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Old 12-12-2013, 06:33 AM
 
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You can say (out a window), please leave my property or I will call the police.

And then shut the window, and call if she doesn't leave.
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:46 AM
 
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P.S. agree with everyone about toxic people being a drain (and contagious!) and getting out asap! These particular toxic people are of the crab variety. You know... you get a bunch of crabs on a hole and the one that tries to escape...quite out of instinct...the others claw and snap to bring the escapee back down.

I just want to live my life and protect my children from the things I had to go through. I don't understand where their motivation is. Or how they may be thinking that harassing us is in any way a healthy way to show affection for their grandkids. Again, if you are abusive to your adult children...what can we expect for the grandkids?

This isn't even mentioning when our kids were very little (before we moved multiple times without telling ng them where) when, against our better judgement, we let them take care of the kids. They cut my daughter's hair without telling us and the kids seemed scared. They were barely old enough to talk. A week after that I have a video where my daughter and I are playing...and out if the blue she gets this far off look in her eye and stutters, " gra-gra-granny b pinched me." I mean totally out of the blue. Breaks my heart just thinking of that. Thinking that we failed our kids and exposed them to that evil...'witch'.

Also, dad spanked other daughter...(we dont spank) and they never told us anything! My mom is a teacher so...sad to say...she knows how to get in a kuss face and grab them roughly without leaving a mark. Its sick. Ugh. What a sad, messed up family I have. Sheesh.

Makes me depressed, frankly.
But I still have my great kids and I'll be darned if I'm going to let her lay a hand on them! Ever again.
>
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,771,164 times
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I have to agree with the others who said "Do not answer the phone or door". If they catch you outside tell them exactly as you stated here. Good Luck
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2 View Post
You can say (out a window), please leave my property or I will call the police.

And then shut the window, and call if she doesn't leave.
I agree. I guess that's what I'll have to do. My wife suggested getting a mean dog, but we decided it wasn't worth it...and more ght bite the kids so that was out.

(Sorry for typing mistakes, this phone is my only internet connection for now so...plz bear with me! Thanks.)
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by longnecker View Post
I have to agree with the others who said "Do not answer the phone or door". If they catch you outside tell them exactly as you stated here. Good Luck
That's what my wife said. I thought it best if we 'stood up to them' and made our wishes crystal clear: leave us alone!

Guess I was wrong. One more chit mark for the misses!
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
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You're getting some good advice.

I second the boundary issues. In order to enforce a boundary, you HAVE to stand your ground. Dealing with your family is no different than repeatedly engaging in arguments with your children. Do you let them continue to argue? .......or do you say, "It's OVER...PERIOD"?

When you tell someone, "Don't call!" and they continue to call you.........you DON'T answer the phone! That is engaging! Dis-engage! Don't answer the phone! Don't answer the door! Make sure that your kids know WHY this is going on.

Some family members are toxic and dangerous. Some, simply need a really good sitting down and talking to. Yeah, I'd have a meeting with my mom and I'd let her know, in NO uncertain terms, why I feel the way I feel. If it got down to having to scream over the top of her...that's where I'd be. You need to get it out.

My gosh, you're just a big ole bundle of tensed up mess. Don't let her do that to you. Relieve that pressure, by telling her the story of your childhood, as lived by YOU. Get off your chest, how you feel about the way she's manipulated everyone, poisoned people with her nasty tongue and cold heart. Explain to her, that the only reason your children have ever been allowed to meet her at ALL, is because you thought she deserved another chance.

Explain to her how you realize now....that nothing.....NOTHING is more important and precious to you, than your children and that she's giving you NO choice, but to save your children FROM her and your father....that you will NEVER give her the chance to scar your children, the way she scarred you.

Learn to pretend you're not home. Learn to not answer your phone. The only way that crap enters your home, is with your permission. It's always been that way...you know that, right? You have continued to give her permission to harrass your family. Don't do that anymore. You have your own family and it's your job to protect them. I don't see this as much different than elsewhere in nature. Even in the wild, a parent has to protect their child from predators....whether they be related or not.
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Old 12-12-2013, 07:16 AM
 
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Anyways, the time for explaining and fixing things has passed that boat left the harbor years ago. Back when I stuck my neck out asking / stating that we needed therapy. And like bugs from the light, they ran and then attacked me. That was around the time I realized it was hopeless and I had to save my family & myself...

As stated, I let my gaurd down when she showed up after 3 years and announced she had cancer. I mean most people just go along. and don't have anger on tap. I don't.

Even so, I've ranted and raved and told her what's what. Asked if dhe remembered laying naked in my bed when I was 7. "No i dont remember that." "Well"I said" you probably dont remember many things becayse you were drunk every single day i was growing up!" Etc. "So just leave! Us! Alone!!"

She just smiled through the phone and told me "I'll probably forget all this by tomorrow" with that creepy/evil smile in her voice.


Looking back now I see I need to just cut off all ties. NOT ANSWERING the phone or door...and calling the police if they enter my backyard.
Or camp out on my driveway? :slap:

I know getting a RO requires proof that they intentionally are trying to harm you or make you uncomfortable: harassment. I realize this isn't a legal forum so I'm not asking legal advice. At all.

I was unsure if answering the phone/door represents encouragement even if I'm yelling at them to leave us the blankety blank alone? Answer: apparently yes. Stop answering door / phone.

I'm curious now about a notarized letter
, signed by a lawyer?, official proof that they officially know to stay away. Even though I've told them this for years and twice in no uncertain terms in the last month. Trust me the very last thing I want is to ever ever see these people or hear / think about them again. At the same time...I hate the idea of hiding. Or skulking about a prisoner in my own house...an adult man ..
*afraid* of a visit from mom and dad.

I totally messed up, answering the door after 3 years ...I guess I need a spyhole or to check the driveway more often. I'd just never really confronted my patents face to face and totally wasn't expecting g them after years of blissful peace. Then hearing she had cancer (and just had to deliver that news unannounced, in person) really surprised me. And, they are my parents...I mean as messed up as they ate it still makes me sad that they're sick. And will likely die without ever coming to terms with the damage they've caused. I don't want any deathbed confessions! Too late, Jack! Don't unburden yourself right before you die when you could've actually helped other people while you were alive! On the same point...I'm sorta glad I gave here that last chance. I myself don't want to die thinking I could've done more to bridge the chasm or whatever...fix the relationship.

Now that I know cancer has not changed her ...
I need to 'man up: and do what's best for my family.
Also, 'man up' and not fly off the GD handle and engage them at ALL.

Blah blah blah blah blah!

Thanks, people.
Sorry to carry on...edit: omg this phone autofills everything wrong!
What a mess! I seem 'impaired'. Will try to edit...

Sheesh can't wait to get internet back on...thanks again.

Last edited by BlainB; 12-12-2013 at 07:52 AM..
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Old 12-12-2013, 07:51 AM
 
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I think your typing is much better than many I see on this board.

I want to ask you something and I really don't mean to hurt your feelings. I have truly been in your shoes, so I feel like I know something about this.

Do you think the reason you answer the door and the phone is because a small part of you is used to the drama and the drama feels normal to you? Maybe even a part of you will miss it when it is gone?

Really think about this. Also think about why confrontation is so difficult for you. You said you are a young family. You will have to deal with confrontation in your life. Try to find a way to do this without losing your temper. Every time you lose your temper, she wins. Also, your children will become teens and chances are, they will challenge your temper even more than she does!

If you use this as an experience to grow and change yourself, you will eventually get to a point where you are grateful for the lesson and for the opportunity to become a better person out of it all.

Good luck!
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:20 AM
 
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Yeah. That's a great question.

I mean, my initial response is "no way, Jose!"
Very sad to say but part of me wishes for/will be relieved when...my mother dies. Then of course I feel guilty for thinking that.

Thing is, I have even more drama that I've spared you all. I had a sister , THE nicest person I knew, who basically raised me as my parents drank themselves beligerant every night. She developed cancer...first breast, then liver, then skull, etc and died after a ten year battle. She went from THE nicest person to a stone cold 'witch'. In fact, she was the one with my mom laughing and peering in my windows. Point being, I used to obsess about her, trying to fond some common ground, getting 'pooped' on repeatedly, finally giving up and her... calling or writing hate mail (nonstop at the end)...and when she died it was just a huge relief. I now just remember my sister as the pre-cancer person she was. Love and light! Not what cancer did to her.

She also tried to call when she was in the final stages having seizures every hour. I didn't return that call as I didn't want to argue ...she didn't seem regretful and part if me really hated her and wanted her to suffer ...for rejecting me all those times I reached out. For instance: when I suggested my family was dyzfunctional and we all needed therapy she was really the most aggressive Ely against it. Calling it a 'stupid idea' and saying that we ( me and her) never were that close.

So, maybe a part of me is too concerned with what these people think of me. It seems like I still carry around a mini-mom in my head reminding me if what a 'mess up' I am and how useless I am. And feeling too anxious that they might show up, are they gonna show up? What if they knock right now? What about now? Is that them? Etc.

I doubt that any part if me WANTS to continue feeling like a frightened little kid for the rest of my life. With these huge forces beyond my control fighting and screaming and beating each other and there's nothing I can do. I just stand there screaming and crying as these drunk adults chase each other around the house. No one even notices me. I F*****N HTE THESE people so much.

I just don't want to see them anymore. Sorry. I'm all crying over here. I hate these people I just hate em. So no I guess not.
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:34 AM
 
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Whew. Well I'm going to go for a walk now. May edit the above post later but will let it stand for now...need some fresh air

Peace.
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