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My daughter and her husband and 5 year old daughter recently moved to another state. My daughter and I have always been close, and I have been in my granddaughter's life every day since she was born. My husband and I, and her family, have always been like one family. We lived in the same apartment complex, shared meals, were always there for each other. Any time we had talked about moving, it was always about all of us together.
My GD was going to start school, and the school she was assigned to is not a good school. My ex-husband offered to rent them a house in a small town in another state, and they decided it would be best for her to move there. My DH and I were very hurt, and he and her husband had "words", so now her husband says my husband is not welcome there. I am disabled, and pretty much can't go anywhere on my own, and wouldn't anyway. This, along with the fact that my daughter's father made it clear that I was not welcome to move anywhere near there, has made me feel that I will never see them again. So we moved to the same state, but in the opposite end as we couldn't find anything closer, and he has family here. This all happened within the past three months.
I understand she did was she felt was right for her family. The problem is that I am so severely heartbroken and devastated that there are times I don't think I will ever feel any better. The holidays coming up are just making it worse. It will be the first Christmas without my daughter, or my granddaughter, and the thought of that is unbearable. I cry all the time, don't even want to put up a tree or celebrate Christmas at all. I feel like all the joy of life has been taken from me.
I have heard it all: kids move away, blah blah blah. But I HURT, and I don't know how to get over this. I feel abandoned and thrown away, and robbed of watching my GD grow up and be a part of her life. I talk to my daughter every day, and talk to my GD often, but it is not the same. I am so afraid she will forget us, and the thought of never seeing them again is killing me. Has anyone else been through this? I feel lost and broken, and I want to feel better. I want to be able to enjoy the new life my husband and I are starting here, but I can't get past this grief.
Thanks for "listening." I just don't know what to do.
I can see how much pain you are in. That must be a huge life change. The post did feel like it may have white washed some of the issues with boundaries and your son in law. It sounds like there weren't enough boundaries in place for it to be a really functional close family. Perhaps if you were willing to learn about, set up and follow boundaries, leading by example, it might mend fences some.
I can see how much pain you are in. That must be a huge life change. The post did feel like it may have white washed some of the issues with boundaries and your son in law. It sounds like there weren't enough boundaries in place for it to be a really functional close family. Perhaps if you were willing to learn about, set up and follow boundaries, leading by example, it might mend fences some.
I agree.
I know you are in pain, OP, and your whole life has changed.
But surely you understand that your granddaughter's needs have to come FIRST, and her education is the priority.
They moved for better schools, which is something many families do. It has nothing to do with you, and it would be really wrong to try to punish them for that.
It sounds like your husband may have had a problem with the fact that your ex stepped in and offered this solution. The real shame would be if the adults in this situation were letting their baggage get in the way of your granddaughter's needs.
There is a lot to work through here, but hopefully all of you can put aside your egos, stop blaming, and take steps toward healing the family. Keep the child at the top of the list, not your own feelings.
I have to agree with the other posters. Your daughter made the best decision for her family,and you really can't ask her to do less.
I'm sorry this has hurt you, but for the sake of your daughter and grandchild, you need to move past it. They will be far more likely to keep the connection alive if you can manage to be upbeat and cheerful when contact is made.
My daughter and her husband and 5 year old daughter recently moved to another state. My daughter and I have always been close, and I have been in my granddaughter's life every day since she was born. My husband and I, and her family, have always been like one family. We lived in the same apartment complex, shared meals, were always there for each other. Any time we had talked about moving, it was always about all of us together.
My GD was going to start school, and the school she was assigned to is not a good school. My ex-husband offered to rent them a house in a small town in another state, and they decided it would be best for her to move there. My DH and I were very hurt, and he and her husband had "words", so now her husband says my husband is not welcome there. I am disabled, and pretty much can't go anywhere on my own, and wouldn't anyway. This, along with the fact that my daughter's father made it clear that I was not welcome to move anywhere near there, has made me feel that I will never see them again. So we moved to the same state, but in the opposite end as we couldn't find anything closer, and he has family here. This all happened within the past three months.
I understand she did was she felt was right for her family. The problem is that I am so severely heartbroken and devastated that there are times I don't think I will ever feel any better. The holidays coming up are just making it worse. It will be the first Christmas without my daughter, or my granddaughter, and the thought of that is unbearable. I cry all the time, don't even want to put up a tree or celebrate Christmas at all. I feel like all the joy of life has been taken from me.
I have heard it all: kids move away, blah blah blah. But I HURT, and I don't know how to get over this. I feel abandoned and thrown away, and robbed of watching my GD grow up and be a part of her life. I talk to my daughter every day, and talk to my GD often, but it is not the same. I am so afraid she will forget us, and the thought of never seeing them again is killing me. Has anyone else been through this? I feel lost and broken, and I want to feel better. I want to be able to enjoy the new life my husband and I are starting here, but I can't get past this grief.
Thanks for "listening." I just don't know what to do.
I dont understand the bolded. So you moved also, to the same state, but far away? Because your daughters father said you couldnt move closer? Last time I looked slavery was abolished, and you could move where ever you wanted. Why are you letting him rule your life? Isnt he the ex?
I don't know why you and your husband can't visit your daughter and family. Has she herself said that to you?
I don't think that because your ex has helped your daughter and family, he has the right to prohibit you from seeing your daughter. But a lot of this rests on your daughter's shoulders--will she make the time and effort?
And, don't you guys have phones? Can't you text and call each other and communicate?
I don't know why you and your husband can't visit your daughter and family. Has she herself said that to you?
I don't think that because your ex has helped your daughter and family, he has the right to prohibit you from seeing your daughter. But a lot of this rests on your daughter's shoulders--will she make the time and effort?
And, don't you guys have phones? Can't you text and call each other and communicate?
Because there is more to this story. Besides the one time the son in law and her husband had "words" isn't usually enough to ban someone from your house. Unless it was really terrible or there is some deeper issues at play.
My son in law and husband are like a couple of birds puffing up their feathers and rushing at each other. My son in law is disabled, and my husband is a veteran with PTSD. Neither will apologize, no matter how much it is hurting me and my daughter that they are acting this way. I text and talk with my daughter every day. She knows I am hurting, and she is hurting too. So is my husband, who was very attached to my daughter and granddaughter.
My ex-husband's wife grew up in the town my DD moved to, and many of the residents are her family. It's a very small town in NW Kansas. We tried to find something near there, but there are very few towns in that area and the places we could fine we could not afford. Our car basically died the minute we took it off the UHaul auto toter. We have to borrow my MIL's truck if we need to go somewhere that isn't within a couple of miles. We live in the SE corner of Kansas, at least a 10 hour drive from my daughter.
I totally understand why my DD decided to move, and it seems that they are happy there so far. I also understand that the way I am feeling is MY PROBLEM, and I need to move past it and live my own life. That is what I am having trouble with. My heart hurts in a way it has never hurt before, and I just don't know how to deal with it. I need help to learn to move on, which is what I was trying to say in my OP.
But I HURT, and I don't know how to get over this. I feel abandoned and thrown away, and robbed of watching my GD grow up and be a part of her life. I talk to my daughter every day, and talk to my GD often, but it is not the same. I am so afraid she will forget us, and the thought of never seeing them again is killing me. Has anyone else been through this? I feel lost and broken, and I want to feel better. I want to be able to enjoy the new life my husband and I are starting here, but I can't get past this grief.
Thanks for "listening." I just don't know what to do.
Wow, really sorry to read this. I can imagine why you hurt. I'd about die if my grand daughters were moved away.
You're living in the same state now...your daughters father has no say in what you do or don't do.
Ignore him....it's your daughter who has the child and the say.
Just keep on talking to your grand daughter....keep in contact....maybe when she's a little older she could have sleep overs?....Maybe Grandma could have a sleep over at grand daughters home? I have no solution to ease your pain....I just hope your daughter makes it easy for you and your hubby to see her child anytime you can/want.
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