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Old 04-24-2014, 07:46 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,963,047 times
Reputation: 3702

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
You seem determined to portray your mother in a bad light. Instead, it reflects poorly on you. Give your mother a chance to be the grandmother she wants to be, and stop looking for problems before they arise.
Did you read my post? I said we'll give it a chance and see how things go. And yes I'm paying her what she asked because it is a good deal for an in-home nanny.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I think she's just being realistic. People don't change whether there's a baby involved or not. Sometimes it's worse.
Thanks. Exactly, and I only offered more information to give background on my mother. I love my mother but she's not perfect and neither am I. I am hoping for the best but am prepared for the worst.

I know it seems crazy but she's my mother and if I didn't give it a try at least she'd be very hurt. If I were concerned she'd harm my child that would be the only way I wouldn't even give it a shot.
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:42 AM
 
741 posts, read 1,062,759 times
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Here's our situation and it works well.
My parents watch the kids Mon and Tues and every other Wednesday. They asked for $20 a day. At first I balked because I was thinking too narrowly about the whole situation. It wasn't about the money, it was more about feeling like the fact they needed money to watch their own grand kids was somehow "unloving" or "cold". I did get over that, I don't know why I thought that at first.

The InLaws did the other Wednesdays and Thurs Fri. They asked for $15 a day. Hmmmm, sounded fine with me! Then the InLaws got into a financial pinch and had to move in with us. In lieu of rent they offered to continue with the child care at no cost, and cover half the propane, electrical, cable and buy food. Sounded good to us!

The most important thing I learned was if you can keep the grandparents to a half week, and not ALWAYS full time, day in day out, they are much happier. They need time to go to the dentist, relax etc.
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,855 posts, read 17,157,864 times
Reputation: 40648
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimeMachine View Post
Here's our situation and it works well.
My parents watch the kids Mon and Tues and every other Wednesday. They asked for $20 a day. At first I balked because I was thinking too narrowly about the whole situation. It wasn't about the money, it was more about feeling like the fact they needed money to watch their own grand kids was somehow "unloving" or "cold". I did get over that, I don't know why I thought that at first.

The InLaws did the other Wednesdays and Thurs Fri. They asked for $15 a day. Hmmmm, sounded fine with me! Then the InLaws got into a financial pinch and had to move in with us. In lieu of rent they offered to continue with the child care at no cost, and cover half the propane, electrical, cable and buy food. Sounded good to us!

The most important thing I learned was if you can keep the grandparents to a half week, and not ALWAYS full time, day in day out, they are much happier. They need time to go to the dentist, relax etc.
TimeMachine, I am glad that it worked out OK (at least somewhat OK) for everyone in the end.

It is interesting (funny, odd or whatever) but it would never cross my mind that grandparents asking for money to care for their grandchildren was "unloving" or "cold". Perhaps it is because I personally know several grandparents who care/cared for their grandchild/grandchildren for free and it caused financial problems for them. Perhaps it is because I am a grandparent and no matter how much I love my grandchild I certainly couldn't afford to care for him for free and still be able to pay the bills and buy food for me and my disabled husband. I need to continue working at a paid job.

In addition, I have read several threads on C-D where grandparents actually quit their jobs to care for their grandchildren for free. Some of the threads are pretty heartbreaking when the grandparents explain that they can't continue to care for the grandchild for no pay and their son or daughter insists that they should do it for nothing.

Of course, some grandparents can afford to and want to care for their grandchildren for free and that is certainly great. But, I think (my opinion) that too many adult children equate childcare that isn't free as the grandparents do not love their adult child & grandchildren as much as grandparents who provide free childcare.
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,515 posts, read 8,352,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Huh? How in the world did you get that from the OP? The grandmother hasn't demanded anything.

I disagree that the grandmother should do it for free. It wouldn't be free for her anyway, she will have travel expenses. The OP will get peace of mind knowing her baby is well cared for, and not in a day care exposed to all sorts of illnesses during infancy. $300 is a total bargain, and the OP seems to realize it.
+1. My ex-SIL had one son and her parents babysat him every day of his life for free while she went to work. By the time I married my ex-husband, her son was 12 years old. I think that is taking advantage of the grandparents' kindness, even if they agreed to babysit the kids for free. Babysitting is not easy, especially if there are multiple children or if the child is young. The OP is doing the right thing by offering her mother payment at a discounted rate. That way Mom doesn't feel taken advantage of, and OP still reaps the rewards of having Grandma watch over the little one.
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Old 09-25-2014, 02:13 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,963,047 times
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If anyone wants an update the baby is here, he was born a few weeks early cuz my BP flew through the roof unexpectedly...

Anyways, my husband was/is hesitant to use my mom because he thinks she will think that she gets to make parenting decisions (she doesn't and I will always shoot her down), and that when he gets home from work she won't leave and she'll stick around for hours (she won't, I told her when hubby gets home at 3:30 she should leave before she hits traffic and she agreed that is what she would do anyways).

Anyways, I think 5 days a week is too much for anyone to take care of their grandchild. My MIL has gotten her medical issues under control and she also wants to help care for him a few days a week and said she refuses to take any money (I told her I want to give her something). So we are figuring 2 days a week my MIL, 3 days a week my mom, and we'll pay them for their gas. My mom so badly wants to take care of him that she said she doesn't care what I pay her as long as I don't take my baby to a daycare cuz she's terrified something will happen to him.
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,855 posts, read 17,157,864 times
Reputation: 40648
Quote:
Originally Posted by beera View Post
If anyone wants an update the baby is here, he was born a few weeks early cuz my BP flew through the roof unexpectedly...

Anyways, my husband was/is hesitant to use my mom because he thinks she will think that she gets to make parenting decisions (she doesn't and I will always shoot her down), and that when he gets home from work she won't leave and she'll stick around for hours (she won't, I told her when hubby gets home at 3:30 she should leave before she hits traffic and she agreed that is what she would do anyways).

Anyways, I think 5 days a week is too much for anyone to take care of their grandchild. My MIL has gotten her medical issues under control and she also wants to help care for him a few days a week and said she refuses to take any money (I told her I want to give her something). So we are figuring 2 days a week my MIL, 3 days a week my mom, and we'll pay them for their gas. My mom so badly wants to take care of him that she said she doesn't care what I pay her as long as I don't take my baby to a daycare cuz she's terrified something will happen to him.
Thank you for the update. Please keep us posted on how it works out.

I just wanted to make one comment. I would suggest that you let your mom know that you and your husband decided to have the grandmothers care for your child (at least at this point) rather than put him in a day care center, otherwise your mom may think that she is making the parenting decision that he should not go to a day care center (and may put up a big fuss if you and your husband change your mind and decide to send him to a day care center or preschool in the future).
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Old 12-03-2014, 02:21 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,963,047 times
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Well another update if anyone wants to hear it

My mom started taking care of him last week (just two days) and things went well.

Yes we told my mom and MIL we decided we'd have them do the care rather than go daycare because it is what we prefer, but once he hits 18 months we will be putting him in a center because he will need socialization at that point. Maybe not full time, but at least 1-2 days/week.

We have offered them money countless times, they flat out refuse. My MIL always refused, my mom NOW refuses any money. I think once she found out my MIL wasn't asking anything and when her friends all told her "how could you charge your daughter when you don't even NEED the money?!" she changed her mind. Which is good for us since we are almost done paying off our debts and then we can finally start saving for a down payment for a home.

I gave a list of do's and don'ts, likes and dislikes, and so far so good. My mom pretty much takes off as soon as my DH gets home. And the funny part is now she says while she loves spending time with her grandson, she's glad when DH comes home so she can go home! HA! I think she finally realizes she's not 30 years younger anymore so she can't handle an infant like she used to. And DS is actually a really good baby, hardly cries, but just needs lots of attention!

My MIL starts tomorrow, and I don't see any issues with her except for having to get used to his routine and cues for hunger and so on.

BTW we have planned to purchase very nice gifts for them for Christmas, and we keep the house stocked with food they like to eat (I asked what they would like and they let me know). We are going to surprise my MIL with a voucher for plane tickets to next years family reunion and my mom will be getting a very nice designer purse (she always wants one but NEVER buys them for herself) in addition to some other gifts for the both of them.
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Old 12-09-2014, 06:31 PM
 
223 posts, read 247,501 times
Reputation: 232
Glad things seem to be working out with your mom! I hope they continue to go well. I read through the whole thread and couldn't believe the people bashing you for being entitled. Your mom offered and pushed it on you - you didn't ask! My MIL is offering to do full-time free childcare for us when we have a baby, but that's another 2-3 years away so I'm not holding my breath.

Good luck in the future!
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Old 12-10-2014, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Middle Earth
945 posts, read 829,435 times
Reputation: 1793
If anyone babysits my child on a regular basis, I would pay them because I know how hard it is. I know plenty of people who take advantage of their 80 year old relatives to watch their kids so they can go out and play all weekend long and also save money on daycare. I can't help but judge them when they keep having more and more kids when I only have one and it's hard enough.
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