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You should call a lawyer - they usually give free consultations. They could advise you on the wisdom of a notarized letter. But the letter wouldn't be legally binding - it would just be evidence in a future restraining order hearing. I really don't think the suing for visitation would go very far - they have no established relationship with the children, and there's a history of abuse in your family. You're looking at one court hearing at the most. Those laws were designed for grandparents who were being unfairly excluded from their grandchildren's lives after longstanding relationships or when their own child died and the child's spouse isolated the children.
Your drinking is not really relevant unless it's far more serious than you assert.
Just remember: Today, it is very easy to find someone. I've tracked people down before who didn't want to be found (custodial issue with an ex's kid who was being abused by his mother), and I'm just an amateur. They have the money for a real PI. Your parents are also wealthy and retired - they could buy a second home where you are, or take extended vacations in the area. Be willing to take a stand where you go, or you're going to end up moving again and again.
View your parents like herpes. They're never gonna fully go away (until they die), but the flare-ups will get less and less frequent as long as you do the right stuff.
And come up with a plan as to how your children should respond should your parents approach them.
Like herpes. Well I can relate to that...
My drinking was very very bad. I drank and was a young punk rock hoodlum giving plasma and getting into all kinds of petty trouble and stuff. Horrible times. I was depressed and even went to a mental institution ...when I was about 17. Things changed when I had kids. Not overnight. I mean it was a steep learning curve... And I fell off more than once.
But, none of that represents what kind of parent I am today. And...my overbearing parents harassing us and my history with them and their history as manipulative people and 1/2 abusive babysitters, to me, indicates that them visiting isn't a good idea. Its not healthy for anyone but them...because theyre old and lonely and feed off youth and controlling other people.
Anyways I have to start doing some initial homework into getting a real estate agent / appraisal for this old housr...and possibly calling a lawyer...but mainly getting this house sold and moving far away. I really hope my parents will have a shred of civility (I'm an eternal optimist. pft) and/ just be too lazy to follow us cross country. Wish me luck.
Will keep informed of any further dramatic events.
Thanks for your help.
How is an RO or notarized letter going to stop you from picking up a phone or answering the door/window taps?
Legal remedies don't come into play until AFTER you have already refused contact and stopped answering the door/phone. The courts and lawyers are not here to (ironically) act like mommy/daddy telling people to go away for you.
I think some if you need to re-read the whooole thread. The whole 'disengage' issue has been settled like 2 pages ago. But thanks for the advice! I'll take into consideration...
Speaking of which, I'm going to need to disengage from this thread and get some work done IRL.
Thanks to all those offering caring non judgemental advice. Yall really made my morning. And to those taking 'shots' at me. (1%) Thank you too!... I'm learning about boundaries today and one if my boundaries us staying away from needless negativity both online and off.
I think some if you need to re-read the whooole thread. The whole 'disengage' issue has been settled like 2 pages ago. But thanks for the advice! I'll take into consideration...
Sorry, I don't believe you.
I've read every word. As long as you keep mentioning lawyers, you're still thinking about offense, not defense.
I think some if you need to re-read the whooole thread. The whole 'disengage' issue has been settled like 2 pages ago. But thanks for the advice! I'll take into consideration...
We're pointing out that having a lawyer send a letter is actually engaging.
Speaking of which, I'm going to need to disengage from this thread and get some work done IRL.
Thanks to all those offering caring non judgemental advice. Yall really made my morning. And to those taking 'shots' at me. (1%) Thank you too!... I'm learning about boundaries today and one if my boundaries us staying away from needless negativity both online and off.
Cheers!
I just want you to know that I'm not taking shots. I'm telling it to you straight.
I have friends who had similar issues, and I'm confident you can overcome this.
Your priorities need to be (1) your family and (2) your sobriety. If anything in your life doesn't support those two priorties, get rid of it.
Get some therapy for you and your wife if you can afford it. If you're both coming from abusive situations, you need to learn a new normal. A good therapist can help you learn that you don't have to hide in a closet when your relatives knock on the door. You can sit on your couch with the blinds open and ignore them if you want to. (BTW, all that talk about hiding in a closet makes me wonder if you ever had to do that as a child. Or wished you could.)
Good luck with all of it.
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The whole 'disengage' issue has been settled like 2 pages ago. But thanks for the advice! I'll take into consideration...
