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Old 03-04-2015, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,856 posts, read 17,157,864 times
Reputation: 40667

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
You have two problems here, and they're both serious. How did things escalate between your father and daughter if you were there? Did you leave the room? I'm trying to figure out why you weren't able to stop him from striking her.

If it was just a question of your daughter Skyping with a boy while partially dressed, the obvious answer would be losing internet privileges for a time, and including her mother (if they have a good relationship) on why it was a poor choice to make.

But, wow, your father was way out of line. In a perfect world, they would apologize to each other, and move on. Your daughter would have to be mature beyond her years to see herself as partially responsible due to mouthing off. And you father would have to feel genuine remorse for his reaction. If neither is likely to happen, I would tell Dad to stay away. He may have broken any bond he ever shared with her.

You do have to deal with both issues though. Good luck.
While the grandfather should not have hit his grand daughter the GD should not have been Skyping with a boy half-naked and should not have disrespected and talked back to her GF.

In reading your post, it sounded like you were more irate at your father but did not really see that your daughter also did several things wrong as well.

Both need to take responsibility for their actions. They both need to make honest apologies to each other.

Of course, your daughter needs to be punished for her actions and IMHO her mother also needs to be informed. IMHO, if you daughter got caught Skyping in a bra, I would not be surprised if semi-dressed or naked Skyping or Sexting was also something that she was used to doing. (otherwise, why wasn't she embarrassed when her GF saw her, but instead argued with him and talked back to him? I bet that she said to him "It is not a big deal. Everyone does it".) Frankly, the talking back (and probably telling GF that she was doing nothing wrong) was what may have caused him to lose his cool.

Often teenagers do not realize that sexting photographs and screen shots can easily be sent to other people and once they are sent and are on the internet they are there forever.

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-04-2015 at 03:10 PM..
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Old 03-04-2015, 03:16 PM
 
13,130 posts, read 20,681,578 times
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What led to the blowup doesn't matter. The grandfather was out of line, regardless of what the teen did.
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Old 03-04-2015, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,856 posts, read 17,157,864 times
Reputation: 40667
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
My 17 year old daughter was just in bra, sitting on the computer and being on camera with a boy. I wasnt at home. When I entered the house, I heard yelling and went to her room, my father was lecturing her. I stepped in and told him that I will take care of the situation and told him to leave the room. Now, my father is that type of a guy who always was so traditional and old school, but its not an excuse for what he did. Anyway, he didnt listen to me and didnt leave her room when I asked him to do so, but he kept scolding her, so she mouthed off to him and disrespected him, then he took out his belt and hit her legs and slapped her cheek. I was shocked, but pushed my father out of the room and got back, trying to calm her down, but she just kept crying. Eventually she stopped but she was just laying in her room, didnt even want to eat or drink water and she usually loves eating with me.
Im out of mind, I am so mad at him, but I dont know what to do and how to solve this problem. He is not living with us, neither does her mother. She doesnt know what happend. Should I even tell her? Im the legal guardian of my daughter. I dont even know how to address the camera problem, should I even punish her after this? I dont support corporal punishment, I am at my wits end with my father. What should I do?
While I agree that your father should not have struck your daughter.

Has he done this before or was this an isolated incident that was because of an usually stressful situation where he was pushed far, far beyond his tolerance level? Has he ever hit her even once in the last 17 years? Obviously, he should not have lost his temper, he is the adult, your daughter is not quite an adult.

You said that "she mouthed off to him and disrespected him".

Do you know what she said ? Was it like "Sorry, Grandpa, I was wrong to talk with my boyfriend on camera without wearing my shirt. Get out of my room now!"

Or was it more like "You f*******, stupid idiot! It is my own damn business if I get naked on camera! Everyone does it! Get the hell out of my room, you A$$ hole! I hate you!" (I have heard teens say things that were much, much worse to adults)

Your daughter cried and didn't want to eat. Did it even occur to you that she may have been crying because she realized that she shouldn't have been Skyping half naked and was ashamed and not because her grandfather lost his temper?

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-04-2015 at 06:02 PM..
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Old 03-04-2015, 06:08 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,576 posts, read 23,094,067 times
Reputation: 48516
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
My 17 year old daughter was just in bra, sitting on the computer and being on camera with a boy. I wasnt at home. When I entered the house, I heard yelling and went to her room, my father was lecturing her. I stepped in and told him that I will take care of the situation and told him to leave the room. Now, my father is that type of a guy who always was so traditional and old school, but its not an excuse for what he did. Anyway, he didnt listen to me and didnt leave her room when I asked him to do so, but he kept scolding her, so she mouthed off to him and disrespected him, then he took out his belt and hit her legs and slapped her cheek. I was shocked, but pushed my father out of the room and got back, trying to calm her down, but she just kept crying. Eventually she stopped but she was just laying in her room, didnt even want to eat or drink water and she usually loves eating with me.
Im out of mind, I am so mad at him, but I dont know what to do and how to solve this problem. He is not living with us, neither does her mother. She doesnt know what happend. Should I even tell her? Im the legal guardian of my daughter. I dont even know how to address the camera problem, should I even punish her after this? I dont support corporal punishment, I am at my wits end with my father. What should I do?

Well what happened was your daughter, his granddaughter, was having internet sex. Did that part shock you at all? Because it would have shocked the bejesus out of me. Or my dad.

If she spoke to your father is a disrespectful manner after being caught behind the camera, on the internet, being viewed by a boy, she could have put on a shirt and apologized.
That she was not ashamed of her activity, and was rude when she was busted, speaks volumes.

I think the belt may have been going too far, but your daughter escalated it with "back talk".

I think the first thing that you should do is take away your daughter's access to the computer.

The second is make an appointment with a therapist for your daughter and for her safety.

This is a cry for help. Nip it in the bud before it escalates into a potentially dangerous situation.
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Old 03-04-2015, 06:13 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,943,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
If she won't talk, then write her a letter. Tell her you are concerned about her online activity. Tell her you will not let her grandfather strike her again, ever. Tell her you love her. Ask her if she would like the opportunity to speak to another adult (ie: counselor). Leave the note on her bed.

And tell your father he is no longer welcome in your home while your daughter is present.

Write her a letter? Seriously?

How about sitting her down in the living room and telling her what she did is completely inappropriate to her face.

Then go and clean out her room of everything except her bed and clothing, take her cell phone, take her computer, take all her gadgets and keep them until she is legally and financially responsible for herself.

The Grandfather did what he knew best and I would have gotten the same treatment had I mouthed off to my Grandfather and disrespected him.
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Old 03-04-2015, 06:15 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,943,702 times
Reputation: 62020
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
What led to the blowup doesn't matter. The grandfather was out of line, regardless of what the teen did.

Not true at all, there is a line that should not be crossed by any child, especially when it comes to skyping half naked with a boyfriend.
The teenage daughter was out of line on every level however, using your thought process when this child comes home pregnant in 4 months the Father should not get upset because it does not matter what this teenager did wrong.
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:07 PM
 
141 posts, read 118,975 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
My 17 year old daughter was just in bra, sitting on the computer and being on camera with a boy. I wasnt at home. When I entered the house, I heard yelling and went to her room, my father was lecturing her. I stepped in and told him that I will take care of the situation and told him to leave the room. Now, my father is that type of a guy who always was so traditional and old school, but its not an excuse for what he did. Anyway, he didnt listen to me and didnt leave her room when I asked him to do so, but he kept scolding her, so she mouthed off to him and disrespected him, then he took out his belt and hit her legs and slapped her cheek. I was shocked, but pushed my father out of the room and got back, trying to calm her down, but she just kept crying. Eventually she stopped but she was just laying in her room, didnt even want to eat or drink water and she usually loves eating with me.
Im out of mind, I am so mad at him, but I dont know what to do and how to solve this problem. He is not living with us, neither does her mother. She doesnt know what happend. Should I even tell her? Im the legal guardian of my daughter. I dont even know how to address the camera problem, should I even punish her after this? I dont support corporal punishment, I am at my wits end with my father. What should I do?
Honesty, I don't think he was out of line at all. Skyping naked or semi nude with a boy then mouthing off to your grandfather? You becha I would have belted her as well.

I am shocked that people are actually thinking the grandfather was at fault here.
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:09 PM
 
141 posts, read 118,975 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Your daughter cried and didn't want to eat. Did it even occur to you that she may have been crying because she realized that she shouldn't have been Skyping half naked and was ashamed and not because her grandfather lost his temper?
Sounds to me like she is a spoiled brat that is finally being held accountable for her actions, hence the "shocked" behavior.
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:30 PM
 
6,472 posts, read 9,881,568 times
Reputation: 10899
She's too damn old to be spanked, but not too old to be held accountable for her stupidity and mouthing off.

As for grandpa...he should have just called out for you at least... ripped the computer out from her at most and let you deal with it.

Now, first, you have a talk with your dad at the inappropriateness of spanking her and lay down the law as to how the next situation will be handled (whatever that may be).

Second, you punish your daughter for being on camera in her underwear so some horny kid could have his jollies and for mouthing off to your dad.
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Old 03-04-2015, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,856 posts, read 17,157,864 times
Reputation: 40667
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post

Your daughter cried and didn't want to eat. Did it even occur to you that she may have been crying because she realized that she shouldn't have been Skyping half naked and was ashamed and not because her grandfather lost his temper?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacere View Post
Sounds to me like she is a spoiled brat that is finally being held accountable for her actions, hence the "shocked" behavior.
Actually, what Tacere said sounds much more likely, after all dad was asking in his first post if he should even punish her at all for her behavior (because she was crying and did not want to leave her room to eat dinner with him) and because grandpa had lost his temper with her and struck her.
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