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I implicitly trust my parent's judgement in child rearing. I wouldn't leave my kids with them otherwise.
I think its silly that we expect other people to care for and watch over our children, but then turn around and say "don't you dare discipline my child!"...pure stupidness. And then people wonder why their kids are disrespecting teachers, school bus drivers and others out in public when Mom & Dad aren't around.
I spanked my grandchildren when they were in my home and my daughter wasn't there. I only spanked when they were doing something dangerous and I told them no and they didn't listen. I only had to do it once, per child.
When my daughter came back to pick them up, my grandson tried to do it while his mother was there, and I told him no. He did it anyway. So I said, "Mitch, Grandma spank," and he stopped. My daughter was amazed. "How did you do that?" LOL
My house, my rules. She doesn't have a problem with it, and I have an amazing relationship with my grandkids.
JMHO.
If I were your son or daughter you would NEVER be alone with your grandkids until they turn 18. Just saying. You should be ashamed of yourself. JMHO.
I implicitly trust my parent's judgement in child rearing. I wouldn't leave my kids with them otherwise.
I think its silly that we expect other people to care for and watch over our children, but then turn around and say "don't you dare discipline my child!"...pure stupidness. And then people wonder why their kids are disrespecting teachers, school bus drivers and others out in public when Mom & Dad aren't around.
awesome response.
first, if my mother has to discipline my kids I'm going to say they must have been acting like park apes because my mom let them get away with a whole ton of stuff she would have murdered me for.
I was spanked, husband was spanked, my kids were spanked, my nieces and nephews. No mass murders in the bunch. all are good. However my sons decide to discipline their kids is also good with me.
I'm not around my grandkids enough so it isn't an issue. When something comes up I let 'the parents' know my concerns and they can mull it over. It's up to them to parent their kids.
If the children stay with the grandparents, they have a right to punish them. How the punishment is carried out should be between the parents and grandparents. Ground rules need to be established together, and then the child needs to know what will happen when he/she misbehaves at the grandparent's house. This way there is no confusion. If I become a grandparent some day and I can't discipline my grandchildren, they will not stay with me without their parents there.
I agree I think it's important to establish with the parents how they would like bad behaviour handled when their child is with grandparents. If my grandchild is in my house I am not going to passively accept bad behaviour, but I would like to follow her parents guidelines.
Including corporal punishment? There was an unwritten and unspoken "custom" in my family that only the parents could administer any punishment, even minor punishment like not letting kiddo watch a favorite show. Naturally, the grandparents would squeal to the parents if we screwed up, but no punishment. Were we the exception or is this typical? And while we're at it, what about aunts and uncles administering punishment?
Punishment is not part of how my parents or I parent, certainly not corporal punishment. Discipline certainly was, and my parents certainly disciplined the grand kids. They also tended to deal with discipline on their own if they were watching my kids rather than waiting to "squeal".
Punishment is not part of how my parents or I parent, certainly not corporal punishment. Discipline certainly was, and my parents certainly disciplined the grand kids. They also tended to deal with discipline on their own if they were watching my kids rather than waiting to "squeal".
I didn't punish either, LKB, and I raised 3 sons who are now adults. Feedback. They got verbal feedback. I never grounded, never spanked, never removed toys, never took away treats or sent them to bed without supper.
"Guys, you really embarrassed me in the grocery store. Do you realize people were staring at you because you were throwing such fits? I won't take you back there until you can tell me you won't act like that again, and that means you won't get to choose special treats because I'll be going to the grocery store alone, so think about what you're giving up if you can't behave better than that".
"You know what? I'm really tired of hearing you say "but why can't I go". You can say that 5 more times, and after that, if you still want to say that, you'll have to go to your room to say it because I don't want to hear it anymore. I've already answered you why you can't. Okay, now you can say it 4 more times. Okay, now you can say it 3 more times." And by that time, they stopped saying "but why can't I go".
We had some hiccups when they were adolescents and teenagers, but they've all turned out great as adults. Teen misbehaviors were met with the statement, "I'll be interested to see how you're going to fix that" and a steely gaze.
My husband could effect a look that said "I can NOT believe you did that, and I'm disappointed". Never had to strike them or ground them, but the expectations were made clear.
I didn't punish either, LKB, and I raised 3 sons who are now adults. Feedback. They got verbal feedback. I never grounded, never spanked, never removed toys, never took away treats or sent them to bed without supper.
"Guys, you really embarrassed me in the grocery store. Do you realize people were staring at you because you were throwing such fits? I won't take you back there until you can tell me you won't act like that again, and that means you won't get to choose special treats because I'll be going to the grocery store alone, so think about what you're giving up if you can't behave better than that".
"You know what? I'm really tired of hearing you say "but why can't I go". You can say that 5 more times, and after that, if you still want to say that, you'll have to go to your room to say it because I don't want to hear it anymore. I've already answered you why you can't. Okay, now you can say it 4 more times. Okay, now you can say it 3 more times." And by that time, they stopped saying "but why can't I go".
We had some hiccups when they were adolescents and teenagers, but they've all turned out great as adults. Teen misbehaviors were met with the statement, "I'll be interested to see how you're going to fix that" and a steely gaze.
My husband could effect a look that said "I can NOT believe you did that, and I'm disappointed". Never had to strike them or ground them, but the expectations were made clear.
We mostly did verbal feedback too. Some natural consequences type of stuff for example if they couldn't share a toy, the TV, whatever the lost the right to use it for some period of time, so we "took" stuff away.
What adult/grandparent gives a "delicate necklace" to a four year old child to "play with"? Sheesh!
And, what adult/grandparent insists that a four year old should stay with them for a week? Sheesh!
And, what adult/grandparent says that they have the right to spank someone else's child? Sheesh!
A grandparent/caregiver needs to follow the discipline procedures decided by the child's parents.
No wonder there was a problem.
No one should be spanking a child.. ever.... but when a gran is left in control of a child its usually in her house and should be her rules... shes doing the favour minding the child so why should she have to follow rules put down by the mother... no sorry I disagree..........although if the mother said certain foods were off the list I would follow but as a granny there is no one who will tell me how to tick a child off if misbehaving in my home.. ever.
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