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According to the article many older adults are facing the prospects of either not living long enough to see their children have babies (if they do at all), or being so advanced in age by that time they won't be fully able to enjoy their grandchildren.
Aside from suggestions, coaxing, lecturing and outright pleading many wishing to become grandparents are funding fertility treatments, adoptions and even surrogacy.
I wish more parents would respect the wishes of their children regarding children. Just because they want grandchildren does not mean they have a right to them. I would never try to bribe my children to have children if they did not want to, it is their choice and their lives and I respect their decisions.
I wish more parents would respect the wishes of their children regarding children. Just because they want grandchildren does not mean they have a right to them. I would never try to bribe my children to have children if they did not want to, it is their choice and their lives and I respect their decisions.
We were together almost my four years before marrying and then another nine before our oldest was born. Our second came two years later. Those years prior, my mother become obnoxious about it and started giving us books and let's just say "play things." <rolls eyes> It is consistent with her personality, but geez. And, the most annoying part is she barely sees my children and never calls them. My sister's son is her favorite and she dotes on him day and night. That's fine, but why hassle us about *giving* her grandchildren? Luckily, I never gave into the constant and ridiculous pressure.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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People should just be patient, often "encouraging" the kids to have babies has the opposite effect, since as adults they don't want you telling them what to do. And, the wait is well worth it.
Interesting that people widely think of us younger people as the entitled generation while this article makes sweeping generalizations about the older generations feeling entitled to grandchildren.
The source of the problem isn't my generation waiting to have kids, it's the world we live in today. Wages have been flat forever, but costs keep going up and up and up! Have you tried buying a house near a job center recently? Property values are ridiculous where there's well-paying jobs. Student loans are likely the single biggest drag on young sector of the economy right now and school isn't getting any cheaper for those entering the system. The single income family is on life support. The dual income family wastes thousands of dollars a month on day care.
I would posit that if it were easier to find a well-paying job out of college and we weren't financially crippled by student loan payments, we'd be marrying younger. If we were marrying younger, we'd be ready for kids younger. If we had that well paying job and a quarter of our income wasn't going to student loans, we'd be ready for kids at a younger age. Funny that the generation whining (yes, whining) about grandkids completely skip over the fact that the world is a very very different place now. My generation faces a fundamental delay in the development of their adult life due to poor financial circumstances in a difficult world. Others have labeled this delay falsely (in most cases) as "laziness" and "entitlement." The way I see it, we face a tough situation coming out of school and it has caused a vicious delay in my generation's development.
These conversations make me grateful for my understanding parents and in-laws. My husband and I are both late-in-life children ourselves. Both sides realized that this meant that late in life grand-children were likely and the mothers turned their considerable talents with children towards volunteering. All are being great grandparents now, although they had to wait until their lates 60's - mid 70's for the first grandchild. It is really nice not to get pressured; having kids is a big decision that the parents should be 100% on board with!
We raised our kids-boy and girl- to believe they could have full and enriched lives without ever marrying or having kids. My 30 year old daughter told me she has no plans to have kids so therefore sees no reason to marry her SO with whom she has been living for 4 years. That's OK. Frankly I don't think she has the patience to be a good mother. Our 32 year old son does want a family but he is putting a great effort into building his career and lives in Singapore now and probably will move to Kazakhstan soon. I've discouraged him from marrying out of his home country and culture for many reasons.
We were 35 and 42 when son was born and we adopted daughter 2 years later. I knew at the time we more than likely would not be grandparents from these kids. But I love kids and did not like the prospect of empty nest so when they were 21 and 19 we adopted two infants from Vietnam. We joke that we went out and got our own grandchildren.
In a way it makes me very sad to realize I will not know the joy and experience of grandchildren in my life. But I would never bully or shame my kids into "giving" me grandchildren. I've seen people do that and it never turns out well. Anyway, our society is so mobile there is no guarantee grandchildren will even be reasonably close to have any impact of their lives.
The single income family is on life support. The dual income family wastes thousands of dollars a month on day care..
Interesting that you think day care costs are a waste. Most people agree quality child care is more of an investment than a waste.
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