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Old 03-05-2015, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,862 posts, read 6,878,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Since when do grandparents override parents when it comes to discipline?
Perhaps when they fail to discipline?
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Old 03-05-2015, 09:01 AM
 
13,175 posts, read 20,816,002 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
Perhaps when they fail to discipline?
Grandpa never gave dad a chance.
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Old 03-05-2015, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,862 posts, read 6,878,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Grandpa never gave dad a chance.
From his last post, sounds like he blew it....I suspect he is blind to her misbehavior on a regular basis.
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Old 03-05-2015, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,722 posts, read 4,798,930 times
Reputation: 2216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacere View Post
Sounds to me like she is a spoiled brat that is finally being held accountable for her actions, hence the "shocked" behavior.
I tend to agree with this.
He may have been out of line but...it sounds like it was needed.
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Old 03-05-2015, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,068 posts, read 17,395,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
Uh, of course that I am worried about the skyping part as well, that is my main concern. But I was supposed to deal with it, not him. Hitting a child, let alone a girl, who is in her teens... Thats just a big no-no.

I dont think that she is trying to fool me, because she is honest and nice kid. When she does something, she is not lying about it. And she is a real young lady, so I dont know why she thought that going on camera like that is fine.

I went in her room today, hugged her and asked her to talk. We were talking about the issues and she understands that what she did was wrong. About the disrespect part, she said that her grandpa had no right to tell her stuff and be harsh like that and she refuses to apologize. She insulted him again, shd says that she felt really hurt when he hit her. She mentioned the police, she said that she doesnt want to involve them though. But she refuses to be at home when her grandpa would come and she says she wont talk to him anymore. Mabye she is just mad.
Nice girls do not Skype half naked. And nice girls do not disrespect their grandparents.

BTW, she probably should not be threatening to go to the police about this matter. I would be very surprised if this was the first time that she was on camera without being properly clothed. If she has sent naked photographs or there are naked screen shots (while Skyping) of her she can be charged with child pornography (as she is under 18). It rarely happens, but there are cases where the police charge the person who sent the naked photographs as well as the people who received the naked photographs.

Also, if she goes to the police it is likely that CPS will get involved and it may not end well for anyone in your family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post

I still dont know if I should punish her and how. She already feels bad about the whole situation and what she did, but she is sad. I can see that and I dont want that. I will continue talking to her about this, but I am just not sure if a punishment is really neccessery.
Are you kidding me? You don't know if you should punish her for being on camera in her bra for anyone on the other end to view?

You don't know if you should punish her because she seems "sad"? She is probably sad because she got caught.

Teenage boys are not known for keeping racy photographs private. Half her school may have already seen screen shots or photographs of her. Even if he shared the photographs with only a couple of friends, they probably sent them on to a couple of their friends, and they sent them to their friends, etc., etc. And once something is on the internet it is there forever.

At the very minimum you need to take away her computer and her Smartphone. If it was my daughter I would do it for at least one month. If I found out that she had done things like that before or was naked in photographs or on Skype it would be at least several months, plus other things taken away as well. If she has to do home work on the computer she would need to do it at school or in the living room, while you are sitting next to her watching to make sure that it is just homework and not texting (or sexting) her friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post

My daughter also doesnt want her mother to know about this. Should I respect that?
Who is the parent, you or your daughter?

If she did something like this at her mother's house you would want to be informed about it, wouldn't you?

Her mother must be informed. And, if the SHTF that is just the way it was meant to be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post

And no, my kid is not a brat and I dont do everything she asks for. We do what we both like, with talking and making a deal. Understanding eachother. I dont know why would you say that, when you dont even know her.
From what you have written it sounds like the daughter is making the rules at your house. That is why people are suggesting that she is a brat.

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-05-2015 at 05:08 PM..
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,565 posts, read 52,728,947 times
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1. Your daughter loses all internet privileges. Forever. Including cell phone. You can buy a dumb phone if you think she really needs one for emergencies. None of this stupid one month or one week thing. That will accomplish nothing.

2. Your father is never to be alone with her. Period.

Both of them are out of control, need to be told as much, and need privileges revoked.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:05 PM
 
13,175 posts, read 20,816,002 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Nice girls do not Skype half naked. And nice girls do not disrespect their grandparents.

BTW, she probably should not be threatening to go to the police about this matter. I would be very surprised if this was the first time that she was on camera without being properly clothed. If she has sent naked photographs or there are naked screen shots (while Skyping) of her she can be charged with child pornography (as she is under 18). It rarely happens, but there are cases where the police charge the person who sent the naked photographs as well as the people who received the naked photographs.



Are you kidding me? You don't know if you should punish her for being on camera in her bra for anyone on the other end to view?

Teenage boys are not known for keeping racy photographs private. Half her school may have already seen screen shots or photographs of her. Even if he shared the photographs with only a couple of friends, they probably sent them on to a couple of their friends, and they sent them to their friends, etc., etc.

At the very minimum you need to take away her computer and her Smartphone. If it was my daughter I would do it for at least one month. If she has to do home work on the computer she would need to do it at school or in the living room, while you are sitting next to her watching to make sure that it is just homework and not texting (or sexting) her friends.



Who is the parent, you or your daughter?

Her mother must be informed.



From what you have written it sounds like the daughter is making the rules at your house. That is why people are suggesting that she is a brat.
Grandpa did not respect his son, nor his granddaughter. This teen was not sexting. She was wearing a bra. Might her intention have been to remove it? Maybe, we don't know. But she didn't disrobe any further than what is acceptable on the beach.

Dad, you know your daughter far better than anybody here does. If you say she's a good person, that's enough for me. And I notice you are defending her more than your own father. That makes me think you realize your father overstepped his bounds. I think he did too.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Washington state
5,440 posts, read 2,770,914 times
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If your father is hitting your daughter regardless of the reason, he is telling you loud and clear that he is the one in control and he has no respect for you or your daughter. My take on it would be that my children were mine to raise as I saw fit. If they needed punishing, I would be the one to do it. And I'd let my dad know that the next time he laid a hand on my daughter, he'd face assault charges.

If this is the cost of living with your dad, then leaving is the better alternative, even if you have to live in a car for a while.

Just my opinion.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:59 PM
 
141 posts, read 119,974 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
If your father is hitting your daughter regardless of the reason, he is telling you loud and clear that he is the one in control and he has no respect for you or your daughter. My take on it would be that my children were mine to raise as I saw fit. If they needed punishing, I would be the one to do it. And I'd let my dad know that the next time he laid a hand on my daughter, he'd face assault charges.

If this is the cost of living with your dad, then leaving is the better alternative, even if you have to live in a car for a while.

Just my opinion.
If I were the grandfather, I would probably feel I have failed at parenting.

Neither the father, not the daughter deserve any respect btw.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:59 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,999,418 times
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Your daughter should decide to file or not; she is 17. If a minor in your state then you have a duty under law to report abuse. Also her k mother has a right to know about it if a minor. Since he doesn't live with you no thing there to consider .I will admit if my daughter was sitting with bra only talking on skype or whatever I'd also be upset with her.
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