Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My daughter and her husband and 3 yr old son live in FL.
Husband's mom and her husband live in north MS--where husband grew up.
They have been visiting for month of May--staying in condo owned by son that is about 15 min away--
don't know if they are paying since they are staying for much longer than past visits. Normally son rents it out monthly during winter season and has mgmt service to handle renters. Would like to rent it in summer but not as much call for that.
We bought house nxt door to daughter and SIL 4 yrs ago. Now that my husband is retired we stay there for several months at time. Getting ready to come back in June and stay at least until end of August, maybe longer. His mother has come for shorter visits in past but didn't come very often or stay longer because of her parents--her father's health was in decline past year or so...but she has sisters to help...could have come more often if she had been willing to ask for their help...she acts (makes oblique comments) like her inability to come visit is our fault because we spend longer periods there and house is so close--that we suck her time away...but that is not true. We have let them stay in our house several times when we were not there when there have been problems with getting a motel room--because they refuse to plan/book ahead of time--and are happy to have them use the house... We play least in sight usually when they come visit so we don't compete...but won't do that all summer.
We spend time with our grandson but not every day. He likes us, is good boy, not discipline problem. He will go to his same pre-school for 2 days a week in summer like he did last summer. Sometimes we pick him up or take him because he asks for it. We have them over for dinner sometimes but can also go 3-4 days wo really spending any time with them. Usually we are their babysitters when they want to go out and we kept him when they took long weekend to NYC for her birthday this fall... She trusts us to follow their rules--not so much his mom...
Our daughter called few min ago to say that her MIL has just told them that she and stepfather were going to be coming back for most of June--after they go home to take care of some personal business--and might also come back in July with her mother (SILs grandmother)...
I guess my daughter was expecting me to get angry when I found out the other grandmother was going to be there wanting to spend/share time with the grandson....she asked me if we knew how long we were going to stay...almost thought she would just prefer if we didn't come --(and our grandson has been asking us when we were going to come, that he wanted to see us when we have skyped last couple of times)...
I didn't say anythingt at first...sometimes it seems with my daughter there is no safe ground...
I asked her what she expected me to say... We can't control what his mother chooses to do...
I just said we would want to spend time with the grandson and she said "of course"...
I also know the grandson, because our house is next door, does like the spontaneous aspect of just coming to visit by walking over...so it is not just our wishes she will have to deal with...
She just doesn't want to be caught in middle...
Sympathize but that is fact of life---she and her husband are nexus of both families...
I do, but you may not like it. My advice? Be kind. We are the "other" grandparents, the ones that don't live nearby, the ones who don't get to celebrate holidays with our grandchild. The last time we made the 8 hour trip to visit it was at a function at our grandchild's school. We were having a wonderful time with him, and then the other grandparents showed up, and took gs out of my husband's arms.
No one side of the family is more deserving of a relationship than the other, when both sides are willing and able. Proximity should not be the determining factor when it's beyond the control of some. As I said, be kind. Let the in-laws have their month. It isn't all that long a period.
OP I'm not sure you want to hear this, but some of your comments come across quite passive-aggressive. My word of caution is to say what you mean and mean what you say, and not to try and assume what your daughter thinks or means, just ask her outright.
I do, but you may not like it. My advice? Be kind. We are the "other" grandparents, the ones that don't live nearby, the ones who don't get to celebrate holidays with our grandchild. The last time we made the 8 hour trip to visit it was at a function at our grandchild's school.
We were having a wonderful time with him, and then the other grandparents showed up, and took gs out of my husband's arms.
No one side of the family is more deserving of a relationship than the other, when both sides are willing and able. Proximity should not be the determining factor when it's beyond the control of some. As I said, be kind. Let the in-laws have their month. It isn't all that long a period.
I am still trying to picture an adult who thinks that it is OK to literally grab a child out of their loving grandparent's arms. Especially, in a situation where you drove 8 hours to see your grandchildren in that school event and they get to see the grandchild on a regular basis.
I am in a similar situation except my husband and I live 2,000 miles away from our grandchildren and the other grandparents live a few minutes away from them.
On the very, very times that I/we get to visit (once every 12 to 18 months) the other grandparents make a special point of letting me/us spend quality time with the grandchildren without interfering or trying to hog the time.
I am sure that grown adults should be able to arrange a schedule that makes everyone happy and that everyone gets to spend quality time with the grandchildren.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-24-2016 at 08:24 AM..
OP I'm not sure you want to hear this, but some of your comments come across quite passive-aggressive. My word of caution is to say what you mean and mean what you say, and not to try and assume what your daughter thinks or means, just ask her outright.
I agree. Ask your daughter don't just try to guess.
For everyone's sake, including the grandson, please just get along. Whatever your daughter needs you to do, just do it. I agree that some of your comments seem a little hostile, so I'd advise you to lose that tone. I imagine there will time enough for all, if you are not demanding.
I remember being pulled two ways at holidays when we were first married. It was hard trying to fulfill the expectations of both sides of my family. Perhaps your daughter is feeling that now. You will do her a favor by not making an issue of anything. You guys are more flexible, and you probably could spend a few more weeks in FL if you felt you needed more time with gs.
Have everyone over for a meal, even the other grandparents. Allow them to play with grandson, and just let a feeling of family fellowship happen. You will never be sorry.
I guess I don't see what the big issue is, except that it seems like having you all there at once stresses your daughter out.
Because everyone is visiting for long periods of time, it seems less like a visit and more like a living situation to me. Many, many people live in close proximity to both sets of grand parents. It doesn't have to be a competition. You will still be next door. Your GS will still come over. You can still sometimes pick him up at preschool.
Have you tried befriending the other grandparents? I understand they might want time alone with the grandson (and so do you), but imagine what a great experience it would be for your grandson to have all of the attention of all of his grandparents at a single time. During the other grandparents visit why not arrange for a picnic at a park or a day at a beach for all 4 of you and the little boy.
I also don't understand the competition aspect of this.
OP go back and reread your post. You included a lot of information that really isn't relevant to the issue at hand but is very judgmental. You say that you think your daughter expected you to be angry - why might that be? You do seem to be pretty competitive about your relationship with your grandson. You've indicated several times that your grandson likes spending time with you. That's great! He would probably also enjoy spending that same kind of time with the other set of grandparents. You do sound somewhat threatened by that possibility. No need. Just like parents can cherish more than one child, children can cherish more than one set of grandparents. Your grandson is fortunate to have two sets of grandparents who both want and are able to be a part of his life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
No one side of the family is more deserving of a relationship than the other, when both sides are willing and able. Proximity should not be the determining factor when it's beyond the control of some. As I said, be kind. Let the in-laws have their month. It isn't all that long a period.
Bingo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I guess I don't see what the big issue is, except that it seems like having you all there at once stresses your daughter out.
.
The OP should take a long look to try to figure out why, what her part is in that and how to be more of the solution than the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah
Have you tried befriending the other grandparents? I understand they might want time alone with the grandson (and so do you), but imagine what a great experience it would be for your grandson to have all of the attention of all of his grandparents at a single time. During the other grandparents visit why not arrange for a picnic at a park or a day at a beach for all 4 of you and the little boy.
I also don't understand the competition aspect of this.
It would seem there is plenty of time fore both sets of grandparents to have 1-1 time as well as whole family (inclusive) time. Lucky boy indeed.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
