U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-21-2015, 05:48 AM
 
5,426 posts, read 2,896,792 times
Reputation: 24353

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Geography has nothing to do with a good and close relationship with family.
It makes it more difficult. There is no substitute for the human touch.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-22-2015, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,898 posts, read 17,209,728 times
Reputation: 40827
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Geography has nothing to do with a good and close relationship with family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
It makes it more difficult. There is no substitute for the human touch.
While that is true, grandchildren can have a loving relationship and be long distance.

My father was a very, strong role model to my son and lived many hours away. My children were also extremely close to their other grandparents who lived 1,000 miles away and they saw once or twice a year.

Now that there is Skype and other things like that it is much easier to keep a strong relationship going. Phone calls, and letters with drawings and pictures are great things to do on a regular basis. Often, people think that unless it is face to face visits it does not count. Well, all those little extra contacts, calls, letters, Skype, do count in building and sustaining a great relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-25-2015, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,595 posts, read 14,200,956 times
Reputation: 30221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Best of luck. After five years of friendship and two years after a divorce I asked out a friend. She'd also been divorced for 18 years. We married 18+ years ago and in that time moved from northern California to the Ozarks of SW Missouri, a region she'd spent about 10 years in earlier and always wanted to return to. We've been here for six years. Despite some medical issues on both our parts I though we were happy.

Silly me! Just a half hour ago I watched our car disappear around a bend in the road with her and one of her daughters whom we'd flow out here from CA in it. She's returning to where her "real" family is. It's where she an de I met and married but the tugs of children and grands was too much for her even though I made sure she went back for visits.

You have a difficult choice to make, Beatrice. I hope you make the right one.
Oh, Curm, this is terrible news. Has your wife really gone for good? Will she visit? I feel for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-25-2015, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,595 posts, read 14,200,956 times
Reputation: 30221
Quote:
Originally Posted by N.Cal View Post
I've been in your kids' shoes. They are grown adults with their own lives. Why would they want to uproot everything to move? I'm with everyone who says stay, but visit a lot.
Yes, do that. Figure out a way to be there for longer spells, but perhaps for fewer times in a year. Go back after each birth, spend a few days there at Christmas and two or three weeks in the summer. Since you feel you don't want to be in their homes, stay in a decent motel, or extended stay, or sublet an apartment. Figure out a way to be with them, without leaving your husband.

Whenever we make important life decisions, it is important to count the costs up front. You decided to move for your relationship. Unless there is something in your relationship that you have left out, I think you should honor that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-25-2015, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,595 posts, read 14,200,956 times
Reputation: 30221
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Ive read the Grandparents forum a little bit (I dont know why, I dont have kids) and find it sad to read the threads where grandparents move where their children are, uprooting their home and their friends, and then find how disappointed they are when they move, and their kids have their own life, and the grandkids start to grow up, and have their own life and friends (and electronics) and want little to do with their grandparents.

Its difficult and sad for grandparents to count on their kids and grandkids to keep a close family, when in reality they move on with their own lives.

I think if Grandparents take care of their own lives first and not impose so much time and effort on their kids and grandkids, they might have a better relationship overall.
This has not been our problem at all. We moved from St. Louis to Vancouver WA specifically to be with family, which includes grands. We keep boundaries. We understood that our kids have lives to lead, as we do. We are thriving here. I love seeing the little ones, and my adult kids, and their spouses much more frequently than before. And they seem to appreciate having us around.

Blanket statements are seldom accurate. If the grandparents move, they need be frank in their expectations by talking with their kids, and they need to be realistic about what they expect. If the relationship is already fraught or cool, then I wouldn't move. But if the relationship is loving and warm, then I think it just might work.

But every situation is different.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:00 PM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top