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Old 05-11-2015, 07:55 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41128

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OK, I got into a huge fight with my daughter this weekend and I'd like some input on whether what I did was wrong.

We have an inground pool and the grandkids have been playing in it for years now. They are 6 and 3. Neither of them know how to swim yet, because their parents won't take them for swimming classes, and I refuse to allow the kids in the pool unless they have their Puddle Jumpers on, for this reason. It's never been an issue before, but this weekend my daughter wanted my granddaughter (the six year old) to not have her Puddle Jumper on, saying that it's past time for her to learn to swim. I totally agree, however, their way is to push the kid in the pool and force them to learn to survive instead of teaching them the proper way to float and kick. I absolutely am against this type of "teaching" and I told my daughter to tell her husband to stop pushing my granddaughter into the pool, because now the child screams bloody murder whenever her daddy gets near her in the pool, or when he even mentions throwing her off the diving board.

So I was with my granddaughter, holding her hands as she was on the side of the pool, and was coaxing her into the water. She'd already successfully jumped off by herself a couple times. Anyway, my son-in-law comes up behind her and pushes her in. So I told him to stop it, that if he wants to teach his kids to swim that way, do it somewhere else, but this is my pool, and I don't want the kids scared of swimming at my house. My daughter stood up for her husband of course, and said, "We all learned how to swim that way, Dad just threw us in the pond and let us fend for ourselves," and I said, "Well the way your daddy taught you sucks, and you're not going to employ that method while you are here."

I should tell you at this point that I am not her bio mom, but I've raised his two daughters since she was twelve and the older was sixteen (for 14 years). So I missed that part of their upbringing.

Anyway, they got the kids out of the pool and they left. My husband (her daddy) yelled at me about it, and then told me, "You don't have a say in this, you are not even part of this family!" Imagine my shock at hearing this. I am still upset about the whole thing, and now neither daughter is speaking to me, and of course my Mother's Day brunch was cancelled. I did apologize to my daughter for berating her, because she is a great mom.

I'd just like some honest answers about whether I was totally in the wrong about this issue.
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:30 AM
 
13,170 posts, read 20,800,491 times
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No, of course you aren't wrong. I'm not sure which is worse, the parents employing the sink or swim method, or your husband's comment.

No advice, because your post has left me speechless.
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,544 posts, read 7,809,700 times
Reputation: 16006
This is really an example of two wrongs don't make a right. There were so many "wrongs" here.

1. As the grandparent you don't have the right to tell the kids how to teach their kids to swim.
2. The father is wrong to push his kid in the pool just as she was becoming comfortable. It's a bit sadistic.
3. Your husband's comment was HORRIBLE!

You are right in a couple of ways:
1. Kids shouldn't learn to swim out of fear. They'll never be comfortable in water that way. I know 70 year old adults that were taught that way, and still are afraid of the water.
2. Your pool--your rules which includes no pushing in the water.

The better way to handle it is to simply state that a pool rule is NO PUSHING or THROWING in the water.
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:47 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
No, of course you aren't wrong. I'm not sure which is worse, the parents employing the sink or swim method, or your husband's comment.

No advice, because your post has left me speechless.
Thanks. I am speechless too. Yesterday morning he said, "You were a mess yesterday. Are you about to get your rag or something?"
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:50 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41128
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
This is really an example of two wrongs don't make a right. There were so many "wrongs" here.

1. As the grandparent you don't have the right to tell the kids how to teach their kids to swim.
2. The father is wrong to push his kid in the pool just as she was becoming comfortable. It's a bit sadistic.
3. Your husband's comment was HORRIBLE!

You are right in a couple of ways:
1. Kids shouldn't learn to swim out of fear. They'll never be comfortable in water that way. I know 70 year old adults that were taught that way, and still are afraid of the water.
2. Your pool--your rules which includes no pushing in the water.

The better way to handle it is to simply state that a pool rule is NO PUSHING or THROWING in the water.

Yes, I know that was wrong. And I'm sure telling my daughter basically that their daddy sucks was not cool either.
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:51 AM
 
Location: EPWV
11,052 posts, read 6,202,889 times
Reputation: 12226
#1 - It is YOUR pool and I believe, you are ultimately responsible.
Owner/co-owner present at time of accident?
Personally, I like your method of teaching (same way I was taught growing up and taking lessons) vice the "parents" just throw the kid in and see if they sink or swim. Ugh. But then again, your husband (her daddy) turned around and yelled at you. That complicates matters as he is also, I assume, owner of house/pool ? Was he present the whole time?

Suppose the push caught the kid off-guard and they ended up cutting their lip on something and needed stitches? Regardless of who pushed, bet it would fall on you for the blame and pay-off (ER bill) ?
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Old 05-11-2015, 09:02 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41128
Quote:
Originally Posted by cat1116 View Post
#1 - It is YOUR pool and I believe, you are ultimately responsible.
Owner/co-owner present at time of accident?
Personally, I like your method of teaching (same way I was taught growing up and taking lessons) vice the "parents" just throw the kid in and see if they sink or swim. Ugh. But then again, your husband (her daddy) turned around and yelled at you. That complicates matters as he is also, I assume, owner of house/pool ? Was he present the whole time?

Suppose the push caught the kid off-guard and they ended up cutting their lip on something and needed stitches? Regardless of who pushed, bet it would fall on you for the blame and pay-off (ER bill) ?
Yes, he was on the patio watching the whole time. Also, it's funny because, she won't let the kids come over at all if he is the only one watching them, because both kids have fallen in the pool under his watch in the past. I can have the kids by myself though, so I know she trusts me with them in the pool.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
No, of course you aren't wrong. I'm not sure which is worse, the parents employing the sink or swim method, or your husband's comment.

No advice, because your post has left me speechless.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
This is really an example of two wrongs don't make a right. There were so many "wrongs" here.

1. As the grandparent you don't have the right to tell the kids how to teach their kids to swim.
2. The father is wrong to push his kid in the pool just as she was becoming comfortable. It's a bit sadistic.
3. Your husband's comment was HORRIBLE!

You are right in a couple of ways:
1. Kids shouldn't learn to swim out of fear. They'll never be comfortable in water that way. I know 70 year old adults that were taught that way, and still are afraid of the water.
2. Your pool--your rules which includes no pushing in the water.

The better way to handle it is to simply state that a pool rule is NO PUSHING or THROWING in the water.


Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Thanks. I am speechless too. Yesterday morning he said, "You were a mess yesterday. Are you about to get your rag or something?"
I have never hit my husband in the close to 45 years that I have known him, but if he would have said that to me I may have punched him right in the nose.
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499
Quote:
Originally Posted by cat1116 View Post
#1 - It is YOUR pool and I believe, you are ultimately responsible.
Owner/co-owner present at time of accident?
Personally, I like your method of teaching (same way I was taught growing up and taking lessons) vice the "parents" just throw the kid in and see if they sink or swim. Ugh. But then again, your husband (her daddy) turned around and yelled at you. That complicates matters as he is also, I assume, owner of house/pool ? Was he present the whole time?
Suppose the push caught the kid off-guard and they ended up cutting their lip on something and needed stitches? Regardless of who pushed, bet it would fall on you for the blame and pay-off (ER bill) ?
Pushing children or adults into a pool is not appropriate or safe.

I personally know someone who suffered brain damage from being pushed into a pool, as a joke, and he hit his head on the side.

Remember the woman who was paralyzed at her bachelorette party when a bridesmaid pushed her into the pool?

Accidents like that can and do happen in pools.
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Kountze, Texas
1,013 posts, read 1,159,915 times
Reputation: 1267
I am appalled that your husband would say something like that to you. I am disgusted with the parent's type of teaching - not safe at all - I agree with what Germain2626 said - word for word.
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