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Old 09-12-2013, 06:21 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,365 times
Reputation: 10
Post I need to help my grandkids, but don't want to help my daughter

I have a 36 year old daughter with 4 kids by 4 different men . She claims to be bi polar and every other mental illness. She wont work because she says she cant deal with people. She has been on every anti depressant and bi polar medicine you can think of, but as she says nothing works! I refuse to allow her and her kids to move in with me because she will just mooch off of me forever! My son took her in after she left baby daddy no. 4 because he felt sorry for the kids. Now she is not helping doesnt watch the baby and embarrasses my son by sitting on the porch and yelling at her x with such profanity that the neighbours said something! When we confront her she says that we never support her. I have tried several times to help her get on her feet,which has cost me alot of money, but she just doesnt get it!! I keep being torn between "is she really mentally ill or just a very good manipulater" She makes me feel guilty all the time. This has been going on since she was 17! I am at my limit it is ruining my health and making me super depressed!! I just feel so bad for the kids!! Please tell me what you would do!
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Old 09-13-2013, 12:15 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,585,152 times
Reputation: 9539
If her actions are legally actionable, take legal action.
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Old 09-13-2013, 09:49 PM
 
Location: The great state of Texas
15,031 posts, read 6,687,086 times
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Honestly, she does sound mentally ill. If she breaks the law, press charges. If she's abusing or neglecting her kids, call the authorities. That's my advice. Only then can she possibly be forced to undergo a mental evaluation, and the childrens' welfare may be addressed professionally.
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Old 09-15-2013, 10:11 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 33,401,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire1953 View Post
I have a 36 year old daughter with 4 kids by 4 different men . She claims to be bi polar and every other mental illness. She wont work because she says she cant deal with people. She has been on every anti depressant and bi polar medicine you can think of, but as she says nothing works! I refuse to allow her and her kids to move in with me because she will just mooch off of me forever! My son took her in after she left baby daddy no. 4 because he felt sorry for the kids. Now she is not helping doesnt watch the baby and embarrasses my son by sitting on the porch and yelling at her x with such profanity that the neighbours said something! When we confront her she says that we never support her. I have tried several times to help her get on her feet,which has cost me alot of money, but she just doesnt get it!! I keep being torn between "is she really mentally ill or just a very good manipulater" She makes me feel guilty all the time. This has been going on since she was 17! I am at my limit it is ruining my health and making me super depressed!! I just feel so bad for the kids!! Please tell me what you would do!
Can you babysit for the kids, or let them stay with you frequently or at least visit? You could buy the kids things they need like warm clothes, or toys and books. Offering to take the kids off her hands might seem like it's helping her - and maybe it would but it would definitely help the kids.
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Old 09-18-2013, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Orlando
4,270 posts, read 1,962,045 times
Reputation: 2414
Tough love- is to try to get the gal in treatment. whatever it takes, so you can help her and the kids by trying to get her well. Tough call, but hopefully the better outcome. There are help places for mentally ill etc I'd start looking calling or find a place maybe even from your DR., so you can get help and guidance and support... this is way too much on one person to figure out or deal with. You are only the mom- you need assistance.
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Missouri
5,794 posts, read 14,229,998 times
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I agree with malamute. I think the best you can do, unless you wanted to try to take some sort of legal action and try to get custody of the kids (which could be expensive, drawn out and cause a lot of family conflict), is to have the grandkids visit and stay over your place as much as possible. Hopefully, the more time the kids spend at your place, the easier life will be for them. Offer to volunteer in whatever the kids have going on at school or with extracurricular activities. And by all means offer to help with things like medical appointments, purchasing clothing, etc., as much as you are able, to ensure their basic needs are met.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Texas
27,684 posts, read 22,004,640 times
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If she is too mentally ill to function (as she herself admitted), contact CPS.
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Old 09-21-2013, 02:21 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 33,401,366 times
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One thing my grandfather did with each of his grandchildren was show us where he hid a key to his home and told us that if we ever needed a place to stay, his home was our home, no questions asked.
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Old 09-25-2013, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Columbia, SC
1,904 posts, read 1,132,632 times
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I think your daughter actually is mentally ill and might not be fully responsible for her actions. I obviously do not know everything that is going on, but it saddens me when parents blame their adult kids for things they may not have control over. My sister in law is in the same boat. Did a lot of bad things. Left her two daughters with their father and basically walked out of their lives, got married to a meth head and was probably a few months from dying, but the family finally stepped in and she is now rebuilding her life, slowly, one day at a time.

I would implore you to try to help your daughter. This does not mean you have to let her live with you or even stay with you. It jsut means doing whatever you canto see if she is getting the help she needs. You say she has been on many anti-depressants, so I would presume doctors have seen her and diagnoised her. Rea up on her conditions and try to seperate fact from your preconceieved notions.

She may not be a helpless case afterall.
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Old 09-25-2013, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Columbia, SC
1,904 posts, read 1,132,632 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire1953 View Post
I have a 36 year old daughter with 4 kids by 4 different men . She claims to be bi polar and every other mental illness. She wont work because she says she cant deal with people. She has been on every anti depressant and bi polar medicine you can think of, but as she says nothing works! I refuse to allow her and her kids to move in with me because she will just mooch off of me forever! My son took her in after she left baby daddy no. 4 because he felt sorry for the kids. Now she is not helping doesnt watch the baby and embarrasses my son by sitting on the porch and yelling at her x with such profanity that the neighbours said something! When we confront her she says that we never support her. I have tried several times to help her get on her feet,which has cost me alot of money, but she just doesnt get it!! I keep being torn between "is she really mentally ill or just a very good manipulater" She makes me feel guilty all the time. This has been going on since she was 17! I am at my limit it is ruining my health and making me super depressed!! I just feel so bad for the kids!! Please tell me what you would do!
Everything you say makes me think this is a serious ongoing mental health (emphasis on health) issue with her. She needs help. It won't be easy. Aside from help, she needs some love and understanding from you. Remember that anything you can do for her to get her help actually helps your grandchildren as well.
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