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My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 4 years. We now have 2 boys ages 3 and 1. My Mother in-law lives in GA with her husband. My husbands brother and his family also live there. My Father in-law lives in TN as do we currently. We do not see them often, either of them - the ones out of state or the ones across town), but just a few times a year for birthdays and holidays. My husband is always the one calling them to see how things are going, or to see about holiday plans.
When the MIL visits (or we visit her) she is constantly asking when she can get the boys for a week. She does this in front of the kids and it really isn't an option - call me over protective, but they haven't proven to me that they are responsible enough for this at all. No baby proofing, eat junk food, knives, guns, antiques laying around, pool, no safety anything. My husband says that she just asks because she thinks that what she is supposed to do, but in reality she couldn't handle one, let alone both of the boys - the 1 year old is still nursing, so definitely not an option.
Here is the problem - we are wanting to move across country. I am returning to the work force soon (lots of applications in) and the majority of the jobs are out west. Which is great for us, because that is where we want to live - have wanted to for years. This is not a surprise to anyone, we have been talking about it since before our oldest was born. Well, the in-laws are pissed, to say the least. My MIL told my son that if we move, "then Nana won't see him anymore", she sent her husband to tell my husband that "if we go through with this selfish move then it will kill his mother", and that we don't have a clue about what it takes to take care of a family.
Any job that I am able to get will improve our financial status tremendously. We currently rent a tiny little place and barely scrape by with only what my husband makes. He is feeling an incredible amount of guilt about the entire situation. My family, which live in the town we are in, think the move would be great for us. They are sad to see us go, but know that it is just a plane ride away and that we must do what is best for our family.
Your obligation is to your immediate family, not your extended family. It is best for your immediate family to move. Repeat as often as necessary, and find a new home with a guest room.
Your obligation is to your immediate family, not your extended family. It is best for your immediate family to move. Repeat as often as necessary, and find a new home with a guest room.
I agree. Do what is best for your immediate family.
Heck, you don't even need a guest room (if you can't afford one). If your in-laws want to visit as a couple they will rent a hotel room and if one visits separately she will be so happy to spend time with you that she will sleep on an air mattress on the living room floor (too tall to sleep on your love seat).(I'm a grandma who is obviously speaking from real life experience).
Do what you want/need to do for your immediate family. The MIL sounds like a drama queen who will get over it quickly and be the first to visit. Good Luck!
I really don't understand the mindset of some people.
I'm a mom and grandma. If one of my kids was moving out of state I'm sure I would cry a bit, but in no way would I try to hold them back or talk them out of it.
I want what's best for my kids and if moving is it, then that's what they have to do.
and that's what you should do OP. Your first responsibility is to your spouse and kids.
Tell gram to get a computer and teach her how to skype or whatever the hell they use nowadays.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee
I really don't understand the mindset of some people.
I'm a mom and grandma. If one of my kids was moving out of state I'm sure I would cry a bit, but in no way would I try to hold them back or talk them out of it.
I want what's best for my kids and if moving is it, then that's what they have to do.
and that's what you should do OP. Your first responsibility is to your spouse and kids.
Tell gram to get a computer and teach her how to skype or whatever the hell they use nowadays.
I agree. We're lucky enough to have our grandkids just 25 miles away, and see them frequently. If they decided to move to another state we'd miss them badly, but we realize that they have to live their own lives and do what's best for their family.
We were in a similar situation 6 years ago. My IL's retired to our town and had a house built a couple of miles away. They didn't choose our area just because we were here. DH's brother (though they didn't have any kids at that time) lives in the same area and they also did it for tax reasons.
We needed to relocate back to our previous area for the financial stability of our family. My MIL was very upset and my SIL (BIL's wife) was also upset (for other reasons). DH moved 6 months ahead of us as he began working his new job 6 hours away. It was a difficult 6 months especially for me as I was taking care of our two toddlers (12 months and 2 years old) plus working a full time job and showing the house as we had it on the market to sell all without much help from the family that was here. DH came back on the weekends for a day and half.
I've never felt guilty about it. We did what we had to do and that's what you're doing. Don't feel guilty. You're taking care of your family and that's the most important thing. If they don't visit because they are mad that's on them not you.
If you get jobs in another place, then go. Your duty is to your immediate family, as others have posted. Listen to Germaine. She is almost always right.
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