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Old 06-24-2016, 01:42 PM
Location: Chicago
3,274 posts, read 4,646,059 times
Reputation: 4030


I will never host my in-laws overnight ever again. MIL completely wore out her welcome using our house as her crash pad for almost 2 years though, so she's spent more night with us than anyone else probably ever will.

That said, I think it depends on whether you are a good guest. My MIL had her own room with a private bath and TV when she was using our house for her job. The problem is that she never spent any time in there and instead followed us around the house. She was not an invited guest, mind you, so IMO common sense would say to try and go unnoticed. She never did. She also never paid for anything or cleaned anything, including her room, sheets, towels, etc. So, as a result, they will never be welcome in our house for more than a few hours at a time now.

Maybe things will change when our daughter is older, but right now I don't want to host any overnight guests, not even for one night. We have a ton of space, but I just don't want to deal with someone in my house.

If anyone tried to guilt me for not allowing them to stay at my house overnight they'd probably quickly be removed from my life entirely. I don't have time for that crap. Plus, that's why hotels exist anyway, so I can still have my personal space.
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Old 06-24-2016, 01:47 PM
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We moved 3000 miles away from both sets of grandparents, and we've had 3 distinct experiences.

My folks are divorced. Growing up, we didn't have the $$ to travel much until about middle school and even then it wasn't in our vernacular if that makes sense. My mom in particular was...and still is...a very nervous and uncomfortable traveler. Her visits out here (3 in 16 years), however brief, end in tears and are filled with tension. I took it personally for a long time until i remembered that she ALWAYS is tense and crying on a trip (or immediately thereafter). So with mom, any visit would be limited to 3 nights MAX. Plus we visit her 2x per year.

Dad, on the other had, has done a 180. Although our finances as a family turned around spectacularly when i was in middle school, he still wasn't much of a traveler until 10+ years later, pretty much right after the divorce. He really enjoys his later years now, and it make me really happy. He visits us about 2-3 times a year for about 4 days at a time, always stays at a hotel, and we schedule our days and nights accordingly. He's super easy.

My inlaws visit for about 9 days every other year. They're super easy too. I'd much rather have them visit us than stay 9 days at their home as I get claustrophobic in other's homes after a couple days and much prefer a hotel.
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Old 06-24-2016, 07:18 PM
2,779 posts, read 4,588,185 times
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We live on the opposite coast from my parents. They come and stay with us for two weeks each winter and we spend 3-5wks (just me and the kids) with them each summer. They have a large home near the ocean so it's a vacation for us as well. It is also the only time I see my siblings and their families as they often overlap visits with us.
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Old 06-25-2016, 09:29 AM
171 posts, read 410,459 times
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What about inlaws who stay for two months?
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Old 06-27-2016, 10:26 AM
Location: Denver CO
20,049 posts, read 10,915,451 times
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I know people who have had a parent/in-law move in with them to provide full time free child care. I guess that no one sees that as overstaying their welcome?

Mostly I think there are too many variables - particularly the distance and costs involve and the accommodations available. When I lived about 4 hours driving distance away, my mom would come up once a month or so on her own for a few days, and she would stay with me. I had a guest bed in the baby's room, and she didn't mind staying there. When my dad came with her, about once every couple of months, they stayed in a local hotel.

When they visited my sister when her kids were young, it was a flight, and they generally did the same thing -my mom tried to get out there a couple of extra times a year on her own, and she stayed with my sister. But when it was both parents, they stayed in a hotel.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:15 PM
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My preferred way to visit with family is for us all to take a vacation together. A cruise, camping trip, or other vacation with hotels is the way to go. Otherwise it is just a lot of work and not enough bathrooms.
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Old 07-29-2016, 04:21 PM
Location: Rogers, Arkansas
1,280 posts, read 4,104,442 times
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I agree that the distance, and frequency of the visits matter a lot, as well as the space in your home.
My mother comes from abroad, she visits for 2-3 weeks once every 18 months, She has the guest room when here, so she can withdraw when the kids get too much for her. My in-laws live 12 hours drive away (and don't fly); they come about twice a year, and stay a couple of weeks, a few days with each of their three kids and their families, so the "burden" of hosting is spread
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Old 07-29-2016, 09:26 PM
Location: Florida
4,959 posts, read 3,382,665 times
Reputation: 9696
I can tolerate my inlaws for 5-7 days, and we see them every year or two. This year, we are going to them for five days. My parents have never come to visit us in the 10+ years we've lived far away. I could probably handle them for about three days if they came.
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Old 08-17-2016, 06:48 PM
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Lol well my in laws usually come visit for 3-5 days which is perfect! We stay with them every Christmas and occasionally summer for about 10 days each. They are ideal guests and hosts so no problems on either end. We are however in 2 weeks moving cross country to be next to them so that'll be the end of that.

Now my parents, who we currently live 2 hours from we stay at there house one night every 4-6 months. We see them more though just not overnight. However when we lived cross country and when we move cross country again this time she will likely stay with us about a week. She is a good guest but I have to keep her busy because otherwise she'll drive my husband batty lol. Love her to death but she's a hyper chatty one.
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Old 08-18-2016, 10:24 PM
Location: New Jersey
498 posts, read 338,976 times
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a lot of factors depends on distance, family dynamics, space and money. my in laws live in same town, so sleeping overnight and such never happens. we have vacationed to disney together though, with separate rooms so that worked out well. my parents, on the other hand is vastly different. divorced, so mom lives overseas and usually visits 1-2x a year for 10 days. Don't have the best relationship with her, so really 5/6 days is all i can take from her, however she usually wants to stay a week minimum cuz of travel time factored in. We do have space here to host her, has her own room (guest bedroom) and bathroom she shares with my kids. Lately, in past 1-2 years she's been visiting once a year due to her advancing years, and that means i've to visit her with my boys at some point in the near future. She has tons of space in her home though to accomdate us.

my father and his wife are the perfect grandparents to have, in my book lol...they visit for a weekend 1-2x a year as live overseas and snowbird in Florida. They prefer to stay at a hotel, usually hang out with us to visit the kids then take us out to dinner. works out well for me.
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