfriend wasn't there. Bottom line: If there was no form to fill out for Emergency Custody Order (goes before the Judge in 24-48 hrs, I have a file folder on mom-the Navy has found the her unfit, letter from the Landlord saying kids were not being taken care of from the way she left the house, had locked 3 yr old in her room for more than 14 hrs at a time, have photos of the room, photos of the 1 yr old's diaper rash bleeding, reported by a Navy Dr for abusing drugs while pregnant, reported by the Dr who delivered 1 yr old addicted to narcotics, 3 rehabs in the last yr) & the police were worthless & wouldn't do anything, & CS just say don't give them back to her. If you didn't trust the legal system in the county you were in, clearly not the place of MY birth, & you didn't have the $ for any attorney anyway,( I don't want the life of that child in the hands of an attorney), how far would you go to protect your child or Grandchild? She's more like my own child. I don't mention the 1 yr old as much because the mom has no interest in him at all & never has. I have barely slept since she told me I hope this is coherent enough. Anyone's opinion- would you put your child's life in the hand's of a attorney? Would you consider ?????HYPOTHETICALLY, of course. Many thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this & any answers much appreciated. Please don't say "Why didn't you do anything sooner", I've done everything I know, called CS, called the police, called Abuse Hotline, called RN. stay up all night researching the legalities.

Last edited by peacelovehope; 08-29-2013 at 08:49 AM.. Reason: clear
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Old 09-06-2013, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,011 posts, read 17,327,635 times
Reputation: 41281
I am sorry that this is happening to you and your family.

I don't understand why CPS are saying that they can't do anything because the children "are with you". Maybe there is something that you don't understand or are missing? Is the mother or other grandmother accusing YOU of abusing your grandchild or telling CPS that YOU are crazy or on drugs?

The next time the children come to your house with a suspicious bruise, especially one that is hand shaped or in a private area, inner thighs, or some other major concern take the child immediately to a doctor (or the emergency ward). Bring along all of the paperwork/documentation that you have from past injuries. Doctors (and teachers and police officers) are all mandatory reporters of potential child abuse.

Sometimes a doctor calling CPS & the police will have "more weight" than a relative or neighbor.

If it was my grandchild I would keep on trying to get help. If others see things tell them to report it directly. For example, if the landlord calls you and says that Mom has been gone all day and the children are left alone, have him call the police & CPS immediately (don't just drive over & pick up the kids yourself).



Another thing that I would suggest is to just summarize the dates/facts instead of a huge, overwhelming folder of data. This way it would also show a pattern of behavior instead of what someone may view is an isolated incident or a Grandma overreacting.

Take the summary (plus your other data, photographs, paperwork, notes, etc) whenever you take your grandchild to the doctor, social worker, police station, etc.

June 4 to 6, Mary at Mother's house
June 6, 7 PM Mary brought to my house. At 8 PM, during her bath, I noticed a 3 inch by 4 inch hands shaped bruise on her back and three 1 inch circular bruised on her inner thigh. I called CPS.

June 12 to 15, Mary at Mother's house
June 15, 5 PM Mary brought to my house. I immediately noticed Mary rubbing her crotch. Mary said "It hurts. Johnny (Mom's boyfriend) touched me there." I called the police.

Good luck to you.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-06-2013 at 06:35 PM..
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Old 09-07-2013, 04:03 AM
 
24 posts, read 61,989 times
Reputation: 91
Thank you much for answering. I'm sorry it was so long. It was the middle of the night (the only time I can get on the computer because she is so needy) & I am totally overwhelmed. And again it's almost 6am, but I am thinking more clear. I will read your post again to see if I missed any advice.
Yes, the Mother has accused me of doing drugs, etc, but she has zero credibility with any sane person. I am not the one who had doctors in 2 states called on me & gave birth to a drug addicted baby, etc.
The Mom's Mother, however, went to the police station & showed the "investigator" the threat by him to burn the child's clothing & toys (he texted it to her) when he found out she (3 yr old) told, not exactly the actions of a innocent man.
The fact the Maternal Grandmother knows he is dangerous & is willing to go against her daughter's wishes should hold some weight. Her daughter said she would never speak to her again.
But day before yesterday night she was arrested for fighting with her boyfriend's Mother & her boyfriend and they put her in jail and are going to press charges.
So her Mother bailed her out.
I have every single date that the 2 kids went over there, the bruises on both of them, photos of the bruises on the 1 1/2 yr old (black eye, etc).
My Mother has all the dates & bruises recorded as well.
I did not take the 3 yr old to the Dr because 1)there was a problem with transferring the Insurance from FL where they previously resided and 2) I didn't want to re-traumatize her 3) when her Mom found out I was taking her to the Dr, she changed her pediatrician? 4) I don't have the $ to pay out of pocket because I'm sick. My son has to figure that out fast.
At that time I knew something was happening but had no idea who it was. And no one wants to think someone has been touching their baby/Grandbaby from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2! Denial. She suspects something "bad" happened, but she doesn't "know". I wanted a Play Therapist to talk to her & somehow gain her trust (she's very distrustful of what adults tell her directly, at the same time she will walk up to strangers & be overly friendly.) If she confided in the Play Therapist, they would put him in jail. It's doubtful that she is the only child he has abused. I'm very concerned about her being re-traumatized for no reason, most of the time ER Dr's don't want to get involved in these cases because they don't want to go to court, etc. Even though they are required by law to report suspicious bruises. Statistically, 80% are inconclusive, & she's terrified of the Dr. If I had known who did it in order to put a stop to it, I would have taken her.
She shows signs of PTS, very jumpy, over-react's to loud noises (probably due to the fighting), & general hypervigilence. The longer she stays here, the better she gets.
When she comes back from her Mom's with a bruise, she says "It's fine" & runs away. Any other boo boo or mosquito bite has to be kissed & given attention like any other child.
Since the Mother has been kicked out of the boyfriend's house/trailer, I think the worst MAY be over. Except the Mom messes with her head, I've had to tell her for a week that she can love her Mom, Me, & her Daddy and doesn't have to choose one of us. She got REALLY happy when that sunk in.
She is red down there and I'm terrified she has a STD or worse. I can't even think she might have HIV. Her 1 yr old brother has come back absolutely shell-shocked. But she doesn't really care about him & tries to get the 3 yr old as much as possible. My son left the Navy to come back & deal with this, so she can't take the kids while he is here. (According to police possession is 9/10 of the law?)
Things are getting better overall.
But I won't sleep until her medical tests come back. Since I've changed her since birth, & she has very sensitive skin, I know what is normal for her & what is not, & what I saw tonight is not. My Mom blew it off, but she has some kind of infection. Hopefully nothing bad.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my looong message, it's so complicated!!!!! And God Bless you & yours
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Old 09-07-2013, 04:42 AM
 
24 posts, read 61,989 times
Reputation: 91
Because it was so long & I have no idea what I wrote in the first one, I will try to clarify.

Taking the child to the ER with the other documentation is a GREAT idea, thank you very much because when you get so upset it can be difficult to think clearly about every issue!

I did not start this accusation of abuse originally, a Navy Dr. reported her for abusing drugs while pregnant in FL. Then a Dr in GA reported her for abusing drugs while pregnant and giving birth to a baby addicted to narcotics. My 1 1/2 Grandchild was in the Hospital for 10 days & weaned off of opiates. I cut the cord because my son was driving from FL & didn't make it, & he was limp & I knew immediately something was wrong with him. I have his medical records.

I was in GA when I recieved the letter from the Landlord saying due to the state the house was left in she believed the children were "not well cared for" among other things. So I have this in writing. My son was deployed and I am have power of attorney when he is gone. The letter was in regard to the ridiculous amount of money he owed due to her not paying the rent. Nothing to show for all this missing money.

I do have photos of the house the way it was left. She locked the older child in her room for long periods of time, the wallpaper was torn off the wall, drawings by the door where she stayed waiting for her Daddy to come home (it makes me so sad) food on the floor, & blankets full of pee & poo never washed. I have photos of the younger baby with a diaper rash so bad it was bleeding.

I do have a list of the bruises, dates, etc Pretty close to the way you have written it.

Thanks again for helping me to think straight, it's so hard when your emotions are running wild. I generally am a fairly logical person.

I guess what I was really asking is, if CS & the police failed, AND the Justice system failed to keep them away from their mother who was constantly damaging them would you "kidnap" your Grand child before they got HIV or the crazy guy beat them for telling, putting them at risk for dying from being beaten to death or getting HIV at 3? I wouldn't consider it "kidnapping" because I have been with her longer than either of her parents (not Dad's fault, he was deployed doing his job) or anyone else. Totally hypothetical or I wouldn't be saying it. Plus she has extended family that loves her, her Maternal Grandmother and Great-Grandparents, she needs them and I would never keep her away from them.

I guess that's what I meant by how far would you go? Would you risk everything if everything else failed? Thanks again
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Old 09-07-2013, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,011 posts, read 17,327,635 times
Reputation: 41281
I personally believes that the system does work in at least 95% of the situations. If you feel, strongly, that the system is failing your grandchildren then you have to decide if a "life on the run" is in everyone's best interest.

Another thing to try is to see if your granddaughter qualifies for Early Childhood Special Education services. From how you describe it, especially the PTS, it is possible but probably unlikely that she would qualify for services. However, this will be another set of professionals (mandatory reporters of suspected child abuse) who will see, test and interact with your granddaughter. They are trained to notice behavioral & emotional concerns as well as cognitive, physical and speech delays.

It depends on the school system, but in mine, cases of suspected child abuse are taken very seriously and handled very quickly. We had a dramatic case, involving serious abuse a few years ago, where the police were called shortly after school started in the morning, they came within 15 minutes, CPS and the legal system were immediately involved and the children were placed in a foster home and the parents arrested by the end of the school day.

Another possible place to try is a center for abused women. There would be knowledge professionals there who could tell you what you could do in your city. They may know of child advocates to contact or attorneys who handle child abuse cases for free.

Keep on trying. Good luck.
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Old 09-07-2013, 09:27 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,292,750 times
Reputation: 12632
I'm having a hard time understanding all of this. The big question is- where is your son in this mess ?

As a grandparent you have no legal standing. But why is your son, not getting his wife ( even if they are separated) into court with all that documentation of things going on. Why is he is not challenging her for custody, etc. He is the one with legal standing to do that. Why is he not divorcing and attempting to get full custody ? Why is he not the one to be filing complaints with family services.?

If you son is military or x-military can he not use Tri-Care for insurance ?
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Old 09-17-2013, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,904 posts, read 6,115,047 times
Reputation: 6110
Quote:
Originally Posted by peacelovehope View Post
Because it was so long & I have no idea what I wrote in the first one, I will try to clarify.

Taking the child to the ER with the other documentation is a GREAT idea, thank you very much because when you get so upset it can be difficult to think clearly about every issue!

I did not start this accusation of abuse originally, a Navy Dr. reported her for abusing drugs while pregnant in FL. Then a Dr in GA reported her for abusing drugs while pregnant and giving birth to a baby addicted to narcotics. My 1 1/2 Grandchild was in the Hospital for 10 days & weaned off of opiates. I cut the cord because my son was driving from FL & didn't make it, & he was limp & I knew immediately something was wrong with him. I have his medical records.

I was in GA when I recieved the letter from the Landlord saying due to the state the house was left in she believed the children were "not well cared for" among other things. So I have this in writing. My son was deployed and I am have power of attorney when he is gone. The letter was in regard to the ridiculous amount of money he owed due to her not paying the rent. Nothing to show for all this missing money.

I do have photos of the house the way it was left. She locked the older child in her room for long periods of time, the wallpaper was torn off the wall, drawings by the door where she stayed waiting for her Daddy to come home (it makes me so sad) food on the floor, & blankets full of pee & poo never washed. I have photos of the younger baby with a diaper rash so bad it was bleeding.

I do have a list of the bruises, dates, etc Pretty close to the way you have written it.

Thanks again for helping me to think straight, it's so hard when your emotions are running wild. I generally am a fairly logical person.

I guess what I was really asking is, if CS & the police failed, AND the Justice system failed to keep them away from their mother who was constantly damaging them would you "kidnap" your Grand child before they got HIV or the crazy guy beat them for telling, putting them at risk for dying from being beaten to death or getting HIV at 3? I wouldn't consider it "kidnapping" because I have been with her longer than either of her parents (not Dad's fault, he was deployed doing his job) or anyone else. Totally hypothetical or I wouldn't be saying it. Plus she has extended family that loves her, her Maternal Grandmother and Great-Grandparents, she needs them and I would never keep her away from them.

I guess that's what I meant by how far would you go? Would you risk everything if everything else failed? Thanks again
Besides the horror of what you are writing about, thank you for making this more readable so that others may be able to help you with solid advice. Your first posts sound like you are under extreme stress and it just all comes tumbling out but, it is understandable. This is much better.

I sure don't know what the best answer/advice may be but, don't, don't give up on those kids. They need you as an advocate. Good luck in what you are trying to do.
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Old 10-05-2013, 02:13 PM
 
12,887 posts, read 15,421,155 times
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peacelovehope...did you say that the children are living with you? Do you have the legal custody?..sorry, but my eyes aren't what they used to be if you've already answered those.
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