U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 12-12-2013, 12:48 PM
3,072 posts, read 4,260,901 times
Reputation: 6511


Originally Posted by BlainB View Post
I think some if you need to re-read the whooole thread. The whole 'disengage' issue has been settled like 2 pages ago. But thanks for the advice! I'll take into consideration...
You're still talking about calling a lawyer.

Cart before the horse.

You are making this far more complicated than it needs to be. I understand it is obviously close and emotional for you, but the courts and police and lawyers aren't going to entertain ROs and C&Ds when you haven't even yet dealt with shutting the door or not answering the phone. Like I said, I have dealt with this directly in a professional manner - when I worked in policing, we received calls like this daily. My basic response was always the same- Did you tell them no further contact? When they contacted you after that, did you hang up/not answer and call the police? Or did you try and talk to them and engage them? The second one? Then don't waste our time and call us when you are serious. Until you are ready to write a statement and charge someone with harassment (and convict them), the law does not have time to referee dysfunctional families.

It would be a shame if you spent $100 or whatever on a consultation with a lawyer to hear the same thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 12-12-2013, 12:52 PM
4,102 posts, read 3,748,867 times
Reputation: 11219
Moving is expensive if you're in a rental, VERY expensive if you own your house. And your troubles will simply follow you. If you don't want anything to do with them, then just ignore them, and eventually they will leave you alone. But don't spend thousands of dollars that you can't afford on trying to move away from a problem that will follow you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-12-2013, 03:30 PM
1,193 posts, read 1,530,061 times
Reputation: 3440
I would:

1. Refuse to engage
2. Set up my home to make harassment more difficult
3. Begin documenting every attempt at contact/harassment

Do not answer calls or engage with these people. They are toxic. I am sorry you got toxic parents. It sucks. It's unfair. It can't be changed. I would have no contact with them. I would set up my home environment to make it more difficult for them to harass you. If you have a back fence, put a lock on the gate. I would not pick up calls that you cannot identify. If they call repeatedly, I'd make a note of day and time. If they come to your house, bang on your door, or look in your windows, call the police. Make a recording of it if you can. Having evidence makes it that much easier if you do have to go to court.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-12-2013, 06:54 PM
Location: On the aggravation installment plan...
501 posts, read 664,660 times
Reputation: 459
Originally Posted by BlainB View Post
Good advice, everyone. Trust me when I say that...by the time people are willing to share drama and personal pain with complete strangers online...they are truly at the end of their ropes.

As far as not enforcing my boundaries...I can see your point. Thanks. My concern is, if I don't answer the phone...she shows up at the door. If I don't answer the door she let's herself ( and whatever family members she's brought along) into my backyard and begin s knocking on the windows calling my name loud enough for the neighbors to hear and peering into my house. Hiding and being afraid...in my own house...even after moved multiple times and she hunts us down...at what point should we stop running and stand our ground? I talked about all this in my OP by the way.

My concern now is that she'll sue for visitation rights. Of course she won't get them but she has the money and it'll make our lives hell. Which is what I think she wants more than anything. To make us suffer for disobeying and trying to escape her.
Just like you didn't have a problem telling her over the phone to **** off and leave your family alone, you do the same thing when she trespasses on your property and say it loud enough so the neighbors will hear. Also, when they come onto your property, don't hide call the police. Stand up to them now, they know what buttons to push, get yourself some counseling and as someone else said, hopefully your wife will be on board also. Deal with these ***holes head on, you are no longer 6 years old ( I am sorry to hear that you endured such a horrid childhood by the way-you didn't deserve that), they (she and your dad) deserve prison time and since money can buy freedom it certainly won't buy the embarrassment and humiliation they will experience once exposed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 05:05 AM
4,750 posts, read 3,481,567 times
Reputation: 4944
My grandfather was an alcoholic and my kept him away from us. The first time I met him was at his open-casket viewing.

Document their harassment on paper… Leave a paper trail that way you have proof. Are security cameras an option?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 08:55 AM
4,728 posts, read 4,457,726 times
Reputation: 9038
Move and tell no one in your family where you moved. Cut all ties and contact. You will be happier and healthier. Please, go talk to a therapist about your problems. It is clear that you are still hurting because of all that you have been through. Your family is not worthy of being around you or your kids. They refuse to change or even admit they have a problem, so there is nothing you can do except worry about yourself and your wife and kids. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 10:37 AM
Location: San Diego, CA
812 posts, read 978,898 times
Reputation: 900
To the OP: I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I, too, had a very manipulative family. My Mom's mother and father were the most manipulative people that most would ever know. When my sis and I were kids, and my Mom was in her 30's, she finally stood up to her mother and said NO MORE.

We no longer had to go to the grandmother's house, do holidays with them, or any of that stuff. There was a definite change in my immediate family's dynamic - and it was FOR THE BETTER.

So, maybe this gives you a feel for how your kids feel. Cutting off people that are manipulative and abusive are a testament to YOUR self esteem and the self esteem of your kids for their future. You are doing the right thing by breaking away and living the life you are desperately trying to live.

Kudos to you! Stay strong!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 05:40 PM
1,928 posts, read 2,620,128 times
Reputation: 1872
Can you put a lock on the gate to your backyard?
If you do you will now have two problems solved , phone and they can't come into the back yard.
Be proud of yourself for staying sober during all of this , don't use family drama to
escape into drinking again.
There is only one person who can solve this and that is you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2013, 07:00 PM
43,012 posts, read 92,025,684 times
Reputation: 30379
I don't think the OP is coming back.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-15-2013, 02:36 PM
1,373 posts, read 2,470,654 times
Reputation: 1426
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
There are some on these forums who seem to accept anything and everything in the name of "family" (criminal behavior, mooching, being lazy and mean, etc.). I am not one of them and frankly do not understand how accidents of birth mean you have to accept horrendous behavior.

The family members I love, I love because they are good, decent, hard-working people. The ones who simply by accident of birth are related to me but who are nasty, mean-spirited people (or in one case a sociopath), I do not want or need in my life.

OP, I think you need to cut your parents out of your life, period. You don't need them.
This!! Same here. My own mother is dying of cancer & I do not give a rat's a**. She abondoned me for cocaine & I did not know who my father was because she could not keep her legs closed.

Last edited by Jaded; 12-16-2013 at 02:45 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top