U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-04-2015, 08:17 AM
 
4 posts, read 7,026 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

My 17 year old daughter was just in bra, sitting on the computer and being on camera with a boy. I wasnt at home. When I entered the house, I heard yelling and went to her room, my father was lecturing her. I stepped in and told him that I will take care of the situation and told him to leave the room. Now, my father is that type of a guy who always was so traditional and old school, but its not an excuse for what he did. Anyway, he didnt listen to me and didnt leave her room when I asked him to do so, but he kept scolding her, so she mouthed off to him and disrespected him, then he took out his belt and hit her legs and slapped her cheek. I was shocked, but pushed my father out of the room and got back, trying to calm her down, but she just kept crying. Eventually she stopped but she was just laying in her room, didnt even want to eat or drink water and she usually loves eating with me.
Im out of mind, I am so mad at him, but I dont know what to do and how to solve this problem. He is not living with us, neither does her mother. She doesnt know what happend. Should I even tell her? Im the legal guardian of my daughter. I dont even know how to address the camera problem, should I even punish her after this? I dont support corporal punishment, I am at my wits end with my father. What should I do?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-04-2015, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,735 posts, read 1,179,047 times
Reputation: 3288
It sounds like alot of different things are going on here and you and your family need to sort through this. I would think you may want to seek a counselor for you and your daughter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 08:46 AM
 
13,174 posts, read 20,812,406 times
Reputation: 35498
You have two problems here, and they're both serious. How did things escalate between your father and daughter if you were there? Did you leave the room? I'm trying to figure out why you weren't able to stop him from striking her.

If it was just a question of your daughter Skyping with a boy while partially dressed, the obvious answer would be losing internet privileges for a time, and including her mother (if they have a good relationship) on why it was a poor choice to make.

But, wow, your father was way out of line. In a perfect world, they would apologize to each other, and move on. Your daughter would have to be mature beyond her years to see herself as partially responsible due to mouthing off. And you father would have to feel genuine remorse for his reaction. If neither is likely to happen, I would tell Dad to stay away. He may have broken any bond he ever shared with her.

You do have to deal with both issues though. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 08:53 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,433,597 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
My 17 year old daughter was just in bra, sitting on the computer and being on camera with a boy. I wasnt at home. When I entered the house, I heard yelling and went to her room, my father was lecturing her. I stepped in and told him that I will take care of the situation and told him to leave the room. Now, my father is that type of a guy who always was so traditional and old school, but its not an excuse for what he did. Anyway, he didnt listen to me and didnt leave her room when I asked him to do so, but he kept scolding her, so she mouthed off to him and disrespected him, then he took out his belt and hit her legs and slapped her cheek. I was shocked, but pushed my father out of the room and got back, trying to calm her down, but she just kept crying. Eventually she stopped but she was just laying in her room, didnt even want to eat or drink water and she usually loves eating with me.
Im out of mind, I am so mad at him, but I dont know what to do and how to solve this problem. He is not living with us, neither does her mother. She doesnt know what happend. Should I even tell her? Im the legal guardian of my daughter. I dont even know how to address the camera problem, should I even punish her after this? I dont support corporal punishment, I am at my wits end with my father. What should I do?

Start by calling the police and having your father arrested for assaulting your child.
Maybe what your daughter did was wrong, but that does not excuse HIS actions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 10:08 AM
 
4 posts, read 7,026 times
Reputation: 10
Isnt that a bit far, involving the police?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
You have two problems here, and they're both serious. How did things escalate between your father and daughter if you were there? Did you leave the room? I'm trying to figure out why you weren't able to stop him from striking her.

If it was just a question of your daughter Skyping with a boy while partially dressed, the obvious answer would be losing internet privileges for a time, and including her mother (if they have a good relationship) on why it was a poor choice to make.

But, wow, your father was way out of line. In a perfect world, they would apologize to each other, and move on. Your daughter would have to be mature beyond her years to see herself as partially responsible due to mouthing off. And you father would have to feel genuine remorse for his reaction. If neither is likely to happen, I would tell Dad to stay away. He may have broken any bond he ever shared with her.

You do have to deal with both issues though. Good luck.

I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and it escalated that fast.
She does not have good relationship with her mother. Her mother is trying, but they dont get along too good. Im not sure if punishing my daughter is a good idea after this, because.. I tried talking with her, she just refuses and stays in her room. I really dont know how to aproach her about this. She is deeply hurt, seems like. I havent talked with my father neither yet, but I doubt he would apologize. She would not neither, thats for sure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 10:47 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,433,597 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
Isnt that a bit far, involving the police?


I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and it escalated that fast.
She does not have good relationship with her mother. Her mother is trying, but they dont get along too good. Im not sure if punishing my daughter is a good idea after this, because.. I tried talking with her, she just refuses and stays in her room. I really dont know how to aproach her about this. She is deeply hurt, seems like. I havent talked with my father neither yet, but I doubt he would apologize. She would not neither, thats for sure.
I don't think it's too far at all. If your father gets away with it, it could happen again- and what if you're not at home?

Also meant to add- I think you should find some way to inform the girl's mother, because if she finds out from someone else she might think you're trying to hide something, and it might get messy.

But most of all, your daughter needs to know you'll stand up for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 10:59 AM
 
13,174 posts, read 20,812,406 times
Reputation: 35498
Quote:
Originally Posted by doz884 View Post
Isnt that a bit far, involving the police?


I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and it escalated that fast.
She does not have good relationship with her mother. Her mother is trying, but they dont get along too good. Im not sure if punishing my daughter is a good idea after this, because.. I tried talking with her, she just refuses and stays in her room. I really dont know how to aproach her about this. She is deeply hurt, seems like. I havent talked with my father neither yet, but I doubt he would apologize. She would not neither, thats for sure.
If she won't talk, then write her a letter. Tell her you are concerned about her online activity. Tell her you will not let her grandfather strike her again, ever. Tell her you love her. Ask her if she would like the opportunity to speak to another adult (ie: counselor). Leave the note on her bed.

And tell your father he is no longer welcome in your home while your daughter is present.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 11:03 AM
 
493 posts, read 392,661 times
Reputation: 505
You need to talk with your father. DO NOT CALL THE POLICE on him like the person above stated. I come from a strict Caribbean family and even though i don't spank my son anyone in my family likely would if he mouthed off or did something wrong. I know that and he knows that. He always surprises me by behaving so well around them. He's never got a spanking and doesn't want one. You need to speak to him and explain why you don't hit your kids and firmly tell him not to do that ever again. He will most likely rant for a bit after explain that you do not parent that way and you are punishing her (taking away internet) . I got a spanking from my grandparents when I was 15 I was pissed but I eventually spoke to/ forgave them and was always respectful I would never mouth off to my grandfather. And no they did not apologize for hitting me so don't expect that. I think you may have bigger issue with her not getting along with mom and being rude to your grandparent. She should of just listen to her grandpa's lecture.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 11:03 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,433,597 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
If she won't talk, then write her a letter. Tell her you are concerned about her online activity. Tell her you will not let her grandfather strike her again, ever. Tell her you love her. Ask her if she would like the opportunity to speak to another adult (ie: counselor). Leave the note on her bed.

And tell your father he is no longer welcome in your home while your daughter is present.
This sounds like good advice.
If you do nothing, you also stand to lose your daughter's respect and trust.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-04-2015, 11:10 AM
 
880 posts, read 1,756,313 times
Reputation: 624
sounds like if your daughter sits at here computer half naked you will have another mouth to feed soon
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top