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Old 07-19-2015, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Florida Baby!
5,114 posts, read 660,201 times
Reputation: 3078

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
Whether people take responsibility for their actions or not they enjoy or suffer the consequences. You chose not to take responsibility for your first marriage. Then you left your children to pursue another man, apparently for money. Do you really believe that people who have taken their marriages seriously would have sympathy for you? Do you really believe that loving grandparents would feel anything but contempt?

As ye sow so shall ye reap.
Hey Happy--how do you know that the OP married for money?? That's pretty presumptive! Comments like these negatively contribute to the issue at hand and are not at all helpful.

Last edited by Daisy Grey; 07-19-2015 at 03:50 PM..
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Old 07-19-2015, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Florida Baby!
5,114 posts, read 660,201 times
Reputation: 3078
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Most of the time I just skip Happy in Wyomings posts. Don't even bother reading....
Wise advice--I'll keep that in mind next time....
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Old 07-19-2015, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,666 posts, read 7,632,897 times
Reputation: 14830
I love Happy in Wy's post. Keep up the good work. Clearly the OP has no integrity. Her promises and words mean nothing. I doubt very much that she has made all the sacrifices. Did she pay all the bills? She willingly moved to his home, admitting that her job situation wasn't so good, so she may have taken advantage of a financially stable man, and now when its convenient, and she can walk away with some of his assets, she's ready to pull up stakes and go back to her children. She should have stayed where she was at in the first place.
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Old 07-19-2015, 04:15 PM
 
3,953 posts, read 3,181,769 times
Reputation: 12864
Ive read the Grandparents forum a little bit (I dont know why, I dont have kids) and find it sad to read the threads where grandparents move where their children are, uprooting their home and their friends, and then find how disappointed they are when they move, and their kids have their own life, and the grandkids start to grow up, and have their own life and friends (and electronics) and want little to do with their grandparents.

Its difficult and sad for grandparents to count on their kids and grandkids to keep a close family, when in reality they move on with their own lives.

I think if Grandparents take care of their own lives first and not impose so much time and effort on their kids and grandkids, they might have a better relationship overall.
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Old 07-19-2015, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
21,509 posts, read 43,785,893 times
Reputation: 15024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
Whether people take responsibility for their actions or not they enjoy or suffer the consequences. You chose not to take responsibility for your first marriage.

Then you left your children to pursue another man, apparently for money.

Do you really believe that people who have taken their marriages seriously would have sympathy for you? Do you really believe that loving grandparents would feel anything but contempt?

As ye sow so shall ye reap.
WTH???? Methinks you have a huge splinter in the eye. (that's Biblical, too, btw)

Where are you getting any of this? OP was divorced for 18 years before she met current husband. How do you know first spouse wasn't an alcoholic, drug-addict, gambler, woman-chaser, wife-beater, imprisoned for murder, what???

You glean from her post that her entire motivation to remarry (after 18 years of singlehood and a year of dating) was for money??? Just because OP had a "not so great job" - didn't mean that "not so great job" was ALL ABOUT MONEY. Maybe that not so great job was all about the people she worked with and the duties of that job.

Now she has a job she LOVES. That, too, doesn't mean it's all about money.

Also, if she buys a condo, given she is now in her early 50's, if not older, seeing as how she had a life for 18 years BEFORE this marriage, a better assumption is the condo will be bought with HER money. Fwiw, I had a plenty good net worth as a single woman in my 40's/50's - I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

WTF???? Geez....get a cup of coffee and put brain in gear before engaging keyboard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I love Happy in Wy's post. Keep up the good work. Clearly the OP has no integrity. Her promises and words mean nothing. I doubt very much that she has made all the sacrifices. Did she pay all the bills? She willingly moved to his home, admitting that her job situation wasn't so good, so she may have taken advantage of a financially stable man, and now when its convenient, and she can walk away with some of his assets, she's ready to pull up stakes and go back to her children. She should have stayed where she was at in the first place.
See above. Way too many assumptions from two males with clearly mysogynist points of view. Talk about ascribing the worst without knowing any of the facts.

Wow ...... and Wow....Again.

Last edited by Ariadne22; 07-19-2015 at 05:02 PM..
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Old 07-19-2015, 04:58 PM
 
3,324 posts, read 3,018,913 times
Reputation: 4835
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I love Happy in Wy's post. Keep up the good work. Clearly the OP has no integrity. Her promises and words mean nothing. I doubt very much that she has made all the sacrifices. Did she pay all the bills? She willingly moved to his home, admitting that her job situation wasn't so good, so she may have taken advantage of a financially stable man, and now when its convenient, and she can walk away with some of his assets, she's ready to pull up stakes and go back to her children. She should have stayed where she was at in the first place.
Another poster to skip.
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Old 07-19-2015, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,740 posts, read 4,195,953 times
Reputation: 6861
"But after 7 years I have friends, a job I love and a great life there, with not being there I will miss a lot, and also wonder if a marriage can last under those circumstances."

Interesting. You did not mention that you loved your husband or that you have a loving husband. Time for a break maybe?
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Old 07-19-2015, 05:08 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,620 posts, read 18,687,569 times
Reputation: 33333
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
"But after 7 years I have friends, a job I love and a great life there, with not being there I will miss a lot, and also wonder if a marriage can last under those circumstances."

Interesting. You did not mention that you loved your husband or that you have a loving husband. Time for a break maybe?
So she has to write a detailed BOOK about her life or else people start making assumptions? It probably goes without saying that she loves her husband. Most people marry for love. She was alone for 18 years so it would seem that she took her time finding true love.
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Old 07-19-2015, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,955 posts, read 2,607,901 times
Reputation: 7360
I have sort of been where you are, OP. My second husband (I've had three, and after the third one died, I said, "No more.") was a very controlling and manipulative man, who eventually announced that we were moving 1000 miles away from the city we had been living, and where my kids and their dad (to whom they were very close) were living. The kids were just entering high school, and had their established friendships and sports teams.

I couldn't take the kids away from their dad and their environment. They had never gotten along with their step-dad. He said, in effect, "It's the kids or me."

I chose the kids. And I've never regretted it. When they grew up and went away for school and jobs, I moved to Florida, where I met Husband #3 -- the good one.

Fast forward 20 years. Husband #3 and I were living in North Florida, one of my kids was in New Mexico, one in Wisconsin, and one moving from Wisconsin to Florida, 250 miles from where we were living. When she met a wonderful man and got married, and then became pregnant, I told my husband I wanted to move to where they were. I too never wanted to be a long-distance grandmother; I was very close to my paternal grandparents, whom I adored.

My husband said that his goal in life was to make me happy, and if I could find a house for both of us, he'd be happy to move with me. His own kids were over 1000 miles away, and their only communication was a phone call every few weeks. I found us a great house very close to my daughter and her family; unfortunately my husband died two weeks after we moved in.

So now I live very close to my first and probably only grandchild. I'm as happy as I can be about that. It seems unlikely that my other kids will have children themselves, otherwise I really will have a dilemma.

OP, your post doesn't make it clear whether or not you have spoken to your husband about your unhappiness. If you have, I wonder what his response was.

I have read -- but have no idea where -- that most second marriages break up over disagreements about the kids from the first marriage. It certainly was true in my case.

If I were in your shoes, and if I could afford the little condo close to the kids, I'd go for it. A lot of husbands think marriage is so easy, because they never do any of the work that has to be done to maintain it. So often it's the wife who does the majority of the sacrificing.
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Old 07-19-2015, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,740 posts, read 4,195,953 times
Reputation: 6861
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
So she has to write a detailed BOOK about her life or else people start making assumptions? It probably goes without saying that she loves her husband. Most people marry for love. She was alone for 18 years so it would seem that she took her time finding true love.
Seriously? Lots of middle aged singles remarry for companionship and IMO, that is as good a reason to remarry as any. Four additional words does not make a DETAILED BOOK.

My question as to whether it might be a good time for a break was sincere. This is a huge decision for the OP and a break may be worthy of consideration.
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