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I keep my 4 year old grand daughter 1x a month for a "slumber party" as we call it and she LOVES it here! I've been doing it since she was born! I am the only grandparent in her life and I myself remember staying all night or even a week with my grandma and those are such great memories! My Mom would keep my daughter for a week while she was on vacation and my daughter, now 27 remembers it fondly.
While she is here, I make sure she is in bed by 9 or 9:30 as I am tired myself from all the playing we do LOL. But my daughter never complains about her being tired or cranky, she is grateful that she gets a break and that we spend precious moments together.
Is it just me or are today's grandparents obsessed with sleepovers? Both sets of grandparents always talk about having the kids overnight. They both live nearby and see the kids plenty. I don't see then need for kids of any age to sleepover. Dropping them off for the day is fine because you can do things with them and have fun. Why the need to have them sleep there? All they do is sleep.
When I was young I never ONCE slept at either grandparents houses and I LOVED spending time with my grandparents and saw them all the time. It gets to the point where every time I ask them to babysit they try to turn it into a sleepover. They always let the kids stay up past their bedtime and spoil them to death. Then when they get home they are tired whinny messes. They act rude and entitled and cranky for 48 hrs afterwards.
It's not worth it to me and I see no benefit. So whats the deal with this? Isn't spending the day with grandkids enough?
Also to add: We are not asking them to babysit late at night. I'm talking any time of day is turned into pushing a sleepover on us.
If they're not weirdos or immoral, and are not actually "harming" your children, why in the world would you have a complaint like that!?
Wow, unless they are over-controling parents, I can't imagine anyone complaining that "their parents want to give them a break by keeping their kids overnight." Most of us can't even imagine having parents who would have OFFERED such a treat!
Okay...so the kids are staying up later at night and doing things that maybe you don't let them do. Other than the inconvenience of a bit of crabbiness, is it really harming your kids....or are they just letting those kids have a real sleep over? During REAL sleepovers, fun and staying up late is kind of the norm. Lighten up and be grateful that your parents want something to DO with your children. Jeez, another year has gone by ......and my grandson's other grandma has, yet again, not seen her grandson ONE time. She hasn't even attempted to see him, even though she lives only a few blocks away and drives by his house, sometimes several times per day.
As long as the grandparents are appropriate to be around the kids (which I've seen no indication they aren't) and the kids are comfortable spending the night away from home, I would try to look at all the things you're gaining from this. Your kids are having wonderful memories with their grandparents, the kind of "normal" memories of things like favorite breakfasts and movies watched in pajamas that don't go away with time, and are so much more valuable than just taking them on an outing. Just like when kids go to a sleepover at a friend's house, you don't expect a ton of sleeping is going to occur, I would go into this with the mindset it's a treat.
Plus, you get the evening to yourselves... date night? Mommy and Daddy special playtime?
It is a different dynamic when you spend time with the grandchildren without their parents. When the kids sleep over, there is more quality time than other kinds of visits.
I had many opportunities to spend nights at my grandparents and I treasure those times.
We have a blanket "no sleepover" policy. Obviously grandparents are different, so I would make the allowance. But my mom lives 5 hours away and wants me to drop my (still nursing) baby to her for a weekend at a time. Um, no... not going to happen. Especially when she's a virtual stranger to my DD. And truth be told, I'm also not ready to be separated from my child for more than an hour or two. Not yet - there's plenty of time for that later. The distance is unfortunate, but she's always welcome to come and stay here at my house, but she never takes me up on that offer. She's never once visited - all visits have been at her house and I am getting tired of the drive, so there will be even less visits from us as time goes on.
Now, my MIL lives an hour away and visits every week. My DD would have no problem staying with her for the night, but I would never ever allow it - even if I wasn't nursing. Her house is filthy, dangerous and full of mold and dust and worse. I'm not being mean, it's literally like something out of the Hoarders tv show. She keeps asking for overnights and I keep telling her no, and always will. Sorry, not going to happen.
Both ladies would give my DD excellent memories, I'm sure... but she'll have great memories of her childhood, no matter what.
We have a blanket "no sleepover" policy. Obviously grandparents are different, so I would make the allowance. But my mom lives 5 hours away and wants me to drop my (stillnursing) baby to her for a weekend at a time. Um, no... not going to happen. Especially when she's a virtual stranger to my DD. And truth be told, I'm also not ready to be separated from my child for more than an hour or two. Not yet - there's plenty of time for that later. The distance is unfortunate, but she's always welcome to come and stay here at my house, but she never takes me up on that offer. She's never once visited - all visits have been at her house and I am getting tired of the drive, so there will be even less visits from us as time goes on.
Now, my MIL lives an hour away and visits every week. My DD would have no problem staying with her for the night, but I would never ever allow it - even if I wasn't nursing. Her house is filthy, dangerous and full of mold and dust and worse. I'm not being mean, it's literally like something out of the Hoarders tv show. She keeps asking for overnights and I keep telling her no, and always will. Sorry, not going to happen.
Both ladies would give my DD excellent memories, I'm sure... but she'll have great memories of her childhood, no matter what.
Did your mom breastfeed her children? That is absolutely crazy to want to separate a breast feeding mother and her baby. And, unless there are reasons such as a disability, your mother should be making most of the five hours drives to visit you instead of forcing you to always make the long drive to visit her.
And, I wouldn't want my baby to stay in a home filled with mold, filth and dangerous objects. I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to do that.
I am a new grandmother and I read on C-D about some of these self-centered and unrealistic grandparents and sometimes I just shudder. (Of course, sometimes I read about self-centered and unrealistic parents and I also shudder.. LOL). I am sure that there will be grandparents writing back and saying that you are a horrible mother for depriving those loving grandparents of sleep-overs and for depriving your children of experiencing sleepovers.
Our son, DIL & new grandbaby visited for Christmas and it was great and we abided by their very reasonable wishes in regards to their 2 month old (wash hands before holding the baby, keep the dog upstairs, and no smoking when the baby was in the house). BTW, even at their house or when they visit friends or other relatives they have the same rules. Who can disagree with a new parent who wants you to have clean hands, not have a dog jump all over the new baby and wants to avoid second-hand smoke? Sheesh, there will probably be people yelling at me saying "It is your house, you should be able to have filthy hands, let your dog jump all over the baby and blow smoke right in the babies face in you want to do that."
And, I imagine that if their baby is walking by the next time that they visit (they live 1,000 miles away) we will need to do extra child-proofing. Just like our parents did when we visited when our children were young. And when our grandson is old enough to fly by himself, maybe he will be able make some overnight visits just like his father did with his grandparents who lived 1,000 miles away from us.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-01-2014 at 01:27 PM..
Kids have play dates all the time, sleepovers however are usually reserved for close friends. When you ask your date to spend the night it usually indicates the relationship has moved to the next level. Letting children sleepover at grandparents is also a 'next step' in the relationship.It's an indication of a higher level of trust.Daytime visits are great but they don't have the same feeling of being a part of another family routine that overnight visits do.
My extended family lived far away from us and I can tell you I felt far closer to the cousins and grandparents in whose homes I spent the nights when visiting.
Kids have play dates all the time, sleepovers however are usually reserved for close friends. When you ask your date to spend the night it usually indicates the relationship has moved to the next level. Letting children sleepover at grandparents is also a 'next step' in the relationship.It's an indication of a higher level of trust.Daytime visits are great but they don't have the same feeling of being a part of another family routine that overnight visits do.
My extended family lived far away from us and I can tell you I felt far closer to the cousins and grandparents in whose homes I spent the nights when visiting.
Thank you for this post, DubbleT. You're so right! You really do get to know someone better, don't you...if you actually spend 24 hr periods with them. I have such pleasant memories of spending days at a time, with cousins, whom I'd barely known.
Unless something is seriously wrong with the grandparents, it's great. They get to bond with their grandkids, and mom & dad get a night off.
I loved them as a kid. My grandparents' home was huge (nearly 4k square feet). They kept (and still keep) an excellent table of the best foods. The guest room was great. I liked my grandparents as people. My grandfather would go out early to a German baker and come back with nice breads, rolls, and cookies. Then there would be bacon, eggs, waffles/pancakes, real syrup etc etc. As a young child, we didn't have real syrup. It was too expensive, though money was found for dad's drinking habit.
It would be wrong to discount the "escape from home" factor.
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