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Old 03-25-2016, 07:28 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,629,401 times
Reputation: 41117

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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Dreams are not the reality, so deal with it
...
if you live in the same town as your children and grandchildren, and spend Sunday dinners with them, and drive them crazy in person,

Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
over those of you who do the tense holidays in which everyone is miserable.
...
I think the reality is not as good as the fantasy

I don't know what your problem is, but those of us who do live closer to our grandkids don't drive our kids nuts, contrary to what you are obviously trying to convince yourself.


My husband and I are looking forward to our Easter holiday with his parents, sister, brother, their spouses and kids, and our kids and their spouses, and our grandkids. We all live within an hour of each other (except for his parents, who live on a farm a couple hours away), and it's is a tradition to go to their place for every holiday.


I would feel sorry for you, except your outlook on your children not being perfect despite their *cough cough* stellar raising, is probably the very reason they hold you at arm's length, so that you don't infect their children with the same negativity the grew up with.
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Old 03-25-2016, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,710 posts, read 4,134,754 times
Reputation: 15348
I hardly knew my one grandmother (died when I was young)

My other grandmother was the sweetest BEST person in my life. She passed away in '91 and I still miss her dearly.

I will be a grandmother to a baby girl some time this week (they will induce my DIL if she doesn't go by next Friday

I hope I can mean even HALF to our grandchildren what my grandmother meant to me and my siblings... a sweet older lady who gave her love and time unconditionally.
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Old 03-25-2016, 03:17 PM
 
12,915 posts, read 6,181,115 times
Reputation: 10763
Quote:
Originally Posted by minniemom1225 View Post
Wow, this thread is hitting home for me. See if you can follow along, as my story is somewhat confusing. (Not meant to be sarcasric)..

When my husband and I had our children, we lived in the same state as my parents. His parents lived In TN. When my oldest was 5, my husband's job transfered him to TN. My parents would visit us about 2x a year and for for the first 5 years or so, I would take the kids and spent summers back with my parents. After 7 years passed, my parents moved to TN to be near us. I am an only child, I should add. My parents are very happy here in TN. They have more friends and do more activities than they ever did in our home state.
Here is where it gets sticky..
Recently, my husband's job closed his local office and transfered him 3 hours away. This was only 6-8 months after my parents moved here to be closer to us.
So as to not leave them alone, my husband moved there without us, renting a tiny RV with no hot water. He travels 3 hours each way every weekend to be with us. This has gotten very old for him and is hard on me and our four children.
In the interest of our family, we decided it was time to find a home where my husband's job is. Thus was an extremely difficult decision for me, as I feel like I am abandoning my parents. My mothe isn't in the best of health and can't do long car rides. I don't mind driving far, but realistically, I don't know how often I will be able to make the trip with my children's sports and activities.

My parents don't understand why my husband can't make the commute and continue the current living arrangements. They say they understand, but the constant remarks about his selfishness says differently.

Now, here is the real kicker. My husband has the opportunity for a promotion. The promotion would mean a substantial amount more money every year, a Monday through Friday 9-5 schedule (currently his work schedule is eratic and can range from 5am-whenever he is done. And would still allow me to stay home with our youngest child. Not to mention, my husbands position now has his life at risk on any given day (the promotion would eliminate that). The really sticky part is that it's in another state. About. 6 hour drive. So, I can go from the pan to the fire.. I want him to be able to accept the promotion, but I feel guilty about my parents. I feel like the worst daughter ever!
Part of your post struck a chord with me. We are in the process of getting ready to sell the house and move closer to our daughter.

Yes, there is always a chance that grandparents could move closer to their kids and then the kids move away for a better job. Even though our daughter tells us that she loves being where they live and has no intentions of ever moving, I say never say never.

That said, the area where she lives now is a part of the country where I would love to be able to live. Public transportation is excellent, the area is very walkable and there are plenty of condo buildings to choose from. As we age, it's good to know that should we not be able to drive anymore at some point, we will still be able to get around easily.

So should our daughter and her family move, we would stay as we like that part of the country. Would I feel sad if they left? Of course. However, I would never try to guilt her out of it.

I understand how sad your parents must feel. It is my hope that they have made a life separate from you and the grandkids. In other words, I hope that their entire lives don't revolve around you and your kids.

Don't feel bad about having to move. You need to do what is right for your family. If you make plans to visit your parents as often as possible and are able to provide a guest bedroom in your new house, let them know that they are welcome to visit as often as they want.
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Old 03-26-2016, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,989 posts, read 45,446,972 times
Reputation: 61495
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I don't know what your problem is, but those of us who do live closer to our grandkids don't drive our kids nuts, contrary to what you are obviously trying to convince yourself.


My husband and I are looking forward to our Easter holiday with his parents, sister, brother, their spouses and kids, and our kids and their spouses, and our grandkids. We all live within an hour of each other (except for his parents, who live on a farm a couple hours away), and it's is a tradition to go to their place for every holiday.


I would feel sorry for you, except your outlook on your children not being perfect despite their *cough cough* stellar raising, is probably the very reason they hold you at arm's length, so that you don't infect their children with the same negativity the grew up with.
Ok, if this is true, you are lucky. My kids and I are fine, thanks, and maybe none of your relatives are making fun of you behind your back, and maybe you never say, "thank goodness they are gone, or why doesn't anyone ever help," after they are gone.
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Old 03-26-2016, 05:39 PM
 
Location: Boonies
1,829 posts, read 2,726,270 times
Reputation: 2372
I'm a grandma. I had all sons, no daughters. What I have found is, it's always the parents of the daughter in law that gets priority. It's always holiday dinners at her parents house because it's the tradition that she grew up with! My son recently told me that that is something that is going to have to change with her. The other daughter in law is into religion quite heavy and it's mostly her family first. So it is, what it is. I grab every moment I can get with my grandkids.
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Old 03-26-2016, 06:42 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,550,096 times
Reputation: 8503
Parents need to get a life of their own after their kids are grown and have kids of their own. Work on yourself and your relationship with your spouse so you don't have the time or the inclination to fret and complain about what your kids and grandkids should or should not be doing.

Only then will you be good grandparents.
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Old 03-27-2016, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
1,204 posts, read 1,193,649 times
Reputation: 1377
Quote:
Originally Posted by tarragon View Post
I'm a grandma. I had all sons, no daughters. What I have found is, it's always the parents of the daughter in law that gets priority. It's always holiday dinners at her parents house because it's the tradition that she grew up with! My son recently told me that that is something that is going to have to change with her. The other daughter in law is into religion quite heavy and it's mostly her family first. So it is, what it is. I grab every moment I can get with my grandkids.
Yep. That's the way it rolls. I have stories that would curl your hair, but I would rather not relive them here. And good luck to your son in bringing about that change. It might take a while.
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Old 03-27-2016, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,453 posts, read 52,470,772 times
Reputation: 70523
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I don't know what your problem is, but those of us who do live closer to our grandkids don't drive our kids nuts, contrary to what you are obviously trying to convince yourself.


.
True fact. No one is driving anyone crazy.
We LOVE that my parents love two streets over from us.
My kids love it, too. It's like a second home to them.
When my 4 year old son describes his family, he says me, my wife, his baby sister, his two dogs, and my parents. To him, that is family.
He is aware of his other grandparents. He has a really good relationship with my wife's mother. But she lives 5 hours away. Not the same.
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