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Old 04-17-2014, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,047 posts, read 17,361,139 times
Reputation: 41428

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
No not shooting my foot, but don't expect me to be thrilled when you go from $0 to $500.

Today had dinner with my MIL and she asked us about the daycare situation, I told her my mom wants $500 a month she told me that's insanity and she'd take the baby 2 days a week and doesn't want any money. *shrug*

Hubby and I will just have to discuss this more. I have no issue paying something, but $500 is really just more than I want to pay my mother who keeps insisting she wants to help us out. If it means having to split the baby's time between different parents so that we can avoid paying altogether without burning anyone out, or pay a much lower amount, I'd rather do that.

Thanks for the input everyone.
Good Morning,
As I mentioned earlier in the thread. I know quite a few grandparents who care for their grandchildren. Although it isn't a scientific survey, or even close to one, the grandparents that I know who only care for their grandchildren 2 or 3 days a week tend to be much happier with the situation than the grandparents who do it fulltime. Whenever they (the grandparents)have doctors appointments, funerals or other commitments during the day they don't need to "ask for time off" or to take the grandchildren with them. They can also do their grocery shopping and other errands on the days when they aren't providing childcare.

And if they get sick there are back-up child care providers (the other grandparents to fill in). Plus, it is a lot easier for a 56, or 66, or 70+ year old to care for a newborn or toddler (or both) for 2 or 3 days per week, without burning out, than for a full five days per week.

In addition, both sets of grandparents can bond and have regular access to their grandchildren. Win-win.
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Old 04-17-2014, 05:46 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,601 posts, read 4,936,550 times
Reputation: 16459
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Good Morning,
As I mentioned earlier in the thread. I know quite a few grandparents who care for their grandchildren. Although it isn't a scientific survey, or even close to one, the grandparents that I know who only care for their grandchildren 2 or 3 days a week tend to be much happier with the situation than the grandparents who do it fulltime. Whenever they (the grandparents)have doctors appointments, funerals or other commitments during the day they don't need to "ask for time off" or to take the grandchildren with them. They can also do their grocery shopping and other errands on the days when they aren't providing childcare.

And if they get sick there are back-up child care providers (the other grandparents to fill in). Plus, it is a lot easier for a 56, or 66, or 70+ year old to care for a newborn or toddler (or both) for 2 or 3 days per week, without burning out, than for a full five days per week.

In addition, both sets of grandparents can bond and have regular access to their grandchildren. Win-win.
^^^^this. Sounds like the perfect solution.

One thing to remember about daycare: your child will be exposed to all kinds of illnesses and bugs going around. Daycares aren't supposed to accept sick children, but a kid with a runny nose or in the incubation period of an illness will definitely be there.

I watched my grandchild 2 days a week and she went to daycare the other three. She was sick quite a bit, and came down with some conditions I never heard of but were rampant in daycares.

Now there are two grandkids - and due to my own health conditions I only watch them one day a week. It's all I can handle. But I do pick them up, drop them off, and supply my own diapers, food, and formula for the time I watch them. The other grandmother watches them the remaining days, and I do know she gets paid. It's working out better for the kids as well as the parents.
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:45 AM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,931,031 times
Reputation: 10919
Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
No not shooting my foot, but don't expect me to be thrilled when you go from $0 to $500.

Today had dinner with my MIL and she asked us about the daycare situation, I told her my mom wants $500 a month she told me that's insanity and she'd take the baby 2 days a week and doesn't want any money. *shrug*

Hubby and I will just have to discuss this more. I have no issue paying something, but $500 is really just more than I want to pay my mother who keeps insisting she wants to help us out. If it means having to split the baby's time between different parents so that we can avoid paying altogether without burning anyone out, or pay a much lower amount, I'd rather do that.

Thanks for the input everyone.
Entitlement just reeks.
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:12 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,991,821 times
Reputation: 3702
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Good Morning,
As I mentioned earlier in the thread. I know quite a few grandparents who care for their grandchildren. Although it isn't a scientific survey, or even close to one, the grandparents that I know who only care for their grandchildren 2 or 3 days a week tend to be much happier with the situation than the grandparents who do it fulltime. Whenever they (the grandparents)have doctors appointments, funerals or other commitments during the day they don't need to "ask for time off" or to take the grandchildren with them. They can also do their grocery shopping and other errands on the days when they aren't providing childcare.

And if they get sick there are back-up child care providers (the other grandparents to fill in). Plus, it is a lot easier for a 56, or 66, or 70+ year old to care for a newborn or toddler (or both) for 2 or 3 days per week, without burning out, than for a full five days per week.

In addition, both sets of grandparents can bond and have regular access to their grandchildren. Win-win.
I think this will be the perfect solution for us as well. My MIL wants to help and take the baby 2 days a week, my mom can do 3. That way both grandparents feel they are bonding with the baby. Hubby and I will also just drop off and pick up the baby each day so they don't have to. We will also of course provide all food, diapers, wipes, etc. I'll buy a pack and play for each of them as well, I have seen used ones for $65 that have the infant top portion, changing table, etc.

Worst case if one can't do it a day they can either switch or I'll take a day off, I get 10 extra days of sick leave the first year the baby is born from my work. My boss is also pretty good about letting people work a day from home now and then.

We haven't brought it up to my mother yet, but if she asks what have we decided that's what I'll tell her is our solution so neither parent feels burned out.

Like you said, both grandparents get some baby time and we get some help with the cost of raising a baby.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:51 PM
 
37 posts, read 39,771 times
Reputation: 76
I might let her watch the baby (with the payment/arrangements you described above) for the first year of the baby's life. This is due to the germs the baby will pick up when exposed to other infants on a daily basis. Once the baby is about a year old, put the baby in daycare so your mom can have a break. She can still pick up the baby early, watch her when she is sick, etc., so that would be a big help to you, and it would be more fair to your mom. Plus, there will be issues regarding control/who is the boss, and you will lose if it is your mom watching your baby. For instance, the whole breastfeeding vs. formula thing is generational, she will probably try to feed your baby sugar water, juice, and solids before the age that modern-day medicine recommends, etc.
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Old 04-19-2014, 10:08 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,991,821 times
Reputation: 3702
We are definitely talking to both sets of grandparents about baby's food. NOTHING but breast milk for 6 months. PERIOD.

Once 6 months hit we'll introduce certain foods. I will pay for it all and provide it for both sets of grandparents.

I totally understand the mentality they have had when it comes to what they used to do vs. what to do now lol. My mom keeps saying "when your brother was born" and that's 22 years ago! I have to point out a lot of "They don't do that nor do they recommend it anymore" to my mom and MIL- who had her last child 36 years ago.

My MIL told me "oh they'll just put you to sleep" and I was like "they don't do that anymore" and she was surprised. She said "I don't think I'd be able to give birth if I had to be awake through it" and I was like well you'd kind of have no choice at that point...
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Old 04-19-2014, 07:12 PM
 
3,416 posts, read 3,224,610 times
Reputation: 3853
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cedar_ATL View Post
I might let her watch the baby (with the payment/arrangements you described above) for the first year of the baby's life. This is due to the germs the baby will pick up when exposed to other infants on a daily basis. Once the baby is about a year old, put the baby in daycare so your mom can have a break. She can still pick up the baby early, watch her when she is sick, etc., so that would be a big help to you, and it would be more fair to your mom. Plus, there will be issues regarding control/who is the boss, and you will lose if it is your mom watching your baby. For instance, the whole breastfeeding vs. formula thing is generational, she will probably try to feed your baby sugar water, juice, and solids before the age that modern-day medicine recommends, etc.


This is a huge assumption. My MIL never tried to give either of my children sugar water or juice. She always asked us for the instructions before babysitting. Always. We did have one issue with my mom and that was the whole sleeping on the back vs front issue. My mom also gave my nephew peanut butter when asked not to granted he was well over one and never exhibited any signs of being allergic.
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Old 04-19-2014, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,562 posts, read 52,678,186 times
Reputation: 70822
Why don't you just raise your own kid?
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:02 PM
 
3,416 posts, read 3,224,610 times
Reputation: 3853
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Why don't you just raise your own kid?

She is going to raise her own child. I didn't see where she said she was giving the child up...Did you?
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Old 04-19-2014, 09:12 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,318,555 times
Reputation: 30387
Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
Hubby and I will just have to discuss this more. I have no issue paying something, but $500 is really just more than I want to pay my mother who keeps insisting she wants to help us out. If it means having to split the baby's time between different parents so that we can avoid paying altogether without burning anyone out, or pay a much lower amount, I'd rather do that.
This is in bold illogical since you were pricing daycare at $600/month, and you were expecting to pay $600 until your mother offered. Most people would rather their children were watched by a grandparent than a stranger.
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